# What if real life were more like porn? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 17, 2005, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904 "2005-07-17T21:29:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904/21 "2005-07-18T02:53:20Z")
> [@rayh](#): > > And all the men wear flares. It’s been a while since you’ve seen porn, isn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904/22 "2005-07-18T03:02:02Z")
> [@rayh](#): > > And all the men wear flares. But not for very long. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904/23 "2005-07-18T03:06:50Z")
I’d get tied up, teased, and sexually dominated by busty babes in leather and latex all the time. Wait, that is like my real life! No it isn’t… ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904/24 "2005-07-18T03:25:14Z")
I’d never get a decent night’s sleep. Even when my own wife wasn’t badgering me for more sex, every other woman in the neighborhood would be alternately moaning and screaming at full volume. Bra manufacturers would be overjoyed, because they wouldn’t have to make AA, A or B-cup styles anymore. Shoe manufacturers would produce only 3-inch or higher stiletto heels. 1970s era moustaches would make a comeback. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904/25 "2005-07-18T03:27:05Z")
> [@rayh](#): > > And all the men wear flares. I don’t like talking about my flair. ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904/26 "2005-07-18T03:36:47Z")
If real life were like porn, all men would _always_ wear their socks, though sometimes shoes as well, and nothing else. [sup]Grrr-- that’s it **Metacom**! After your posts in here, you are now officially on my list of people whose threads will automatically be opened if I see their name. You’re right between Eve and Biggirl, which is good company, you have to admit. I hope you’re happy…[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904/27 "2005-07-18T03:53:47Z")
Metacom would spend his entire existence in a threeway between Eve and Biggirl. Or something. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Purl_McKnittington)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904/28 "2005-07-18T04:29:56Z")
> [@ZebraShaSha](#): > > If life was like porn, the Amish would be the new kinky. Barnraising IV: The Awakening of Chastity Miller Did somebody order some snickerdoodles? ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904/29 "2005-07-18T05:11:48Z")
-Sex NEVER happens in the dark. -No one jumps up to run to the bathroom afterward. -One doesn’t bother with any hygiene ritual beforehand, unless it’s with a hand-held shower. -One never hears “Owww… you’re on my hair!” or “CRAMP!” ---
**Author:** ![cabdude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@cabdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cabdude)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904/30 "2005-07-18T05:20:45Z")
Nobody farts. ---
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904/31 "2005-07-18T05:24:38Z")
> [@cabdude](#): > > Nobody farts. Excepting, of course, some Japanese fetishists. ---
**Author:** ![Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bb73d2/32.png) [@Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Side_of_the_Floyd)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904/32 "2005-07-18T05:51:45Z")
> [@Anastasaeon](#): > > But not for very long. Maybe once in 1960. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904/33 "2005-07-18T05:58:47Z")
…for twenty minutes. Ow. ---
**Author:** ![Ink\_a\_dink\_a\_dink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ec9cab/32.png) [@Ink\_a\_dink\_a\_dink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ink_a_dink_a_dink)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904/34 "2005-07-18T14:18:05Z")
> [@cabdude](#): > > But more importantly, what if porn were like real life? Have you SEEN amateur sites? Hilarious. Including falling off the bed, smashing their head and on. Funniest stuff I get to see. Inky ---
**Author:** ![Ink\_a\_dink\_a\_dink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ec9cab/32.png) [@Ink\_a\_dink\_a\_dink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ink_a_dink_a_dink)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904/35 "2005-07-18T14:21:47Z")
> [@cabdude](#): > > Nobody farts. Sorry for the double post, but there is a woman who advertises as a Mistress where one of her main session offerings is farting on command on the patron’s face, in their mouth, etc. Wild. Kinda made me sick, but she seems to do well. Even had hr own line of videos. Can’t find the link. Will keep looking. Inky \*why do I **know** these things??? ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904/36 "2005-07-18T14:39:33Z")
I still wouldn’t get laid. ---
**Author:** ![Ol\_Gaffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Ol\_Gaffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ol_Gaffer)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904/37 "2005-07-18T18:40:07Z")
I’d never have to wear underwear again. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904/38 "2005-07-18T18:45:06Z")
Why do you have to wear any now? No one’s forcing you to. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904/39 "2005-07-18T18:48:55Z")
I don’t know about Pizza Delivery Man being a desirable job. You HAVE to have sex to EVERYONE you deliver to on your shift. EVERYONE. Well, I guess if life was more like porn people would be more attractive. (sort of) ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904/40 "2005-07-18T18:57:19Z")
If delivering pizzas doesn’t work for you, you can always try cleaning swimming pools instead. It’s an excuse to wear a Speedo on camera, at least. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-real-life-were-more-like-porn/312904.md?page=3)