# What if Satan said... "I'm Sorry" **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [February 10, 2011, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929 "2011-02-10T19:05:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![K-MAN](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/838e76/32.png) [@K-MAN](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/K-MAN)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/1 "2011-02-10T19:05:46Z")
It’s a simple question, do you have a simple answer? I’m interested in other peoples thoughts on this subject. I’ve heard many responses before, but never from people that I don’t know… ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/2 "2011-02-10T19:12:13Z")
Apologies are all well and fine. Actions speak louder than words though. If Satan is sorry then he can endeavor to make the world a better place. Otherwise just so much hot air. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/3 "2011-02-10T19:12:05Z")
I’m an atheist. My knee jerk reaction would be that God would forgive him but I’m not so sure. After all, the biblical God doesn’t seem to offer anyone an opportunity for forgiveness once they are dead. Of course this doesn’t really apply to Satan since he was an angel and might not have been alive in the sense that people are. I’m going to go with no forgiveness for Satan. He broke whatever covenant God had with the angels and all the covenants mentioned in the bible (with Abraham, Noah, between Jesus and everybody) doesn’t seem to include the angels. Odesio ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/4 "2011-02-10T19:14:14Z")
And God Spake, saying “No rewrites-just stick to the script.” ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/5 "2011-02-10T19:14:21Z")
Why, what did he do? ---
**Author:** ![Aswan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@Aswan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aswan)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/6 "2011-02-10T19:17:35Z")
The same thing that would happen if you were convicted of murder one and apologized. You’d be sentenced and have to serve your time. ---
**Author:** ![Claverhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Claverhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claverhouse)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/7 "2011-02-10T19:17:56Z")
Should he truly repent, that is sufficient for absolution. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/8 "2011-02-10T19:21:47Z")
What’s he got to be sorry for? He’s doing the job the Lord made him for. You know, being the prosecuting attorney and all that. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/9 "2011-02-10T19:22:17Z")
> [@Claverhouse](#): > > Should he truly repent, that is sufficient for absolution. But then the End Times are no longer, and the Bible is no long inerrant. If the Bible is inerrant, that what it says about absolution is no long valid. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/10 "2011-02-10T19:29:04Z")
That’d be awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/11 "2011-02-10T20:21:14Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > But then the End Times are no longer, and the Bible is no long inerrant. If the Bible is inerrant, that what it says about absolution is no long valid. So, God can arrange for a third section of the Bible to be written, which will correct the errors in the same way as the New Testament fixed up the Old Testament. (Alternatively, God already has, and the third section is called the Quran.) ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/12 "2011-02-10T20:31:04Z")
Or the book of Mormon. 🙂 what’s the good book say’s going to happen to Satan in the end? Does he really have it that bad in hell? ---
**Author:** ![Skara\_Brae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Skara\_Brae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skara_Brae)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/13 "2011-02-10T20:34:42Z")
There are some writers who wrote that the Devil and fallen angels will eventually ask fo forgiveness and that is how the world will end. I think the most famous was [Origen](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Origen). Most of his writings were destroyed by the early church for heresy, though. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/14 "2011-02-10T20:39:49Z")
> [@pravnik](#): > > Why, what did he do? Didn’t kill [enough people](http://dwindlinginunbelief.blogspot.com/2006/08/who-has-killed-more-satan-or-god.html) ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/15 "2011-02-10T20:40:32Z")
I still wouldn’t forgive him for that thread about whether he should let his girlfriend bumfuck him [shudder] ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/16 "2011-02-10T20:47:58Z")
> [@E-Sabbath](#): > > What’s he got to be sorry for? He’s doing the job the Lord made him for. You know, being the prosecuting attorney and all that. Yes, as far as I read it, Satan is working for God, and doing a pretty bang-up job of it, too. Especially since God keeps changing the rules. What is Satan apologising for? ---
**Author:** ![Claverhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Claverhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claverhouse)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/17 "2011-02-10T21:20:29Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > But then the End Times are no longer, and the Bible is no long inerrant. If the Bible is inerrant, that what it says about absolution is no long valid. For the End Times, some other demon could step up and become the Adversary; it’s not like there’s a shortage. However, although I’ve not read any part of the Bible since childhood — and even then I found it amazingly uninteresting — I’m pretty sure Absolution is catholic doctrine rather than biblical commandment; although based upon RC interpretation of statements therein. The sacraments of Confession and of the Last Rites presuppose that earnest rejection of one’s sins and penitence automatically ensures reconciliation with God no matter how grave those sins. Status cannot disqualify any being. As for having it bad in Hell, probably not: he would be too busy to be tormented himself and no doubt has many home comforts. His punishment is being separated from God. Revelations states he will suffer in the Final Judgement: but a/ sufferings in Hell may be figurative rather than actual, and b/ Bernard Shaw implied that John the Divine was a crazed junkie, which seems remarkably persuasive considering the sort of sects that have made a big deal out of the stuff John wrote. ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/18 "2011-02-10T21:24:15Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > Didn’t kill [enough people](http://dwindlinginunbelief.blogspot.com/2006/08/who-has-killed-more-satan-or-god.html) Thank you, Mijin! I wanted to post that too. I love to use the numbers argument too. 10 \< 33 million. 😃 If given a choice between gods, this Satan guy seems a lot nicer and I would worship him. Only kills when his boss tells him to. Only one thing: he shares one great characteristic with Yahweh… They don’t exist! ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/19 "2011-02-10T21:28:11Z")
If Satan says “I’m sorry”, God kicks him in the balls, hits the Stone Cold Stunner on him, gives him the double middle finger, and says “Austin 3:16 says I just kicked your ass.”. Then God’s music plays, and the fans toss Him some beers to chug while He climbs the turnbuckle. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/20 "2011-02-10T21:30:25Z")
> [@pravnik](#): > > Why, what did he do? Yeah, this is what I’d need to know before answering the question. Which version of “satan” are we talking about, and what is the transgression he’s to answer for? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929.md?page=2)