# What if Satan said... "I'm Sorry" **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [February 10, 2011, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929 "2011-02-10T19:05:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/41 "2011-02-11T17:40:34Z")
If he did, I bet it’d be one of those non-apology apologies, like “I’m sorry if you were offended by my evil” or “mistakes were made.” ---
**Author:** ![CurtC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ce73a5/32.png) [@CurtC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CurtC)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/42 "2011-02-11T18:02:16Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > The serpent tempted Eve but it doesn’t directly say it was Satan. And to my understanding, the Jewish interpretation has never connected the Genesis serpent to a Satan character. But I think there is a mention in the New Testament which does refer to that story’s serpent as Satan, so Christians aren’t just making stuff up. On looking, I see that the book of Revelation says “the dragon, that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan,” but doesn’t explicitly link it to the Genesis story. I think that’s the implication, though. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/43 "2011-02-11T18:16:16Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > That’s the confusing part; he seems to be God’s servant (prosecutor, jailer, torturer) and His enemy at the same time. Not confusing at all. The Bible never says that he was assigned those tasks, nor that this is his motivation for doing so. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/44 "2011-02-11T18:18:27Z")
> [@JThunder](#): > > Not confusing at all. The Bible never says that he was assigned those tasks, nor that this is his motivation for doing so. Then according to the Bible, what were his motivations, and what were the sins he would be asking forgiveness for in this situation? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/45 "2011-02-11T18:25:07Z")
Satan was assigned the task of tormenting Job. ---
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/46 "2011-02-11T18:33:20Z")
If Lucifer went to God saying “I’m sorry”, and he really was, I’d think He’d forgive good ol’ Luci. > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Satan was assigned the task of tormenting Job. Assigned? More like “I double-dare ya”. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/47 "2011-02-11T18:37:42Z")
> [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](#): > > If Lucifer went to God saying “I’m sorry”, and he really was, I’d think He’d forgive good ol’ Luci. Lucifer? I thought we were talking about Satan. ---
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/48 "2011-02-11T18:41:00Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Lucifer? I thought we were talking about Satan. Lucifer was Satan’s name. He changed it when he got the name job. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/49 "2011-02-11T18:55:11Z")
> [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](#): > > If Lucifer went to God saying “I’m sorry”, and he really was, I’d think He’d forgive good ol’ Luci. > > Assigned? More like “I double-dare ya”. God told him to do it. He was doing God’s will. In point of fact, Satan _can’t_ do anything that is not God’s will. Satan is also a member in good standing of God’s court in the Job story, not a cast out or an enemy. Satan in Judaism (and in the Hebrew Bible) is a servant of God, not an enemy. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/50 "2011-02-11T18:56:33Z")
> [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](#): > > Lucifer was Satan’s name. This is not in the Bible. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/51 "2011-02-11T21:45:24Z")
What does he have to appologize for? His name is on the freaking [Stanley Cup](http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/hockey/nhl/players/666/), what more do you guys want? ---
**Author:** ![scamartistry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@scamartistry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scamartistry)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/52 "2011-02-11T22:00:40Z")
if God is omnipotent, He must be the best comedian in the entire universe. That means he can come up with the best jokes of all time. God could come up with the most offensive, disgusting, sick, twisted racial joke about some minority. And it would be the funniest thing any man has ever heard. He can probably make fun of the gays too, because our God hates homos. This is the God we must pray to. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/53 "2011-02-11T22:43:50Z")
> [@willthekittensurvive](#): > > **What If Satan said “I quit”** > What whould God do? Bing on the the end of times, or would he find someone else for the Job? > > What would be the job description? > Do you think he has anyone on his shortlist? > > I think he would offer it to Silvio Berlusconi first and if he refused just force the pope to take it. See _Sandman_:_Seasons of Mist_. Spoiler: new, faithful angels get Hell management duty. They try to make it a more compassionate, commiserating sort of endless torment. It’s many times _worse_. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/54 "2011-02-11T23:13:20Z")
He is frequently associated with the snake that tempted Eve into eating the forbidden fruit. He is frequently associated with Ba’al. He has been called the “prince of this world” He tempts Christ to abandon his mission In the end he battles heaven and is cast into the fiery lake So I don’t think he is ever going to apologize and if he does he changes his mind. ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/55 "2011-02-11T23:29:50Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Incidentally, the interesting thing about the serpent in Genesis, is that he told Eve the truth after God lied. The serpent is good. Yes, that’s one of my favourite things about the whole story. I mean, it is pretty clear that God wanted Adam and Chava to eat the fruit (if they weren’t supposed to, why make the tree? And why make the serpent?), but the best bit is how God says “the day you eat it, you will surely die,” which is demonstrably untrue, and the serpent says, “actually, you won’t die, you’ll be able to tell the difference between good and evil,” which is not only true, but the entire function and name of the tree and its fruit. The part that cracks me up the most is Adam going “um, well, THAT WOMAN gave it to me, you know, the one YOU GAVE ME, anyway, SHE WAS THE ONE who told me about the fruit and thenI ate it”, but the most interesting thing to me is how the snake both tells the truth the entire time, and (like the Satan character) is just carrying out the job God appointed it to. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2011, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/56 "2011-02-12T01:14:55Z")
I’d like to see the original on that. It’s ‘true from a certain point of view’. Innocence dies when truth is learned. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2011, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/57 "2011-02-12T01:21:11Z")
> [@Damuri\_Ajashi](#): > > So I don’t think he is ever going to apologize and if he does he changes his mind. Why should he ? He’s an angel. Meaning he doesn’t benefit from that whole “freedom of choice” thing which we are told is the exclusive prerogative of the [del]Master[/del]Human Race. Whoever Satan is and whatever he does, it must be because God made him exactly that way and knowingly so (omniscience clause). If anyone has to make excuses or amends, it’s Yahweh. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2011, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/58 "2011-02-12T01:29:38Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > Why should he ? He’s an angel. Meaning he doesn’t benefit from that whole “freedom of choice” thing which we are told is the exclusive prerogative of the [del]Master[/del]Human Race.. Muslims believe Iblis/Shaitan is a djinn, not an angel – because angels have no free will and could not disobey God, but djinn do and can. ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2011, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/59 "2011-02-12T20:34:47Z")
> [@E-Sabbath](#): > > I’d like to see the original on that. It’s ‘true from a certain point of view’. Innocence dies when truth is learned. Original on what? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2011, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929/60 "2011-02-12T20:39:58Z")
> [@Damuri\_Ajashi](#): > > He is frequently associated with the snake that tempted Eve into eating the forbidden fruit. > > He is frequently associated with Ba’al. > > He has been called the “prince of this world” > > He tempts Christ to abandon his mission > > In the end he battles heaven and is cast into the fiery lake > > So I don’t think he is ever going to apologize and if he does he changes his mind. He is also frequently associated with Daniel Webster, Faust and a certain fiddle playing contest. In the Bible, what in particular has he done to ask forgiveness for? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-satan-said-im-sorry/570929.md?page=4)