# What if sex wasn't so fun? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 15, 2013, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-sex-wasnt-so-fun/674015 "2013-11-15T21:51:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2013, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-sex-wasnt-so-fun/674015/41 "2013-11-17T08:52:11Z")
I’m willing to speculate that while physical evolution can take a mighty long time, social evolution can happen in a comparative eyeblink. It therefore seems to me that, were desire to have sex for sex’s sake to vanish overnight, within a generation or so the most successful behaviour patterns would be those that caused people to form social relationships that provided for the begetting and upbringing of children and the instilling of the importance of the children’s continuation of the same. Pair-bonding is, so far as that goes, highly reasonable since the people with the most vested interest in the upbringing of children are the ones who end up doing so. There’s this insistence that if sex isn’t pleasurable as it is now then it must be highly repellent. That doesn’t follow. It needn’t necessarily be any more unpleasant than half an hour in the gym for those who get no pleasure from exercise, or any of a hundred different kinds of physical labour that we perform on a regular basis to stay alive. Gutting chickens or changing babies’ diapers is no fun, but if it needs doing then you learn to cope, and even become inured to an extent; you can even laugh and joke with your partner and say “Dear God, what have you been feeding this child!”. There’s no reason why baby-making need be any worse than that. True, _The Joy Of Sex_ would be gone in a frozen heartbeat, to be replaced with _How To Get Knocked Up With Minimal Fuss_, but hey. 😃 > [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Actually I think it more likely that with the lack in interest in sex and the resulting population crash you’d see a major backslide in women’s rights and gender relationships. You’d probably see a big push in many places for women to be coerced or outright forced into the role of “breeders” to “save the human race from extinction”. That’s just you, dude. You’re forgetting that men are equally necessary for reproduction and, in this scenario, equally indifferent to sex. You’d therefore see just as big a push for men to be coerced or outright forced into the role of “impregnators”; it’s arguable that women would still want babies in far greater numbers than men would want to beget and support them, and it’s men’s rights that would be taking the hit. Or else that both skewed positions are equally a crock. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2013, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-sex-wasnt-so-fun/674015/42 "2013-11-17T08:55:00Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Do you really believe that sex is the only reason for having a relationship or a marriage or a relationship? It’s a central reason for having romantic relationships, yes. And the purpose of most sex acts is social bonding/pleasure, not reproduction; in essence this change takes away the glue that makes such relationships hold together. > [@Loach](#): > > Remember, the premise did not take away human emotions, just pleasure in orgasms. It takes away sexual desire, which is an important emotion. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2013, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-sex-wasnt-so-fun/674015/43 "2013-11-17T15:42:48Z")
Short term, we’d have a serious problem of population reduction. Long term, it’s hard to say. Evolutionary forces would be at greater play than usual, and any genetic or social mechanisms that favored reproduction would quickly dominate the population. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2013, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-sex-wasnt-so-fun/674015/44 "2013-11-17T15:46:26Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > And as for people making “rational and thought out choices for life partners”; the rational choice is _not to have one_. No sex drive, no need for a “life partner” and probably no interest in one. They’d just get in the way by forcing constant compromises with your own desires and by being constantly irritating, with no reward for having them around. Just a roommate, really. If you want a kid, you can just send for some sperm or hire a woman to carry the kid without having to deal with the opposite gender on a personal level. I disagree. We’re obviously wired differently. I’d want a life partner regardless of sex. Admittedly, sex serves as an important bonding factor, and without it, a lot more marriages would fail. We’d definitely see more MM and FF couples living together, and I bet, more plural and flexible arrangements as well. BTW, we don’t need life partners for sex (news flash!) I won’t deny that it’s a factor, but most of us choose life partners (and choose to HAVE life partners) for a lot more reasons than merely to have sex. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2013, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-sex-wasnt-so-fun/674015/45 "2013-11-17T16:30:12Z")
As has been said, getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the in-flight peanuts. There are still plenty of reasons why people would pair off; mutual comfort, support, economy of scale, child-rearing, and actually valuing each other’s personality. Sex is one element of the glue, but by no means the only part or even the most important. I mean, I’m not Captain Feminism over here, but even I never said “What’s the point of having a woman about the place if she’s not going to fuck?”. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2013, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-sex-wasnt-so-fun/674015/46 "2013-11-17T17:41:59Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > It’s a central reason for having romantic relationships, yes. And the purpose of most sex acts is social bonding/pleasure, not reproduction; in essence this change takes away the glue that makes such relationships hold together. > > It takes away sexual desire, which is an important emotion. It’s the central reason to have short term hook ups. Unless you are desperate and think you’ll never find anyone else to fuck you, sex is low on the list to get married or have a long term monogamous relationship. Because you don’t need either to have sex. In fact it’s often a barrier to have more sex since your partner will generally frown upon random hook ups. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2013, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-sex-wasnt-so-fun/674015/47 "2013-11-17T17:44:22Z")
> [@Learjeff](#): > > I disagree. We’re obviously wired differently. I’d want a life partner regardless of sex. > > Admittedly, sex serves as an important bonding factor, and without it, a lot more marriages would fail. We’d definitely see more MM and FF couples living together, and I bet, more plural and flexible arrangements as well. > > BTW, we don’t need life partners for sex (news flash!) I won’t deny that it’s a factor, but most of us choose life partners (and choose to HAVE life partners) for a lot more reasons than merely to have sex. That I can see. It will certainly change the dynamic but not eliminate the want for partnerships. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2013, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-sex-wasnt-so-fun/674015/48 "2013-11-17T18:47:51Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > As has been said, getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the in-flight peanuts. There are still plenty of reasons why people would pair off; mutual comfort, support, economy of scale, child-rearing, and actually valuing each other’s personality. Sex is one element of the glue, but by no means the only part or even the most important. > > I mean, I’m not Captain Feminism over here, but even I never said “What’s the point of having a woman about the place if she’s not going to fuck?”. The most important reason to get married is to have someone to scratch your back. Second most important reason is to have someone to look at something that’s hurting, and ask if it’s a zit or blackhead or do I need to see the doctor? My daughter lives alone (well, she has two cats, but they aren’t much help) and I do worry about her when she does something like break a couple of ankle bones. It’s just a hell of a lot easier to go through life if you have someone who is willing to pick up your slack every now and then, and of course you return the favor. ---
**Author:** ![Measure\_for\_Measure](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/measure_for_measure/32/557_2.png) [@Measure\_for\_Measure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Measure_for_Measure)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2013, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-sex-wasnt-so-fun/674015/49 "2013-11-17T21:02:43Z")
As reproduction is sorta important evolutionaryily-wise, there are multiple biological/chemical pathways reinforcing pair bonding and even mating. Put another way, you could eliminate the pleasure received _during_ the sex act and animals would do it anyway. That wouldn’t destroy the sex drive, never mind other aspects of pair-attraction. Evidence. While I presume that female cats derive some pleasure from sex, they also seem to experience some pain. They do it anyway. This one is more graphic: female humans often tell the male to slow the heck down during The Act. Oddly, it’s not like slower speeds are not pleasurable. It’s just that it’s not the first inclination of some guys. Anyway, whether you interpret the OP narrowly or broadly will affect the outcome. **Der** interprets it broadly, for example. But narrowly speaking you could even retain a sex drive while eliminating the pleasure from the act itself. So the OP needs to think about the different sorts of inclinations to pair-bond (there are several) and decide which ones he would eliminate. (Get to work! 😃 ) ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2013, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-sex-wasnt-so-fun/674015/50 "2013-11-17T21:50:32Z")
Sex is 2 distinct things to me: 1- the desire to connect to another person at a very deep level. 2- a form of mutual self gratification. Without #2 along with masturbation, I don’t see much great loss, and hope those people can find pleasure elsewhere. In that I also see less unwanted children. Without #1 I see the end of humanity in the eyes of God, a flood reset, so to speak. No reason to continue, humanity has failed in evolution - invest in dolphin stock and hope for happy sex there instead. ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2013, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-sex-wasnt-so-fun/674015/51 "2013-11-17T23:44:03Z")
> [@turtlescanfly](#): > > I would tend to agree, but I’m specifically suggesting a scenario where it _was_ pleasurable and then quite suddenly became not so. Human race would be all but gone within a few generations. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-sex-wasnt-so-fun/674015.md?page=2)