“What if she doesn’t come with instructions?” and other silly parenting questions

[Jonathan_Chance]

I said it before and I’ll say it again: The single most intimidating moment in anyone’s life…

You’ve gone through labor and delivery.
You’re in the recovery room.
The nurse wheels your newborn in.
AND LEAVES!

‘Wait! My mom’s not here yet! Come back!’

You’ll do fine. It’s not hard…just tiring. And the fact that they can sleep for 20-22 hours per day the first few weeks is a big plus. It gives you time to acclimate.

FTR, we used ‘What to expect the first year’ as our guide to bringing them along. Useful.

[singlefile]

@Triskadecamus

Yes, read to your children!

Read them stuff they cannot possibly understand, too. Babies are a whole lot smarter than anyone realizes. Read some good stuff over and over, as well. Snuggle time, with books so familiar you can “read” them without looking are great for babies, and even toddlers. Keep the book there, though. It helps pair the good feelings with the object, so that a book will become a desirable object in itself.

In a lot less time than you expect, Nadia will be correcting your reading errors. Great moment, when it happens.

Tris

This is so important. When my daughter was younger she loved animals and James Herriot was her favorite author. She was maybe six and I was reading a chapter or two every night, but I was cleaning up the language as I read, substituting words like ‘gosh, darn, etc.’ One day she must have decided to read ahead because when I picked up the book that night she said “You might not want to read the next chapter cause it has bad words”

Other than reading to them, talk to them. This was awkward with my first baby, but by the third I was asking where he wanted to stop for lunch even though he was nursing.

On the cloth diaper subject… the easiest way for me was to put a little biz in the diaper pail. Half fill with water and toss em in (after depositing anything solid in the toilet) The water can be mostly drained off into the toilet and then the rest can be spun out of the washer if you have a washer that will let you do that.

Don’t worry about getting everything right. You are the Mom and therefore the smartest, prettiest, nicest creature on the planet. (This wears off in a few years, but we’re talking about babies here)

[ivylass]

I did cloth diapers with both kids, but I put my daughter in disposables at night so she wouldn’t wake up from feeling wet. I think it helped with potty-training too, since they could feel the consequences.

You can’t hold a newborn too much.

When you first come home with the baby, try to keep the visitors to a minimum. The day I came home from the hospital with Ivyboy we dropped off the suitcase and went over to his parents. If I’d been thinking I would have said no. I was exhausted, he was our first and I had no idea what the hell I was doing with a newborn baby. You and Daddy and baby need some bonding time. If you need mom to help you, have her come over a day or two later.

And remember, if the baby cries for two minutes because you’re busy doing something else, it’s okay. Finish what you’re doing, then go get them.

And if you’re nursing, I recommend walking around the house topless for awhile, especially if you have sensitive nipples.

When the baby wakes up at night, keep the noise and light to a minimum. When Ivyboy woke up, I’d take him to the kitchen to nurse him, turning on the lights and the tv. Of course, I couldn’t get him to go back to sleep.

With Ivygirl, she was in a cradle by the bed. I would turn on a small light, and pull her to nurse while I read. A lot of time she’d fall asleep while she was nursing and I could put her back into her cradle.

[eleanorigby]

Lots of good advice here…get used to it–everyone will want to give you some!

I say, if you want hubby and baby to yourself for a few days-go for it.

With our third, we did that–had my Mom come out a week after he was born. It was great.

I vow that if and when I become a grandma I will:

1. insist on coming out right away

2. offer and DO the following–clean the kitchen/bath/whatever

3. run errands, no matter how silly I think them

4. not lecture my son/dil or daughter on the “best” way to do anything (short of a dangerous thing)

Not saying all of those happened to me, but now that I know just how tiring it can be to take care of such a tiny creature, I really want to help…
Say it again: relaz. Don’t bother with What To Expect The First Year --I found it preachy and rigid and also too general to be any good.

I did cloth diapers for about 3 months with my oldest–then I switched to disposable. Never looked back–and I had a diaper service! Never washed them myself.

By all means, READ to this child–it can never hurt and it does alot of good. I used to read the paper aloud–it got me informed and in touch, and entertained them no end! I would put on silly voices and different accents–let yourself go!

Best of luck. Nadia is a beautiful name—but so is Eleanor (hint, heh)

[Scissorjack]

Good advice about the reading, but don’t forget music. Babies love music, and I’m sure it stimulates the development of some synapses or other. Doesn’t have to be nursery rhymes or classical, either - you might want to avoid Slayer, but Little Case {who turned three yesterday!} grew up on a steady aural diet of T. Rex, Shriekback, Bowie, Stones, Nick Drake and the Velvet Underground, likes to sit on my lap and actually listen to Daddy’s albums, and to this day will go to sleep to Neil Young.

[quilter]

You’re getting a lot of good advice! Oddly, this:

@MLS

Cloth diapers also make excellent shoulder or lap shields when burping or holding the baby, and when no longer needed for their original purpose are wonderful dustcloths.

turned out to be a suprise advantage when my daughter was young.

Back in the olden days, it was okay to let babies sleep on their tummies. I used to put a diaper under on the sheet where her head rested so that if she burpsed, it’d be caught by the diaper instead of the sheet.

She liked it. Instead of a favorite blanket, she carried a diaper around with her. When it got grungy, I just took the “binky” out of her hand and gave her a clean one. No wailing while waiting for the laundry, no sneaking it out of the bed whilst she slept.

Piece of (unintentional) cake!

[ShadiRoxan]

I’m a first time mom of a five week old, so I’m still learning. So far this is the advice I have:

Mothers can be a huge help during the first week, but they can also drive you up the wall with “But we never did things like that.” Stand firmly by what you believe in.

If you breastfeed realize that at first it can really suck. Just because it’s the natural thing to do doesn’t mean it starts out easy. Don’t give up. Get help.

Don’t be afraid to walk around topless. Your nipples are going to hurt at first until they toughen up. Having a shirt or bra rubbing up against them does not feel good.

Lansinoh is wonderful for cracked and bleeding nipples.

Co-sleeping is the only way I get any sleep. Monkey Boy refuses to sleep unless he is either in his swing, in the car, or touching me. If he’s in the bed with us he sleeps deeper. I’ve also gotten to the point where I’m barely waking up to feed him. When I hear him stirring I just plop a boob in his mouth and fall back asleep.

You can never have too many receiving blankets. They are great for swaddling, burping, absorbing pee, wiping off spit up, providing a clean spot on the ground to put the baby on, etc.

If your family doesn’t live nearby, make sure you have a digital camera. My mother gets daily pictures so she can see how much Monkey Boy has grown and changed in the short time since she’s seen him. It makes her happy.

[thirdwarning]

Lots of good advice here, the best being: relax and love the baby. These little guys are tougher than they look. I was terrified that I’d break my son’s toes off putting his feet into little sleepers, they looked so fragile, but he still has all ten.

Just a couple of things I will say. If you’re breastfeeding, drink a LOT. Also, remember there is nothing wrong with taking a little time for yourself. Baby will survive if you don’t spend every waking minute with her. (And so will you.)

Oh, and one more thing. Sometimes babies cry because you’re trying to calm them. They get overstimulated. Learn a good swaddling technique. They can probably show you this in the hospital. In fact, it may be standard procedure. We did this with my middle child when she got out of control. Nothing would calm her because everything we did just added more stimulation. So we wrapped her like a little football and she’d be asleep in about a minute. Eventually they learn a little more control, or they get used to things a little more.

[Nightingale]

I think we need a first time mommies support thread – there seem to be so many of us all of a sudden (my Hatchling is 10 weeks old).

I was amazed at how unafraid I was when it came to things like changing my baby’s clothes, burping, holding, etc. I’ve never been around other newborns, but with my own it really did seem to come pretty naturally. That was a relief.

All of the advice in this thread is great, especially the part about accepting help from the grannies. My mom and then hubby’s mom came and stayed with us during the day when we first came home from the hospital, and they made sure that I had to do nothing but care for baby and sleep. It was heavenly. I have a hard time accepting help, but letting them do my laundry and housekeeping the first couple of weeks really made my recovery easy (I had a C-section) and gave me time to bond with the kiddo. It was also nice to have them there to answer my dumb questions.

Ditto all the stuff ShadiRoxan said about breastfeeding – it can be such a challenge! I’ll add that tank tops with built in bras have been my favorite thing to wear for sleeping. You won’t want to go totally braless (or at least I didn’t) and they are much more comfortable than sleeping in a nursing bra. Plus when baby needs to eat at 3 a.m. you can just pull the neckline down and whip out the boob with no fuss.

And lastly, a product recommendation. Get yourself some kind of Boppy type pillow. The Hatchling loves his! He naps in it during the day, sleeps in our bed on it at night, and when he’s awake he can sit propped up and get a view of the world around him. I use it for a nursing pillow, too. We have this one and like it, but I suppose any similar pillow would work just as well. It is absolutely my favorite baby item.

Good luck with the little one!

[Cartooniverse]

I know I’m going out on a limb here, but I keep thinking that The Chicago Reader needs to start offering Dopers the chance to register their newborns now, for later membership. Much akin to the way exclusive private elementary schools allow parents to register the second a baby is born.

Cause, as God as my witness, we are going to want to hear from the Doper known as Monkey Boy.

( Mazel Tov to all of you new mommies. How COOL is this? Musta been a WHOOOOOOLE lotta lovin’ going on last August… )

[ShadiRoxan]

@Cartooniverse

Cause, as God as my witness, we are going to want to hear from the Doper known as Monkey Boy.

( Mazel Tov to all of you new mommies. How COOL is this? Musta been a WHOOOOOOLE lotta lovin’ going on last August… )

Especially since Monkey Boy’s father is 1010011010. He’s so much like him too.

And it was July.

[MLS]

@thirdwarning

Oh, and one more thing. Sometimes babies cry because you’re trying to calm them. They get overstimulated.

I second that. My first baby loved to be held and rocked to sleep, after which I would lay her down verrrrry carefully to sleep for many hours. Baby #2 would not stop crying. She was fed, dry, clean, and I rocked and rocked and she would not sleep. Suddenly the light dawned in my sleep-deprived brain. She was a DIFFERENT BABY. She wanted to be left the heck alone. But of course, I couldn’t have known up front which way it would be, and it just seemed natural to rock and cuddle a crying baby. She has, BTW, turned into a very sweet and loving person, although she still wants her own way always.

[JohnBckWLD]

@ShadiRoxan

…Co-sleeping is the only way I get any sleep. Monkey Boy refuses to sleep unless he is either in his swing, in the car, or touching me. If he’s in the bed with us he sleeps deeper. I’ve also gotten to the point where I’m barely waking up to feed him. When I hear him stirring I just plop a boob in his mouth and fall back asleep…

Please, PLEASE (In CK Dexter Haven form) STOP doing that.

I hate to sound like Chicken Little, but there are PSAs all over warning parents of infants Of The Hazzards:

Child safety advocates urge parents not to let babies sleep in bed with them. According to the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, infants sleeping in adult beds are 20 times more likely to suffocate than those who sleep alone in cribs.

Whether the number of unneccessary rollover & suffocation deaths are 1 (or 64) per year, that’s 1 (or 64) too many.

[Jaade]

Lots of great advice here.
My doctor told me to wake up my first baby and make sure I fed her every two hours. My mother, a nurse, told me that was ridiculous. She said I should let her sleep, she would wake me when she was hungry. I followed the doctors advice and forced my child to wake up for the first few months. Then she woke me up every few hours for the next few months. I wish I’d listened to my mom. She wasn’t hungry when I was feeding her and I was grumpy from not getting any sleep.

If they wake up, feed them. If not, let them sleep!

Don’t make them take a pacifier. If they really want one, it’s not going to hurt them, from my experience but not all babies need it. Don’t introduce it if you don’t feel that your baby is looking for that type of comforting suckling. Binky brand pacifiers are the only ones my son would take, my daughter never cared much for one. My son was weaned from his pretty young, too. Don’t “clean” pacifiers, bottle nipples…whatever by putting it in your mouth. I don’t know why people do that, but it’s not a good idea.

Don’t think that you need those little noisy mobiles or anything like that. Too much light/noise at bedtime is bad for the baby, it’s over-stimulation, as ivylass said.

Babies are messy affairs. I’d get as much of your life organized before the baby’s arrival as possible. It will make things easier for you afterwards. Accept any and all (helpful) help. Don’t be afraid to turn away help that isn’t helpful. That includes anything from baby-sitting services to hand-me-down clothes. If your baby just doesn’t need anymore, don’t feel you have to accept to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. You will gain a lot of clutter with the baby. It could drive you crazy to have to sort through things you really don’t want/need/use.

[lee]

After you nurse, leave a bit of breastmilk on your nipples to dry. It sounds like it would cause chapped nipples, but it really helps. Breast milk is a decent anti-bactierial.

You have to vary the way they face as they sleep or they develop flat spots in their head. They need to be on their back, but just facing various ways.

Never microwave breast milk. Breast milk is alive and microwaves kill it.

I love cloth diapers, but then we have a service. The service is not more costly than disposables and very convenient.

When I breastfed, I ate spicy foods and various vegetables which some will say is a no-no. Hot wings were a favorite. My daughter loved it and still likes spicy foods. Some vegetables and other foods you eat can give your baby gas, it is not easy to predict which ones will, just watch for it, and who can resist a baby who smells like hot wings?

If something gets in her eyes that stings (like tabasco sauce), mother’s milk seems to make the stinging go away faster than anything else.

One of the easiest ways to hurt your baby aside from shaking her, is to scald her. Be very careful of bath water temperature and hot foods and liquids.

Don’t eat honey if you breast feed. Honey can contain toxins from plants the bees visit. Apparently just a bit of Tansy or other weeds in a clover field can taint the honey and no-one would be able to tell until too late. Don’t feed your baby honey, which you probably already knew; it can containg botulism and toxins.

Whether or not you will need reinforcements depends a lot on the baby, and how birth went. I had both KellyM and my husband, so I don’t know what it would be like with only two.

Eat well the last two months. Gain the recommended weight during, about 1.5 pounds per week IIRC no matter how you have done up to that point. Eating will will help your baby put on reserve fat and help her to sleep through the night sooner.

[Cyros]

@Jaade

If they wake up, feed them. If not, let them sleep!

I’ve been wondering about this! Thanks! I’ve already got the same conflicting advice that you were told.

[ShadiRoxan]

I was told to wake him up after three hours for the first couple of weeks. He was also jaundiced which causes them to sleep more (if that’s even possible).

[Shirley_Ujest]

Don’t do a blanket in bed ( or pillow or those crib thingies that go around the edge…all of those are a no-no and grossly over priced.)
A sleep sack thingie patterns vary, prices vary, but google them for more info. Originated, AFAIK, in Germany.

[Shirley_Ujest]

Bumper pads…GAH…that’s it! Anyways, those are a no, no.

Here’s why

Baby in a bag

[JohnBckWLD]

@Shirley Ujest

Here’s why

Not to mention the fact sleep sacks help contain dirty diaper odors.