# What if Spiderman had been bitten by something other than a spider? **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [April 13, 2011, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215 "2011-04-13T12:05:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2011, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215/1 "2011-04-13T12:05:05Z")
Lets list some other things that could become irradiated and bite someone, then a power associated with that thing. Just to keep things interesting, the list will be in alphabetical order. I’ll start. Armadilloman fast-travels by rolling himself. Beeman is the Queen of England’s personal bodyguard who likes chewing gum. ---
**Author:** ![willthekittensurvive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/91b2a8/32.png) [@willthekittensurvive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/willthekittensurvive)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2011, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215/2 "2011-04-13T12:09:47Z")
Armadilloman Beeman and … Caterpillar man! When threatened spins his self a cozy cocoon only to reappear as a fully pupated…ah you will have to wait for the M for that! ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2011, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215/3 "2011-04-13T12:22:24Z")
Well he’d have become SomethingotherthanaspiderMan. Pretty ghetto if you ask me. Doesn’t roll off the tongue as well. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2011, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215/4 "2011-04-13T14:14:48Z")
Dogman… he’d pee on the Kingpin’s expensive rug, and chew up Dr. Octopus’s new slippers, then howl/whimper all night until the Vulture woke up and took him for a walk. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2011, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215/5 "2011-04-13T14:20:28Z")
Good thing he wasn’t bitten by a donkey, otherwise he’d be the Assman. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2011, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215/6 "2011-04-13T14:30:57Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > Good thing he wasn’t bitten by a donkey, otherwise he’d be the Assman. He’d get lots of chicks that way. Trust me. Or rather, trust Cosmo Kramer. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2011, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215/7 "2011-04-13T14:54:37Z")
Elephant-man. Oh, wait, we already had one of those. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2011, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215/8 "2011-04-13T14:59:34Z")
La Cucharacha - Cockroach Man, hero of the Chicanos. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2011, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215/9 "2011-04-13T16:42:01Z")
Monkeyman. Instead of web shooters, he had poopshooters. Then they retconned it. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2011, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215/10 "2011-04-13T16:47:43Z")
Iguanaman. The superpowers aren’t that great, but every time the bad guys touch him, they get salmonella. Chickenman. We’d kill him but we need the eggs. ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2011, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215/11 "2011-04-13T16:49:15Z")
Don’t make so much fun! After all “The Blowfish Avenger” from _The Tick_ turned out to be pretty bad-ass once in his proper, natural environment. Caterpillar-man and La Cucaracha would have their day, trust me. Especially if like Aquaman, _El Cucarachombre_ (a more probable hero name) could summon hordes of helpers to do his bidding. In NYC that would be a truly effective, and terrifying, ability. Especially if it turned out some super-villains had, you know, _a thing_ about insects. Like Dr. Doom. (_“No no no nonononono NOOOOOOOO not YOU!!!”_) ---
**Author:** ![Sr\_Siete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Sr\_Siete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sr_Siete)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2011, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215/12 "2011-04-13T16:52:03Z")
After an accidentally-irradiated janitor bites young Peter Parker he became Mop-Man! Cleaning the city of crime! ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2011, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215/13 "2011-04-13T17:04:32Z")
> [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](#): > > Monkeyman. > > Instead of web shooters, he had poopshooters. Then they retconned it. But he’d have a [kickass theme song.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNY8eYmzdH4) > [@kunilou](#): > > Chickenman. We’d kill him but we need the eggs. [Already been done.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcQfy1SavdQ) Rattlesnake Man. Great name, but unfortunately, he’d be dead before his powers kick in. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2011, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215/14 "2011-04-13T17:38:26Z")
Bitten by a radioactive [veteran actor](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Spader), Peter Parker gained the ability to convincingly portray a variety of different men. I give you…[Spader-Man](http://www.arcade-lounge.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2006/12/spaderman.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Jeff\_Lichtman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeff_lichtman/32/1531_2.png) [@Jeff\_Lichtman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff_Lichtman)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2011, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215/15 "2011-04-13T18:01:26Z")
Ant-man would have the power to ruin even the largest picnics. He could carry off a whole catering truck full of ribs and potato salad. Cat-man would ignore criminals while sleeping in his cardboard box of solitude. No criminal’s trash would be safe with raccoon-man on the job. Don’t get me started on stink-bug-man. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2011, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215/16 "2011-04-13T21:32:47Z")
Ferretman: Fast, agile and has a “ferret sense” that lets him find things. Easily distracted by shiny objects. Gecko-Man: Can hypnotically compel people to buy insurance. Plus, he can lick his own eyeballs, which makes him very popular with the ladies. Hawk Man: Is hounded into seclusion by relentless lawsuits by DC Comics. Iguana Man: A lizardlike humanoid, the enemy of Curt Connors, know as Doctor Arachnid in this timeline. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2011, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215/17 "2011-04-13T23:38:00Z")
> [@Jeff\_Lichtman](#): > > Cat-man would ignore criminals while sleeping in his cardboard box of solitude. The sad thing is how accurately this mirrors the actual Catman… ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2011, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215/18 "2011-04-14T00:15:38Z")
What’s really sad is how many of these I recognize as actual comic characters. Armadillo- A Marvel supervillian. Bees- Besides the Crimson Bee, we have the supervillian Swarm. Iguana- hmm, I know Marvel has a Ghila monster villain. Cat Man- As Jay Jay said, Cat Man is an extremely minor DC villain. He has 9 lives, all felines (including tigers and what not) love him, his costume is made from the covering of an African cat totem. Most of his life he was just a kooky, one-not villain. A few writers have done interesting things with him- like when he teamed up with The Rejects (including Killer Moth). Dog Man- Marvel had a Mad Dog supervillain (he was the ex husband of HellCat) Ant Man- Is a very old Marvel property and founding member of the Avengers. His wife is the Wasp and he was YellowJacket for a while. Frog Man- A thug who invented a jumping costume. He eventually retired when he had a son. Said son (stereotypically fat and nerdy) tried using the costume to fight crime. Kangaroo- Was a SpiderMan villain from down under. The Human Flea- Appeared in an issue of Batman. He could jump for miles and threw bags of fleas at his victims to distract them. Cockroach Man- In an issue of Astro City, we meet the heroic Palmetto. He seems to be a giant flying cockroach. Eel- A few Marvel villains have worn the electric, slippery costume and gone by this name. Anaconda, Black Mamba, Sidewinder, Puff Adder, Death Adder, Diamond Back, Boom Slang, Black Racer, Coach Whip- and a few others I forget have all been members of the villainous Serpent Society ---
**Author:** ![ZenBeam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3ab097/32.png) [@ZenBeam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZenBeam)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2011, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215/19 "2011-04-14T00:57:52Z")
Now we must (try to) find interesting examples that weren’t actually comic characters already. Hmmm… Cicada man: Only shows up for a few days, once every 17 years… ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2011, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215/20 "2011-04-14T01:08:53Z")
Platypus Man! Paralyzes his enemies with laughter. Oh, and venom. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-spiderman-had-been-bitten-by-something-other-than-a-spider/578215.md?page=2)