# What If You Came with a Label? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 12, 2014, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604 "2014-01-12T20:18:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604/1 "2014-01-12T20:18:07Z")
What if you came with a label attached? What would it say? Mine would say: \*\*BONA FIDE ANTIQUE. AVOID PIV. FEED WITH PEANUT BUTTER AND CHOCOLATE. \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604/2 "2014-01-12T20:22:55Z")
I long ago wavered, decided against and have regretted ever since not buying a t-shirt that was black with a very official-looking little technical warning label in the center of the chest. It read: DON’T FUCK WITH ME. I FUCK BACK. I guess, really, I don’t know where I would have ever worn it. But in varying degrees of politeness, it’s as close to a personal label as I can put into few words. ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604/3 "2014-01-12T21:18:56Z")
WARNING: VOLATILE Contents under pressure. Do not puncture container. Do not expose to heat or open flame. ---
**Author:** ![Flywheel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Flywheel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flywheel)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604/4 "2014-01-12T21:35:00Z")
Harmful or fatal if swallowed ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604/5 "2014-01-12T21:37:19Z")
Handle with care. Bruises easily ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604/6 "2014-01-12T21:37:24Z")
\ WARNING: Philosophical Hazard ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604/7 "2014-01-12T21:38:46Z")
On front side: Legen ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604/8 "2014-01-12T21:39:48Z")
(wait for it) back side: dary ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604/9 "2014-01-12T21:45:58Z")
Store in a warm, sunny place. Say, a beach. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604/10 "2014-01-12T22:25:12Z")
Heavily medicated for your protection. I like it! ---
**Author:** ![Capt\_Kirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@Capt\_Kirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt_Kirk)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604/11 "2014-01-12T22:30:06Z")
My label should be the same thing I say before I kick on the PA when working. **LOUD WARNING** **Capt** ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604/12 "2014-01-12T22:48:43Z")
My toddler’s would read: Warning: May cause muscle strain if lifted Dances without warning Will cause strangers (especially teenage girls) to turn to mush Side effects include moderate to severe being loved, sticky hands, missing chocolate and fleeing cats ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604/13 "2014-01-12T22:53:05Z")
**Assembled in USA with foreign components** ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604/14 "2014-01-12T23:04:25Z")
**Slightly Irregular Provided “as is” with no warranties whatsoever, either express or implied User assumes responsibility for any and all damages resulting from use Non-returnable/non-refundable** ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604/15 "2014-01-12T23:12:34Z")
Made in india 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Barking\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Barking\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barking_Dog)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604/16 "2014-01-12T23:29:26Z")
Store in a cool, dry place, away from pets or children. Side effects include: nausea, vomiting, an intense desire to shower. Take only as needed. Consult a physician if experiencing depression or thoughts of suicide. Machine wash only. **NO REFUNDS!** ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604/17 "2014-01-13T00:24:57Z")
Point cap away from you while opening. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604/18 "2014-01-13T08:42:18Z")
For general purpose use only. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604/19 "2014-01-13T09:06:11Z")
I was instructed by the SDMB that objects don’t “say” anything. My label would read “High Voltage.” ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604/20 "2014-01-13T10:40:09Z")
Light touch paper and stand well back. Keep out of reach of children. Contains high fructose corn syrup. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-came-with-a-label/678604.md?page=2)