# What if you were the last person on earth **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 23, 2000, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304 "2000-05-23T18:42:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Homer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Homer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homer)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2000, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304/21 "2000-05-24T07:37:19Z")
Y’know, I watched the first part of The Stand last night, and I was thinking about this the whole way to work today. I’d find a Viper. Then, I’d loot BB for CDs, DVDs, and home theater equipment. Then, I’d loot one of the local car audio places for, ta-da, car audio. Then, I’d put the best damn system in the world in my car, and the best damn home theater in the world in my house. I’d loot Aldi’s for all the frozen pizzas they got, and loot BB for a huge frickin freezer to keep the pizzas in. Then, I’d make frozen pizzas and watch DVDs till my eyes rotted out. Then, I’d go travelling in my Viper trying to find some chicks. Don’t worry, with almost NO power being used, the power plants would probably be operational for a long, long time. I’d just gas’n’go from all the stations, shit, who’s there to pay? I’d take a long, long road trip, but I’d always come back home. And VB, you’re right. A MAJOR case of the willies would cause me to gank a backhoe and do a mass burial of anyone within 5 miles of me, and tow their cars to a remote location so the roads would be open. That is, if people’s bodies were around, and they hadn’t just dissappeared or something. I think about this too much. This, superpowers, and winning the lottery. I should concentrate more on being happy with the life I DO have, I guess. –Tim ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2000, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304/22 "2000-05-24T07:58:47Z")
What’d ya do? Burn up Old Lady Semple’s check? How was the nut house your stepfather the sheriff brought you to for shock treatments? You workin’ in a car wash now? Cibola! Cibola! ::Falling into the Caesar’s fountain:: ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2000, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304/23 "2000-05-24T10:09:10Z")
I’d pass myself off as the new Cecil Adams. Problem is, there wouldn’t be a “teeming millions”. “Teeming one”? “Teeming none”? OK, this is a stupid post. But plnnr beat me to the punch. ---
**Author:** ![Girlbysea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Girlbysea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girlbysea)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2000, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304/24 "2000-05-24T10:14:47Z")
Run nekkid through the streets!! Did I say that? ---
**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2000, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304/25 "2000-05-24T11:44:53Z")
GBS yes you did lol… I think I would do the same thing. I would have no fear of everyone running screaming the other way. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2000, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304/26 "2000-05-24T15:39:42Z")
First of all, I’d recreate the underwear scene from Risky Business. Except I’d go it in Time Square. Next, I’d make friends with the cockroaches, as we all know they’ve just been itching for an excuse to take over. Finally, I’d sleep in museums. 15th century furniture, here I come! ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2000, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304/27 "2000-05-24T15:49:02Z")
I think I’d do alot of finger painting. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2000, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304/28 "2000-05-24T15:51:38Z")
'Me? I guess I would have to drive my 911 porsche off the showroom floor, load it up with asti spumante and caviar then cruise over to that factory that makes the lifelike female rubber dolls. ’ You wouldn’t be able to get gas, there would be no one to turn on the power plants, that give electricity to the gas pumps. Plus, the showrooms would probably have the keys in a vault, which you couldn’t open. Next, the caviar would have spoiled without electricity to keep it fresh in the store refrig. Assuming you could get in the store since the doors are usually electrically opened… Ill just take a nice day at the beach. ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2000, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304/29 "2000-05-24T16:11:24Z")
> [@](#): > > You wouldn’t be able to get gas, there would be no one to turn on the power plants, that give electricity to the gas pumps. Plus, the showrooms would probably have the keys in a vault, which you couldn’t open. Next, the caviar would have spoiled without electricity to keep it fresh in the store refrig. Assuming you could get in the store since the doors are usually electrically opened… _Assuming_ that what you say is true handy…then I would have to revert to plan B. ( I’m still working on that) ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2000, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304/30 "2000-05-24T17:01:13Z")
Hmmmmmmmmmmm! I think I’d sit with a bottle of 151 and watch Canadian Sue and GBS run naked in the streets! 😉 And speaking of that, where’s Falcon and Purplebear? ---
**Author:** ![rubes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@rubes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rubes)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2000, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304/31 "2000-05-24T17:34:47Z")
To establish energy, I would probably try to scrape up solar panels and the like, download survival info, and gather up some boyscout books, canned goods etc. I don’t know what I would do for fun, though ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Girlbysea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Girlbysea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girlbysea)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2000, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304/32 "2000-05-24T21:55:01Z")
Hey CanadianSue!!! Come on… VB is watching!! Woohoo ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2000, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304/33 "2000-05-24T22:15:32Z")
I’ve actually been thinking about this a lot lately, mainly because about a month a go, I was working on my English Final. 5 comprehensive essays on The Stand and Stephen King. I think what I would do is stock up on all my fav foods, and all the food I could never afford, and move into a nice large library. Then I would get a nice car…I’m not sure what kind. I think I’d track down a 57 Chev or a custom hot rod. THen I would commence watching every movie I never had the time to watch, and then I would read every book I never had time to read. Then I would scavenge to stock up on my contact lenses so I can see everything. Oh, and I would travel all over the country, depending on the weather. Of course, I’d probably be incredibly lonely, and I’ll probably break my leg or have my appendix burst a la The Stand, and I won’t know what to do. ---
**Author:** ![Sangria](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@Sangria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangria)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2000, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304/34 "2000-05-24T22:44:06Z")
And you are my pod garden. ---
**Author:** ![MagicalSilverKey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@MagicalSilverKey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MagicalSilverKey)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2000, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304/35 "2000-05-25T00:24:04Z")
I’m sorry but being the ONLY person left one earth sounds TERRIBLY boring. I would rather be one of just a FEW living people left, than THE only one. That would make it more challenging and exciting. The movie “The Omega Man” comes to mind. aka a novel by Richard Matheson titled, “I am Legend”… either that scenario, or a world overrun with the living dead as in “Dawn of the Dead” First thing I would do is go pick up a brand spankin new Dodge Viper GTS, a fully loaded gasoline tanker truck, and a Humvee. Take Humvee to nearest military armory and load it with as much firepower as it can possibly contain…also pick up gasoline powered generators Then I would hole up in a fully stocked Walmart store, and bobby trap it to the hilt… Anyone/thing comes after my food, nuke it with rocket launcher or 50 cal machine gun!(except normal hot human babes of course) Running down zombies with a Humvee would be a blast! The more “un-dead” they are, the more points I get for running over them! Paint little caskets on the side of side of the Humvee, like pilots do, for each deadhead I squish. (Note: I would only be killing zombies & hostile thieves, not normal people.) “This is my BOOM-stick! Now, who wants some?” Ash - Army of Darkness ---
**Author:** ![panamajack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/47e85d/32.png) [@panamajack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panamajack)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2000, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304/36 "2000-05-25T00:43:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > > OK, I’d try and be REALLY creative about killing myself. Maybe I could open up all the gas cranes in the Taj Mahal and crash into it with one of them kick-ass Tupulev transporter planes. Nothing against Hindus, mind you, just for effect 😃 > > But… who would be there to see it? > \*\* You may have nothing against Hindus, Coldfire, but what’s that got to do with an Islamic mausoleum? Of course, you’re right, no one’d be there to see it. Jeff\_42, I saw _The Quiet Earth_ and liked it. Pretty trippy ending. What would I do? Learn how to farm right quick, since that’s probably the only way to even try to survive more than a few years. But I’d go crazy thinking that somewhere, someone else might be alive. And she’d probably think the same way. Oh, and I’d wave hi to the six kids on Ray Bradbury’s rocket. For fun, I’d get a skateboard and play around in a trashed house. panama jack * * * “It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine …” ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2000, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304/37 "2000-05-25T00:51:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > You may have nothing against Hindus, Coldfire, but what’s that got to do with an Islamic mausoleum? > \*\* Oh, ALRIGHT! I stand corrected. Goddamn wiseasses on these boards 😉 ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2000, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304/38 "2000-05-25T03:00:03Z")
Knowing me, i’d probably try to bring back to life a few males to “amuse” me, and to have stimulating conversation with. Also, i think I’d probably wander to someplace lovely and just roll in the grass and stare at the stars. ---
**Author:** ![Zion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b5e925/32.png) [@Zion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zion)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2000, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304/39 "2000-05-25T04:35:58Z")
Like many who posted here, I’d skip the fun stuff, and head straight to setting myself up to live out the rest of my natural life, alone on this great planet of ours. Basically I’d dig in for the long haul. I’d need energy, which might come from solar panels, wind, or water. I might have to move to a more hospitable place, since the desert is not a good option. A lake front property sounds nice. Of course I’d get liftime supplies of clothes, water, weapons, ammo…etc. A few books on survival, hunting, building would come in handy too. No doubt I’d need a boat as well. A car won’t help much, since I’d eventully run out of gas…but in the short run it would be essential in gathering my supplies for life. Yea, I’d make it. Wow, talk about being lonely though. ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2000, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304/40 "2000-05-25T05:08:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > There’s about a zillion and a half things I’d want to do, but foremost, I’d go to Toys R Us and play with every freaking toy I could get my hands on. > > After that I think I’d like to snoop through the houses of people I knew. I have ALWAYS wanted to do that. > \*\* So Mega, when did you want to marry me? _L_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-you-were-the-last-person-on-earth/20304.md?page=1)