# What if your son rapes your daughter? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [October 30, 2013, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657 "2013-10-30T16:01:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657/21 "2013-10-30T18:35:28Z")
_ **The Aristocrats!** _ ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657/22 "2013-10-30T18:36:44Z")
> [@Telemarked for Death](#): > > _ **The Aristocrats!** _ Please don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657/23 "2013-10-30T18:44:21Z")
> [@Charredcasm](#): > > And how would that help your daughter? Her brother rapes her and her mother thinks only of _her_self and _her_ pain. If you do such a selfish act, what message are you sending your daughter? That life isn’t worth living if you are related to someone who is raped? First of all, you’re right. But I’d \*want \*to kill myself. Second of all… dude. You’ve known me for 13 years, and you still can’t remember I’m a guy? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657/24 "2013-10-30T18:54:12Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > First of all, you’re right. But I’d \*want \*to kill myself. > > Second of all… dude. You’ve known me for 13 years, and you still can’t remember I’m a guy? Dude, I have mornings where I have to check inside my _own_ underwear for confirmation. The fact remains that you should find out what went wrong before even _thinking_ about disowning a child. What if there was a mental problem, or what if it was a learned behavior(your son being abused over a period of time without your knowledge, for instance.) Couple that with your obligation to comfort, protect and, above all else, _listen_ to your daughter, and banish all “poor, poor, shamed me” thoughts. Your are not the most damaged person in this scenario, and you might not even be the second most damaged. ---
**Author:** ![sweeteviljesus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@sweeteviljesus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sweeteviljesus)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657/25 "2013-10-30T19:05:47Z")
Yes, I was thinking of forcible rape. Was also curious to know whether the responders had children. As it happens, a friend did tell me that her brother had raped her, presumably when they were both minors. Also, and I should be ashamed, it didn’t occur to me that this does not happen in a vacuum. It just seemed like a dilemma to me. And it would tear a family apart. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657/26 "2013-10-30T19:33:56Z")
I’m curious if the posters saying they would disown the son would also do so if the victim was a stranger. Would parental suicide still be called for? And where does unconditional love enter into the equation (fyi, I don’t believe that unconditional love exists, but lots of people do). In my imagination (not having kids), it seems to me that I would feel different about a son who beat up his sister versus one who beat and raped his sister. But I am not sure the distinction is really that important. ---
**Author:** ![Dissonance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85f322/32.png) [@Dissonance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dissonance)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657/27 "2013-10-30T19:34:59Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Questions like these give me another reason I am glad I’ve choose not to breed. Assuming you had bred, what would you do if your son shook your daughter’s hand? ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657/28 "2013-10-30T19:56:08Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > Someone’s about to get a time-out! On the Group W bench! ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657/29 "2013-10-30T20:16:54Z")
Now I feel like the odd man out because I have no idea, and have never given the question much thought. Only on the SDMB. Regards, Sho-damned ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657/30 "2013-10-30T20:27:41Z")
> [@Sho-damned](#): > > Now I feel like the odd man out because I have no idea, and have never given the question much thought. Me neither. It’s a question that has never crossed my mind—and I would hope would never have crossed my mind even if I _had_ a son and a daughter, any more than “What if your son cooks and eats your daughter, with fava beans and a nice Chianti?” ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657/31 "2013-10-30T20:38:31Z")
:: sigh :: :: debates whether I should share :: Okay, but sketchy on the details for obvious privacy-protection reasons, okay? When I was a teen, I was molested over a summer by my adult stepbrother. We both lived with my stepmom and my dad. We were all at the time members of a religious cult, which is known to you all as a mainstream religion. So here’s how that was handled: My parents went to the church and left it in their hands. This church does not believe in paid clergy; but they do believe in personal divine inspiration. No cops were called, nobody was reported to CPS, I was not removed from the home and placed somewhere safe. He moved out when it all came out. The church leaders, after some thoughtful prayer, decided that he should be excommunicated, but I did not fight to the death; therefore, I was at least partially responsible (because everyone knows that 15-year-olds are slutty sluts who deserve to be raped). So I was put on probation for six months (that’s probation from being in good standing with the church, no secular authorities were ever made aware of my case). After six months, I asked to be reinstated but was told I needed to repent, but not for what. I still don’t know what I did wrong besides do my homework and go to church and school and obey the men unquestioningly as I was taught to do. Yet it was my fault somehow (nobody explained to me how, exactly, I asked for it) and I was punished, just not as severely as he was. He eventually moved out of state. The church recommended counseling. My parents took me to three sessions before my stepmom declared me cured and it was never discussed again. Ever. To this day. Not one word about it. We all pretend it never happened. I do not go home for holidays, but not to avoid him. I don’t care about him; I forgave him a long time ago. He was as much a victim of a sick and twisted system as I was. I have not forgiven the church and my parents for not protecting me as they should have and for acting like it was my fault. I don’t know that seeing my stepbrother go to jail would have made me feel any better because the church still taught that I was a slutty slut who had it comin’ and that I was dirty damaged goods and nobody would ever want me. That fucked me up more than anything else, but as long as my stepmother didn’t have to send her own only son to jail for rape, well then it’s all good, ain’t it? :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657/32 "2013-10-30T20:38:45Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Me neither. It’s a question that has never crossed my mind—and I would hope would never have crossed my mind even if I _had_ a son and a daughter, any more than “What if your son cooks and eats your daughter, with fava beans and a nice Chianti?” Now that you bring it up - she’s Asian, so he would probably be hungry again an hour later. Regards, Sho-damned ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657/33 "2013-10-30T20:40:55Z")
> [@Charredcasm](#): > > A brother forcibly raping a sister doesn’t just happen out of the blue-something got twisted somewhere, and if your only response is pretend that the child doesn’t exist I think your next course of action should be to get yourself fixed. Mental illness is not normally something that comes from the upbringing, though it does pop into my mind that a tumor in the brain, or a head injury can cause some pretty whacked psychotic behaviors in otherwise perfectly normal people. With the interest in head injuries in young athletes currently if the boy played some sport and sustained a head injury, a rape could occur with absolutely no prior violent behavior. At any rate, not having bred I don’t have the problem, but if we did have kids … I would get my daughter counseling, a physical exam by her gyn and I would have my son checked by a doctor and if he was not suffering a tumor or a head injury, he would be arrested and charged and while he was in jail I would hire a psychologist to meet with him regularly to see if there were something we could do to help him mentally to deal with the mess. If there were organic reasons for his actions, they would be dealt with and I would hire a lawyer to see what the legal options are for what happens next. If he still has to go to jail, I would see that he had our families support while in. [I don’t know offhand what the legal treatment of the situation needs to be offhand.] ---
**Author:** ![IceQube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@IceQube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IceQube)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657/34 "2013-10-30T20:55:55Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Me neither. It’s a question that has never crossed my mind—and I would hope would never have crossed my mind even if I _had_ a son and a daughter, any more than “What if your son cooks and eats your daughter, with fava beans and a nice Chianti?” What do you mean by eat? Pussy licking? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657/35 "2013-10-30T21:13:19Z")
> [@Sho-damned](#): > > Now that you bring it up - she’s Asian, so he would probably be hungry again an hour later. > > Regards, > Sho-damned Please stop. ---
**Author:** ![CLee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@CLee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CLee)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657/36 "2013-10-30T21:14:49Z")
> [@Sho-damned](#): > > Now that you bring it up - she’s Asian, so he would probably be hungry again an hour later. > > Regards, > Sho-damned Someone just shared a horrendous real-life experience and you make a disgusting joke. Why would you think this is okay? ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657/37 "2013-10-30T21:23:09Z")
> [@CLee](#): > > Someone just shared a horrendous real-life experience and you make a disgusting joke. Why would you think this is okay? In **Sho-damned** ’s defense, the time stamp on his post is the same as that on the one before it, so I assume he didn’t see the horrendous experience post when he posted. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657/38 "2013-10-30T21:28:35Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > In **Sho-damned** ’s defense, the time stamp on his post is the same as that on the one before it, so I assume he didn’t see the horrendous experience post when he posted. In his defense? Look at what is being discussed here and the real-life situations brought up, and tell me that his post was at all appropriate _before_ that particular story was told. ---
**Author:** ![Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emtar_KronJonDerSohn)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657/39 "2013-10-30T21:42:24Z")
I actually thought it was a pretty funny joke on its own; being improper makes it even funnier. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657/40 "2013-10-30T22:08:29Z")
> [@Dissonance](#): > > Assuming you had bred, what would you do if your son shook your daughter’s hand? Nothing, why would that even be considered a problem among family members. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-your-son-rapes-your-daughter/672657.md?page=3)