# What in the hell . . . **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 20, 2002, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832 "2002-09-20T16:34:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832/81 "2002-09-26T19:02:06Z")
**Moose With Hemorroids** hasn’t put out any really good sounding cole slaw in the past 7.33592\* occipital cycles. Just another goddam sellout… **Skeezix** , the lack-of-rules clearly states that I must notify you that I’ve collected 43% of this round’s tesseract chips (less fattening than Buffalo chips) and hence have a plurality and best position for advancing to the Moon wicket. The rest of you have to sing the ‘neener-neener-neener’ song. \*After six PM, 7.99857. ---
**Author:** ![Mojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Mojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mojo)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832/82 "2002-09-26T19:55:55Z")
I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’ve got a good excuse- it was hot and I was hungry. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832/83 "2002-09-26T20:04:26Z")
I didn’t do it. Nobody saw me. You can’t prove nuthin’. ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832/84 "2002-09-27T07:16:30Z")
neener-neener-neener neener all day long neener-neener-neener I sing this neener song :: flings singularity at **Tygr** :: There. So much for your plurality. 😃 However, you do score a small metric buttload of points for advancing to the Moon wicket. I’m callin’ eclipse rules on the next inning, so you gotta play blindfolded. [sub]Now where’d I put that plastic ibex?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832/85 "2002-09-27T07:45:05Z")
Whoops, I just touched the opposite pole so everyone needs to trade scores with someone else. I’ll take the aardvark’s score of “Plenty”. Hmmm. I was just perusing the un-rules and it states that to win a game of **UncleBeerWhatthehellisgoinginhere** (more popularly known as **UncleBeerHell** ) that the winner is determined from the final contestants as the first one to cut their own head off with a chainsaw. Urp. Seeing as how we’re at least a full game week from being in the finals I suspect we’ll see some furious play to reach this honor. I fully intend to bring the Golden Chainsaw back to my fair country where it rightfully belongs. Avast, ye swabs! A poignard in your codpiece! ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832/86 "2002-09-27T09:46:28Z")
Gentlemen (and Mooses), as a student of language, especially American euphemisms, I find this thread revealing: > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tiggeril \* > You’ve been molesting my penguins again, haven’t you?! But it just gets better… > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Horseflesh \* > Avast, ye swabs! A poignard in your codpiece! Is that a poignard in your codpiece, or are you just pleased to see me? ---
**Author:** ![anya\_marie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@anya\_marie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anya_marie)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832/87 "2002-09-27T10:04:20Z")
I get to DJ!! First up “Kare Kare” by Crowded House ! Any of you, gotta request? And if someone would be so kind as to pour me a Guinness! ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832/88 "2002-09-27T13:00:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by anya marie \* > **I get to DJ!! First up “Kare Kare” by Crowded House ! Any of you, gotta request?** Sex Dwarf by Soft Cell Fish Heads by Barnes & Barnes Eyeball in My Martini by The Cramps ::Sticks Sir Alec in a blender, purées for five minutes and shakes well:: One liquid human coming up! ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832/89 "2002-09-27T16:52:46Z")
Thanks anyway, but my consititution won’t allow me to drink liquid human until after 12 pm KST\* every third equinox. (Though I’m thinking of introducing a Bill [sub]“Hello, Bill!”[/sub] to amend my constitution.) **Skeezix** , I’m standing here beside myself – where in the world did you pick up a singularity in this under-inflated market…? I’m just aghast… [sup]“You’re not aghast, you live here! **I’m** the ghast!”[/sup] :: Puts blindfold on and immediately begins stumbling around the playing rhombus (if we were playing indoors, it’d of course be a rhombus-room) :: Okay, I’ve found the ibex! I’ve got a good grip on it. I think… Wait. It might not be the ibex… Oh, please tell me it’s not the codpiece… [sub]\*Koozbane Savings Time[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![anya\_marie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@anya\_marie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anya_marie)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832/90 "2002-09-27T19:56:33Z")
Alright, people! we are goig to hear what Horseflesh has requested which is: Sex Dwarf by Soft Cell Fish Heads by Barnes & Barnes Eyeball in My Martini by The Cramps Good call, dude. Any other requests? ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2002, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832/91 "2002-09-28T02:26:47Z")
::Grabs **Tygr** by the wrist and begins to jitterbug to the melodious strains of Sex Dwarf, Fish Heads, and Eyeball In My Martini all being played at once:: _Isn’t it nice, sugar and… Fish Heads, Fish Heads, roly poly… eyeballs, eyeballs everywhere!_ This sure beats running from Balrogs, eh? Say, do you remember that time in Tangiers…? Nah, prolly not. You were blindfolded and drunk that time too. ::Spins **Tygr** round ~14,000 times and shoves towards the Alicorn Pit. Sprinkles floor liberally with pink perforated pinstriped ping pong balls:: Now don’t get nervous. One of them has the magic lodestone lodged in it’s hoof. The other 99 will burst into a horde of burrowing death scarabs when touched. Piece o’ cake! By the by, that _wasn’t_ an ibex you had a hold of. That was my finger! Ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa! ::Pulls finger:: Brraa-a-a-a-a-ppp-pp! ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2002, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832/92 "2002-09-28T07:46:27Z")
\ 83 seconds in the penalty box for the first fart joke! [sub]That I noticed, anyway.[/sub] Bag flag zone! Getcher pertater sacks here! :: looks at **Tygr** closely :: Beside yourself? Well, I’ll be damned, so you are. Didn’t we meet on that bridge building mountain climb? No? Oh well. :: bounces off towards Alicorn pit, oblivious :: ---
**Author:** ![anya\_marie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@anya\_marie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anya_marie)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2002, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832/93 "2002-09-28T10:16:55Z")
No one has any requests? None of y’all want to have me play anything? I think we should at least hear the version of “Break Stuff” off of the 1999 Family Values Tour album, and then we will hear “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails. How can i do a good job if nobody makes a request? ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2002, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832/94 "2002-09-28T12:50:31Z")
Okay let’s go with: Spray Paint The Walls - Black Flag Camelwalk - Southern Culture on the Skids This Is The Life - Wierd Al Yankovic Sample My Sausage - Alien Sex Fiend Ummm, do CD players like gummi worms? _munch, munch_ Never mind, I guess they do. ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2002, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832/95 "2002-09-28T13:49:22Z")
**anya marie** , I dubble-dare you to spin out an extended remix of _Cuban Pete_. [sub]Mostly because I think **Horseflesh** deserves to have to “chic-chikky-boom” the entire penalty. 'Specially for making me jitterbug in these pumps…[/sub] > [@](#): > > Sprinkles floor **liberally** with pink perforated pinstriped ping pong balls Oh, isn’t THAT just typical of you liberal types. Everythings always gotta be pink & pinstriped… Awright, I gots my Whammo© brand Scarab-Swatter™ and 99 peanut-butter-and-jelly-sammich-baited D-Con© Scarab Traps ("Scarabs will do ANYTHING for a peanut-butter-and-jelly-sammich!"™) Now, which of you ping-pong balls has a hoof…? Oh, you won’t talk? _SWAT!!_ The rest of you ping-ball-'corns take note - the end came quickly for him. I can’t promise the same for the rest of you… [sub]I simply MUST find that magic lodetone - it’ll complete my collection, which I’ll finally be able to trade in for that lifetime supply of cabbage-flavored licorice whips…![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![anya\_marie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@anya\_marie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anya_marie)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2002, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832/96 "2002-09-29T01:23:12Z")
These next four song have been requseted bu Horseflesh, and i really would appreciate some more requests, people. Spray Paint The Walls - Black Flag Camelwalk - Southern Culture on the Skids This Is The Life - Weird Al Yankovic Sample My Sausage - Alien Sex Fiend After all that we will now hear --Cuban Pete! Thanks TYGR! ---
**Author:** ![Marine\_One](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/marine_one/32/3461_2.png) [@Marine\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marine_One)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2002, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832/97 "2002-09-29T01:44:33Z")
"You, missy, cover that belly button right now! "And you, fella, pull those pants up and get a haircut! “Turn that radio down, that’s not music, it’s just noise!” “And get the hell off my front yard!” “Kids!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2002, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832/98 "2002-09-29T04:30:09Z")
::Pouts furiously in the penalty box. Carves voodoo dolls of **Skeezix** , **Tygr** , and **UncleBeer** from blocks of cheese and dangles them maniacally over a ravenous horde of Nigerian racing mice:: Show _you_ guys… _mumble, grumble_… Hey, I just remembered I came here in a time machine from the future! I already served my 83 second penalty next week! Woo-hoo! ::Slaps the rhino on the ass and dives back into the foray. Sprinkles magic octopus dust on **Marine\_One** and turns him into [this](http://www.dragg.net/users/pennywitt/daffy/daffy30.gif):: Bagpipe in the side pocket. Twelve lords a-leaping! I’m on a winning streak! Looks like you lose another article of clothing, **Tygr**. Hrrmm, yer already nekkid. Well, a pound of flesh will do. Rack 'em up. ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2002, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832/99 "2002-09-29T04:47:06Z")
:: climbs out of alicorn pit, the remains of the rubber Godzilla suit in shreds :: Erm, 'scuse me, does anyone have a smoke? I think I may have just had a religious experience. That and I appear to have a magic lodestone lodged in my right ear. Seems I can only face west at the moment. Won’t someone play ‘The Liberty Bell March’ please? :: falls over :: ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2002, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832/100 "2002-09-30T20:35:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Horseflesh \* > \*\*Looks like you lose another article of clothing, **Tygr**. Hrrmm, yer already nekkid. Well, a pound of flesh will do. Rack 'em up. \*\* Hey, now, you may have guessed the correct weight (actually you were a little under, but considering I just got out of the pool…), but if you take that _particular_ pound of flesh, I’ll not be able to create anymore kids. And since it should be gloriously clear how desperately the world needs replicas of me, we’ve got to keep the equipment intact. So, if **Skeezix** can wake up enough to give us his best Richard Simmons impression, I’ll sweat a pound out for yer. **anya** darlin’, howza bouta little “Is you is, or is you ain’t, my baby?” I appear to be in a swinging mood tonight. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-hell/128832.md?page=4)