# What in the world makes you think you have the right to contact my husband? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 29, 2004, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689 "2004-04-29T16:09:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689/41 "2004-04-29T21:19:04Z")
I’m going to have to side with MsRobyn here. If you simply must post personal details about yourself, then it seems far less risky to make it gated so only people you approve can access it. Yes, the person who e-mailed your husband was wrong. However, I think your response that it’s none of the person’s business what you do flies in the face of your decision to post a LiveJournal. By making it public, you’ve kind of invited him/her into your life. ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689/42 "2004-04-29T21:26:16Z")
> [@Dung Beetle](#): > > I don’t know why so many people have trouble with this concept. I hate meddlers. I agree. Whoever did this was an ass of the highest magnitude. Interestingly, there’s a similar thread in MPSIMS right now about some guy who apparently posted on [somethingawful.com](http://somethingawful.com) about a fantasty about “doing” his girlfriend’s twin sister; [“Be carefull what you say an the “Something Awful” boards.”](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=240534) Someone figured out who his girlfriend was IRL and told her. Hilarity ensued. Granted, he supposedly took it one step further and asked people to recommend ways he might go about making this happen (I don’t know, the link doesn’t work for me and I’m not paying to register there to read one thread). However, he _hadn’t_ done it and may not have been serious about actually doing it even if people gave him good ideas (some may recall a recent Pit thread where Mama Tiger [asked for suggestions on how to get revenge on an evil co-worker](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=250596&highlight=revenge), yet really had no intention of ever following through on any of them, nor did she. It was merely an exercise in venting.) Yet, quite a few people not only think what happened to this guy was A-OK, but that it was _deserved_ and that it was _funny_! Examples: > [@](#): > > Dude, that may be the funniest thing I have ever read. It is magnificent in its cruelty. I mean, I give out personal information because I’m not concerned about anyone messing with me, but this guy basically set himself up to be nailed. Too funny. > > * * * > > That is funny. > > * * * > > Oh, lord that was a thing of cruel, cruel beauty. Around about page 7 he threatened to ‘pistol wipe’ the guy who figured out his girlfriend’s email address. I love the Internet. Makes me cry for humanity sometimes. ☹ Sorry this happened to you, **Aries**. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689/43 "2004-04-29T21:35:00Z")
I think some people are missing the point here. What **Aries28** posted wasn’t a secret. **Sauron** knew about Firefighter Tim. He probably knew about the dream. **Aries28** isn’t upset about **Sauron** finding out about the dream or about Firefighter Tim. Therefore what she wrote in her LJ isn’t relevant to the situation. She could have written “I had roast beef last night” and if LoonyE-mailer had written **Sauron** to tell him about it the outrage would be the same. The problem is not **Aries28** ’s actions on LJ. The problem is LoonyE-mailer’s actions outside of LJ. There’s an apparently forgotten behavior pattern called “Mindjerownbizness”. The LooneyE-mailer violated that behavior pattern for no other reason than to attempt to get **Aries28** “in trouble” with **Sauron**. In other words, LoonyE-mailer, whoever s/he is, is a bitch of the first water. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689/44 "2004-04-29T21:41:35Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > I mean, really - if Aries was cheating on her husband, she’d have to either be monumentally stupid or **think her husband was monumentally stupid** … Well he did let those danged Hobbits sneak right under his nose and dispose of his source of power because it _never occured to him_ that they might try to destroy it rather than use it. ---
**Author:** ![FaerieBeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@FaerieBeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FaerieBeth)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689/45 "2004-04-29T21:58:48Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > Well he did let those danged Hobbits sneak right under his nose and dispose of his source of power because it _never occured to him_ that they might try to destroy it rather than use it. Well, hindsight is 20/20, and I am comforted to know that tired old sayings even apply to the phenomenally powerful and evil. It levels the playing field. 😉 FB ---
**Author:** ![Aries28](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Aries28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aries28)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689/46 "2004-04-29T22:00:54Z")
To be fair, **jayjay** he did not know about the dream. He did know about the guy and the entire situation of meeting him. I had not told him about the dream. Not because I wanted to hide it…hell, if I did then like others have pointed out I wouldn’t post it on the internet. I would like to think our relationship is a touch stronger than him getting pissed over my having a dream about some guy. Anyway, you are correct in your assessment that it is the fact somebody took it upon themselves to send him the link to my entry and imply it was something he needed to know about. I am not concerned at all he read about the dream…like you said, he already knew about the dude. Knowing about the dream is no big deal to me. I am willing to forgive and forget if this person would just send me Pierce Brosnon as an apology. Now THERE is somebody I could dream about. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689/47 "2004-04-29T23:29:02Z")
Oh no you don’t, lady. I checked Mr. Brosnan’s schedule, and he’s booked to appear in _my_ dreams tonight!😃 You can have him tomorrow night. You know, I used to be amazed at the depths people will sink to just to cause trouble, and I rather wish I could be again. All the wonders and curiousities of the world and this poor pathetic wretch has to resort to sending an anonymous e-mail? 😕 Sheesh! And I thought my life was boring! CJ ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689/48 "2004-04-29T23:49:46Z")
> [@WinstonSmith](#): > > Immaterial. _ **The Dude** _ is not the issue here. That’s right! The issue is unchecked aggression! ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689/49 "2004-04-29T23:52:53Z")
An aside: a couple of people have expressed the opinion that this thread should be closed. Why? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Zanshin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e274bd/32.png) [@Zanshin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zanshin)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689/50 "2004-04-30T00:02:54Z")
I think **jayjay** hit it on the head. LJ is a public journal, yes. So anything put up on LJ is actionable – if I post something **Aries28** didn’t like, she’d be well within her rights to tell me so IRL. The info’s online and it’s public. But what kind of fucked-up sense of entitlement do you have to have to go meddling in the lives of two people you don’t know from Adam? Read the thread, understand that it’s a **dream** for Chrissake and that dreams don’t necessarily mean anything (otherwise I may indeed be pantsless at work tomorrow), and move on with your life. Yeesh. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689/51 "2004-04-30T00:07:39Z")
> [@Aries28](#): > > If not then let’s keep bitching about people minding their own business. 😉 Oh, honey, you did NOT just go there… [url=“[http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=187980&highlight=leave](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=187980&highlight=leave)”]link. She’s since apologized in email and we’ve talked a few times about other things. I’m still baffled by the whole experience. (Note please the day of posting; no need to resurrect my old thread.) ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689/52 "2004-04-30T00:17:36Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > However, I think your response that it’s none of the person’s business what you do flies in the face of your decision to post a LiveJournal. By making it public, you’ve kind of invited him/her into your life. Let’s suppose \*\* aries 28 \*\* has invited someone at her place. Then, a neighbor, noticing this, calls anonymously \*\* Sauron \*\* and tells him : you know, I saw a man with you wife, he could be her lover, blah blah… What would you think? Would you say that’s it’s in part \*\* aries 28 \*\*'s fault, and that she should receive visitors secretly and only after midnight when everybody is asleep? I doubt it. You’d rather think the neighbor is a jerk who should mind his own business, most probably. There’s no difference in this situation. She shared an information, the reader is a moron at the first place for assuming that it meant she was cheating on her huband on such a basis, and a jerk for e-mailing her husband about it. Exactly like the neighbor in my example. The fact that there are plenty of morons and jerks on the internet doesn’t make them any less moronic and jerkish. Had she wrote that she dreamed she was murdering viciously \*\* sauron \*\* and that she had delightful memories of every instant of her dream, then, may be the e-mailer would have had a point. Otherwise, (s)he should have miinded his/her own business. Period. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689/53 "2004-04-30T00:20:03Z")
For those of you lazy bastards who want WORKING links, here you are: [link](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=187980&highlight=leave). ::mumble mumble mumble:: ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689/54 "2004-04-30T00:32:45Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > An aside: a couple of people have expressed the opinion that this thread should be closed. Why? 😕 Biggest reason that I can think of is that the type of person who would delibertly try to stir up trouble between two strangers is probobly sitting at their computer reading this thread and masturbating furiously to all of the furor they’ve caused. DNFTT, in other words. ---
**Author:** ![Juniper200](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@Juniper200](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juniper200)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689/55 "2004-04-30T00:33:24Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > An aside: a couple of people have expressed the opinion that this thread should be closed. Why? 😕 It’s longstanding board polict that issues that begin off-board should stay off-board. If Poster A got hacked off at Poster B in the unofficial IRC room, a thread titled “Poster B, you’d better never show up in #straightdope again!” would be deleted. The rule generally holds for problems between two Dopers that began at Dopefests and Livejournal as well. If **Aries 28** knew the identity of Anonymous Emailer and AE turned out to be a Doper, the rule would almost certainly hold true here. However, since we don’t know who it was, it’s more like all the other rants in the “To the Anonymous Fuck who cut me off in traffic.” vein. That’s just the way I interpret the policy. Of course, I don’t wear a Mod Hat, so here’s your shaker of salt. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689/56 "2004-04-30T00:46:49Z")
> [@](#): > > Let’s suppose aries 28 has invited someone at her place. Then, a neighbor, noticing this, calls anonymously Sauron and tells him : you know, I saw a man with you wife, he could be her lover, blah blah… What would you think? There’s no question that the busybody neighbor is a jerk. Here’s a scenario that I think is more equivalent: Let’s suppose aries28 had an open party. I’m having a party on such and such date. Come, on and all. The next day she writes a pit article stewing that some asshole came into her home and stole her jewelry. Now, no matter what, the person who stole the jewelry is still an ass. However, I don’t think it’s out of line for people to remind her that she shouldn’t have an open party if she doesn’t want strangers milling about her house. With a LJ, you just never know who is milling about your house. ---
**Author:** ![Mercury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e95f7d/32.png) [@Mercury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mercury)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689/57 "2004-04-30T04:27:06Z")
I second **Leaper** , why should this thread be closed? Yes, **Aries28** did post information about herself on the internet. We’re all doing it right now. Some _total freaking loon_ took it upon themselves to stir up shit. It’s a risk of having an online journal, but as another person with a webjournal, it’s certainly not a risk I ever would have anticipated. I would just as angry as surprised as **Aries28** is. I will definitely think twice before I post certain things from now on, as I’m sure many other people who read this thread will. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689/58 "2004-04-30T04:44:10Z")
> [@Aries28](#): > > To be fair, **jayjay** he did not know about the dream. He did know about the guy and the entire situation of meeting him. I had not told him about the dream. Not because I wanted to hide it…hell, if I did then like others have pointed out I wouldn’t post it on the internet. I would like to think our relationship is a touch stronger than him getting pissed over my having a dream about some guy. Does he regulary read your LJ? I have to ask, although I know it will only lead to trouble for me. How would you feel if the situation we reversed? He met some woman. Said woman got too touchy feely and he sent her away. He tells you this. But he has what I can only asume is a sexual dream (I haven’t read your LJ) and then posts it on the internet, somewhere you don’t go to read. \* How would you feel? Anger, jealousy? Or would you pay no mind to it? Bear in mind, this comes from a man who has been punished for what I did in _GF_’s dream. - Again, I am making an assumption here. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689/59 "2004-04-30T05:46:06Z")
I’m kinda wondering why people are suggesting this thread be closed as well. It’s not like **Aries** is posting links or anything. At first I was with the “well, if you don’t want it public, don’t post it on the internet” crowd, then realized since **Aries** had already told **Sauron** about Mr. Firefighter, that wasn’t really the issue. The issue is someone going out of their way to “bust” **Aries**. The fact that this coward (not even giving their name?) knew they’re married and easily found **Sauron** ’s email addy leads me to believe it’s a Doper. Most likely someone who either dislikes **Aries** or has a thing for **Sauron**. Freaking _lame_. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689/60 "2004-04-30T06:14:33Z")
My guess, as a non-mod with every bit the qualifications of **Juniper200** (years posting and none of it as a mod here), is that LJ issues are, along with other-boardly matters, not the sort of thing one is supposed to bring up here. Just as the PTB frown upon (diplomatically speaking) board wars, they don’t encourage people to bring their private tiffs here. That would, again, be my guess. IANAM, FWIW, eat your vegetables, don’t take any wooden nutmegs. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-in-the-world-makes-you-think-you-have-the-right-to-contact-my-husband/242689.md?page=4)