# What involuntary bodily functions are you really, really great at? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 29, 2010, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446 "2010-07-29T13:35:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446/1 "2010-07-29T13:35:08Z")
I hiccup so well that it astounds people. I once stopped a country and western band with the volume of my hiccups. People stare at me and then have giggling fits when I hiccup. They re very loud and my whole torso just jerks with the force of them. What involuntary bodily fuction could you win an Olympic gold medal for? ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446/2 "2010-07-29T13:37:17Z")
I seem to be doing OK at breathing. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446/3 "2010-07-29T13:39:09Z")
I developed the ability to burp at will, following an extremely painful stomach condition that was ruled out as being gallstones. So it’s involuntary for most people, but voluntary for me. I guess I’ve worked out how to control that upper sphincter, whatever it’s called! ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446/4 "2010-07-29T13:39:39Z")
My sneezes can stun a cat at twenty paces. ---
**Author:** ![Alka\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Alka\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alka_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446/5 "2010-07-29T15:07:07Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > I once stopped a country and western band with the volume of my hiccups. That’s heroic. Please can you stalk Jedward. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446/6 "2010-07-29T15:09:21Z")
My blood clots ridiculously well. ---
**Author:** ![Staggering\_Genius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/46a35a/32.png) [@Staggering\_Genius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Staggering_Genius)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446/7 "2010-07-29T17:11:48Z")
I can make my stomach rumble at will. I used to think, as superpowers go, that’s about as lame as they get. But I’ve recently realized its true potential: “Oh honey, that was fantastic. Now I just want to lie here and cuddle forever!” _rumble rumble_ “Oh no, you’re starving! Let’s go find you something to eat.” ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446/8 "2010-07-29T18:19:40Z")
I also have shockingly loud (and amazingly painful) hiccups. I rarely get them, though. ---
**Author:** ![Rafe\_Hollister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/fbc32d/32.png) [@Rafe\_Hollister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rafe_Hollister)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446/9 "2010-07-29T18:39:46Z")
If I really want to offend, I can eat quite a few bananas and have exceedingly noxious gas for a couple days. I discovered that one by accident while in college and avoid bananas these days. But if for some reason I needed to have choking/gagging/peeling-paint-off-the-walls gas, I know how to do it. And am I alone in the ability to consciously raise/lower my pulse? I had an inguinal hernia surgery in 2003. To this day, I can feel an orgasm building because I get a strange spasm at the incision site. I am able to use that to ward off any surprise orgasms and last as long as I want. It comes in quite handy. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446/10 "2010-07-29T18:47:47Z")
I can voluntarily send chills down my spine. ---
**Author:** ![Shark\_Sandwich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Shark\_Sandwich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shark_Sandwich)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446/11 "2010-07-29T18:51:08Z")
Bolding mine. > [@Rafe\_Hollister](#): > > I am able to use that to ward off any \*\*surprise orgasms \*\*and last as long as I want. Errr…wha? You know what causes those, right? ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446/12 "2010-07-29T20:29:55Z")
Lately, I’ve been setting some sort of world records in the flatus department. People don’t seem to appreciate it, though. ---
**Author:** ![Rafe\_Hollister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/fbc32d/32.png) [@Rafe\_Hollister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rafe_Hollister)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446/13 "2010-07-29T22:09:12Z")
> [@Shark\_Sandwich](#): > > Bolding mine. > > > [@Rafe\_Hollister](#): > > > > I am able to use that to ward off any \*\*surprise orgasms \*\*and last as long as I want. > > Errr…wha? You know what causes those, right? 😛 I meant the ones that are a little premature. I can feel them in my incision about 30 seconds before they happen. So when I start to feel it, I can change what I’m doing to postpone it. ---
**Author:** ![Proudest\_Monkey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/proudest_monkey/32/13257_2.png) [@Proudest\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Proudest_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446/14 "2010-07-29T22:29:45Z")
I’m with the OP and **Zsofia** on the hiccup thing. Mine aren’t painful though; in fact, they are rather satisfying unless they go on too long. They are so strong and loud and filled with gusto that I’ve been accused of faking them. When I’m home, I just let them rip, but in public (esp. at work) I use every hiccup cure I’ve heard of to make them go away. ---
**Author:** ![rocking\_chair](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocking_chair/32/2918_2.png) [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446/15 "2010-07-29T22:38:25Z")
sneezing. i live in a row home, someone 3 doors away in their back yard yelled “bless you” once. cats fear my sneezing. sometimes in an office chair i roll back a little. panda sneezing is a small mouse of a sneeze compared to mine. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446/16 "2010-07-30T01:17:05Z")
I have accelerated healing power, especially for cuts. If I hold the edges of a cut or needle jab together, it stays together after about 5 minutes, and the bleeding stops. For other lacerations, they usually dry out and scab within 24 hours (usually without washing,) and are completely healed within a week. I don’t scar from cuts or pimples, the only scars I have are from massive scrapes from sliding into bases during baseball (before I started wearing a kneepad) and the time I slid down a hill after falling off a skateboard (a scar about the size of a 50 cent piece.) These injuries also expel any foreign matter inside of them. In the handful of times where my cuts have gotten infected, in nearly every case it was because I tried to clean them. One of the most severe cuts I ever had (on my hand,) I left it uncovered on the edge of the bed overnight and by the next morning it was healing nicely with a pool of blood on the floor. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446/17 "2010-07-30T01:26:05Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > I once stopped a country and western band with the volume of my hiccups. I have the loudest cough you have ever heard. I once disrupted final exams for an entire three story building my senior year of college because I had bronchitis. The professors didn’t know what to do because I had to finish the test to graduate but nobody in the building could take theirs while I was coughing every few seconds. They put me in a closet on the third floor and bought me cough drops so that I could finish and just leave everyone alone. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446/18 "2010-07-30T01:26:27Z")
I, for one, have never had a surprise orgasm, which I think makes me some sort of superman, judging from **Rafe** ’s post. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446/19 "2010-07-30T02:32:58Z")
I can burp and fart any time I please. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446/20 "2010-07-30T05:06:16Z")
I also have weirdly loud and painful hiccups. They hurt quite a lot. When I was dating my husband, I got them and he thought I was faking (though why, and how, I would fake such a bizarre sound I do not know). The only remedy I have ever found is to drink a glass of water with my ears and nose plugged–nothing else works. I also have weirdly loud sneezes if I don’t work hard to smother them. That’s my dad’s fault. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-involuntary-bodily-functions-are-you-really-really-great-at/548446.md?page=2)