But there are kosher-keeping Jews who will eat kosher food that was cooked in a non-kosher kitchen- I’m one of them. I will eat at non-kosher restaurants, but I won’t order any meat or poultry (because it isn’t kosher). In a situation like the OP describes, I would worry about things like lard in the pie crust, but not about it being cooked in a non-kosher kitchen. I will eat at my (non-Jewish) parents’ house, and won’t eat anything there containing non-kosher meat, but I don’t worry about the fact that all of their pans, dishes, etc., have been used for non-kosher food.
It’s very common for non-Orthodox Jews who keep kosher to keep it more strictly at home than when eating elsewhere (keeping kosher more strictly during Passover than during the rest of the year is also common). There are even people who keep kosher to some degree at home, but don’t when eating out- they’ll eat a cheeseburger in a restaurant, but not at home.
There really is so much variability in standards of keeping kosher among non-Orthodox Jews, the OP’s best bet is to ask the rabbi of the local temple what the standards are. The temple’s standards are likely to be at least as strict as most of its members’ standards, so there shouldn’t be problems if the food is kosher according to the temple’s standards. If a number of temple regulars do have stricter standards than the temple’s, the rabbi will probably know this (it will have come up at temple events- lots of events at Jewish temples involve food), and would tell the OP what standards they keep.
I realise that nothing I cook in my kitchen will technically be kosher, but I would like to do my best. This is not being held at a temple, but at the local Unitarian Church. I don’t think that there will be anything except deserts, but I’m guessing people will eat at their own homes before going.
In that case, dairy desserts will probably be fine. The people who wait to eat dairy after eating meat will probably assume there will be dairy desserts (at least that’s what I’d assume if I were going to a dessert potluck) and have a non-meat dinner or will eat early enough that it won’t be an issue.
Anne, I agree with that. My only point was that if the people who invited him were the sort that wouldn’t eat his dessert because it wasn’t cooked in a kosher kitchen, they would also be the sort that wouldn’t have invited him to bring any sort of food in the first place. They know he doesn’t have a kosher kitchen, if that was going to be a problem they would have done something different. There are plenty of jews who really wouldn’t eat anything prepared in a non-kosher kitchen, but those people would be polite enough not to invite a gentile to bring them food from a non-kosher kitchen.
Even so, he probably doesn’t want to bring a bacon cheesecake with lobster sauce, even if plenty of people at the dinner would be fine eating it. Even at the liberal hippy-dippy jewish dinners I go to here, people label dishes “dairy” or “meat” just in case someone wants to avoid one or the other, and I can’t remember ever seeing pork or shellfish, even if I’ve seen the same people happily munching everything in sight at the Chinese restaurant down the street.
In that case, you are really, really, really overthinking this. Bring anything you want. Just be aware if it has something truly non-kosher like lard in it - many pie crusts do - and be able to say if it’s dairy or not. But stop worrying. Anything you bring is likely to be be fine.
Strangely enough, honey is kosher. I still do not understand how it can be. But it is. Remember that the Promised Land is repeatedly described as a place of “milk and honey.”