# What is a reasonable number (of sexual partners)? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 4, 2022, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083 "2022-08-04T12:06:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2022, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/21 "2022-08-04T14:45:46Z")
> [@What\_Exit](#): > > _ **Note** _: The use of the word Midget is often offensive in the current times. We encourage you to choose a less offensive term for people of small stature. Sorry, yeah part of me wasn’t sure about that word. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2022, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/22 "2022-08-04T14:46:59Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > And what exactly is a “sexual partner”? > > Had girlfriends in High school that happily gave me hummers and handjobs but never let me into the promised land. If they are added to those that did my HS average was well above 3. I don’t see any reason not to count that as a sexual partner, unless you’re trying to weasel the number down for some reason. The way “virginity” is defined can be a bit more of a grey area, but “sexual partner,” at least how I’ve always read it, refers to a partner you do anything sexual with. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2022, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/23 "2022-08-04T14:52:59Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > The George Carlin Equation! I knew I was paraphrasing a famous comedian, but couldn’t remember which one off the top of my head. Thank you! ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2022, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/24 "2022-08-04T15:02:18Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > “sexual partner,” at least how I’ve always read it, refers to a partner you do anything sexual with. Are a couple who’ve never met in person, but exchanged messages with sexual content, sexual partners? ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2022, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/25 "2022-08-04T15:09:20Z")
Physically sexual. (I suppose the line doesn’t need to be drawn there, but that’s how I interpret it.) ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2022, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/26 "2022-08-04T15:11:59Z")
Yeah, my take is that if you could plausibly have caught a sexually transmitted infection from that person, they count as a sexual partner. (Maybe make an exception for forms of herpes that are transmissible through kissing without other forms of contact, since I’m not sure merely smooching somebody fully clothed would count.) ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2022, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/27 "2022-08-04T15:22:33Z")
I’ve pretty much always held that a reasonable number of sexual partners to have had is always one more than whatever I’m currently at. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2022, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/28 "2022-08-04T16:04:16Z")
It depends on what sex means to you. To a person for whom sex means profound intimacy or lifelong commitment, the answer is going to be very different than someone for whom sex is casual recreation. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2022, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/29 "2022-08-04T17:18:55Z")
1. It’s the answer to everything. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2022, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/30 "2022-08-04T18:38:34Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > > [@pkbites](#): > > > > And what exactly is a “sexual partner”? > > > > Had girlfriends in High school that happily gave me hummers and handjobs but never let me into the promised land. If they are added to those that did my HS average was well above 3. > > I don’t see any reason not to count that as a sexual partner, unless you’re trying to weasel the number down for some reason. The way “virginity” is defined can be a bit more of a grey area, but “sexual partner,” at least how I’ve always read it, refers to a partner you do anything sexual with. I’m counting it. 👍 ---
**Author:** ![Moonrise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonrise/32/14764_2.png) [@Moonrise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonrise)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2022, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/31 "2022-08-04T19:13:13Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > > [@pkbites](#): > > > > And what exactly is a “sexual partner”? > > > > Had girlfriends in High school that happily gave me hummers and handjobs but never let me into the promised land. If they are added to those that did my HS average was well above 3. > > I don’t see any reason not to count that as a sexual partner, unless you’re trying to weasel the number down for some reason. The way “virginity” is defined can be a bit more of a grey area, but “sexual partner,” at least how I’ve always read it, refers to a partner you do anything sexual with. In a way, I completely agree with you. Yet, making love to someone is a _very_ different experience from getting a handjob (taught you something, right ?). My point being, while I’d agree to consider all the women who skillfully used a part of their body to make me come as “sexual partners”, the ones I actually made love to have a special place in my… memories shall we say. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2022, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/32 "2022-08-04T19:42:09Z")
> [@Pleonast](#): > > I guess some are more flexible than others… I’m only available between 2:00 and 2:15. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2022, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/33 "2022-08-04T21:05:26Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Average lifetime number for men: 7 (often said in a derisive context) If we’re talking about heterosexual partners, the number would have to be pretty close to the same for men and women. Every time a man has sex with a different woman, that’s also a woman having sex with a different man. Divide the number of couplings by the number of men, and you get the average. If you have the same number of men and women (and it should be pretty close), they’d have the same number of average partners. Same-sex pairings change the numbers. If gay men have more partners than lesbians, then men would average more partners than women. ---
**Author:** ![Akaj](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/akaj/32/145_2.png) [@Akaj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Akaj)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2022, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/34 "2022-08-04T21:16:15Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Every time a man has sex with a different woman, that’s also a woman having sex with a different man. How do we know it’s not the same woman having sex with all the different men? Couldn’t you theoretically have 100 men with one partner each and one woman with 100 partners? ---
**Author:** ![SCAdian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scadian/32/3292_2.png) [@SCAdian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCAdian)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2022, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/35 "2022-08-04T21:25:47Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > I’m only available between 2:00 and 2:15. AM, PM, or both? ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2022, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/36 "2022-08-04T21:32:52Z")
Sure, but if there are 100 women and 100 men in the group and all hundred men have sex with one woman and the other 99 women don’t have sex at all, the “average”\* number of partners for both men and women will be one- which shows that the average is kind of meaningless. \* “average” usually refers to “mean” unless otherwise specified ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2022, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/37 "2022-08-04T21:35:29Z")
> [@Akaj](#): > > How do we know it’s not the same woman having sex with all the different men? Couldn’t you theoretically have 100 men with one partner each and one woman with 100 partners? In fact, the actual numbers support the idea that men, overall, report having had more sexual partners than women do. The link below cites a CDC study, which reported that men ages 25-44 report having had a median number of 6.1 partners, while women report having had a median of 4.2 partners. The “median” is the number at which half of the population is reporting a number above that, and half is reporting a number below that. It’s a more meaningful measure than mean/average in this sort of case, because no one’s score can be below zero, but a minority of respondents with very high numbers pull the average score up disproportionately. (Also, those medians don’t include people who have had zero sexual partners.) In the study details, which are broken down by age group, by the time we get to the oldest group in the study (40-44 year olds), 39% of the men report having had 10 or more sexual partners over their lifetimes, while only half as many women (19%) report having had 10+ partners. I would suspect that that study was blind/anonymous, but it may also be that some men are over-reporting their number of partners, while some women are under-reporting. It may also be that there is not a universal agreement on what does, or does not, qualify as a “sexual partner” (see discussion earlier in this thread). > **[How Many Sexual Partners Is "Normal" For The Average Person?](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-ideal-number-of-sexual-partners-for-men-women)** > > Do we know anything about a person just based on their number? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2022, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/38 "2022-08-04T21:42:47Z")
> [@Akaj](#): > > How do we know it’s not the same woman having sex with all the different men? Couldn’t you theoretically have 100 men with one partner each and one woman with 100 partners? 1 woman having sex with 100 different men makes for 100 distinct couplings. Divide the number of couplings by the number of women (or men) and you get the average number of partners. In doreen’s example, the average (or mean, if you prefer) is 1 for both the men and the women. > [@kenobi\_65](#): > > The link below cites a CDC study, which reported that men ages 25-44 report having had a median number of 6.1 partners, while women report having had a median of 4.2 partners. (Also, those medians don’t include people who have had zero sexual partners.) To me, that’s where this question starts getting interesting. If you limit the question to heterosexual pairings, the math dictates that the average has to be about the same for men as it is for women. So why does a survey show higher numbers for men, and why do people seem to expect that the number will be higher for men. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2022, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/39 "2022-08-04T21:44:13Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > the actual numbers support the idea that men, overall, report having had more sexual partners than women do. > [@thorny\_locust](#): > > What people report and what they actually did are often two drastically different things. People who think the number matters, in either direction, are very likely to lie about it. Men in this society are often expected to be proud of having had sex with a lot of different partners, and women are often expected to be ashamed of it. Or, as I see that you noted: > [@kenobi\_65](#): > > it may also be that some men are over-reporting their number of partners, while some women are under-reporting. ---
**Author:** ![Akaj](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/akaj/32/145_2.png) [@Akaj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Akaj)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2022, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/40 "2022-08-04T21:44:21Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > The link below cites a CDC study, which reported that men ages 25-44 report having had a median number of 6.1 partners, while women report having had a median of 4.2 partners. The CDC data doesn’t appear to make any distinction between hetero and gay respondents, while other data reported in the article found gay men to have 2.5X the number of partners as lesbians. That could account for the difference in the CDC report. > [@doreen](#): > > Sure, but if there are 100 women and 100 men in the group and all hundred men have sex with one woman and the other 99 women don’t have sex at all, the “average”\* number of partners for both men and women will be one > [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > 1 woman having sex with 100 different men makes for 100 distinct couplings. Divide the number of couplings by the number of women (or men) and you get the average number of partners. Math takes all the fun out of sex. 😐 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083.md?page=3)