# What is a reasonable number (of sexual partners)?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [August 4, 2022, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083 "2022-08-04T12:06:23Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 4

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**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\
**Post date:** [August 5, 2022, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/61 "2022-08-05T14:07:18Z")

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Paraphrasing **Frasier** :

_Niles: “There’s a man in my therapy group who claims to have slept with over 1000 women! Like 7 isn’t enough?”_  
_Frasier: “I would have said 9, but I take your point.”_

Frasier slept with 57 different women during the show’s run.

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**Author:** ![2\_More\_Bits](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2_more_bits/32/4148_2.png) [@2\_More\_Bits](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2_More_Bits)\
**Post date:** [August 5, 2022, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/62 "2022-08-05T14:14:26Z")

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Plenty of wonderful friction can take place fully clothed.

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**Author:** ![Akaj](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/akaj/32/145_2.png) [@Akaj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Akaj)\
**Post date:** [August 5, 2022, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/63 "2022-08-05T19:43:10Z")

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> [@msmith537](#):
>
> I think as you get to numbers like 30, 50, 100 or more you start getting into different, somewhat atypical lifestyles:
> 
> - People who don’t want to settle down and would prefer to just have as much sex as possible
> - Or who do want to settle down but can’t or won’t maintain a relationship for more than a few weeks

Or swingers – happily committed couples who enjoy hooking up with other like-minded couples and/or group scenes. Definitely qualifies as “atypical” but doesn’t fit either of your scenarios above.

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**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\
**Post date:** [August 6, 2022, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/64 "2022-08-06T11:35:58Z")

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Or people in “open marriages”. The list isn’t meant to be exhaustive.

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**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\
**Post date:** [August 6, 2022, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/65 "2022-08-06T11:44:32Z")

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> [@silenus](#):
>
> Paraphrasing **Frasier** :
> 
> _Niles: “There’s a man in my therapy group who claims to have slept with over 1000 women! Like 7 isn’t enough?”_  
> _Frasier: “I would have said 9, but I take your point.”_
> 
> Frasier slept with 57 different women during the show’s run.

I think “Sitcom single” is different from IRL single. On TV and in movies, single characters always sort of presented as constantly meeting random attractive (if often annoying or otherwise unsuitable) age-appropriate dating partners. As the partners tend to only last a few episodes, a single character can rack up some series numbers over time. Even George Costanza has been with 47 women over Seinfeld’s run.

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**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\
**Post date:** [August 6, 2022, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/66 "2022-08-06T21:33:41Z")

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Mathematically, the answer is:

TheNumberOfPeopleYouFeelLikeYouCanMeetBeforeFeelingTooOldToStillBeSingle / _e_

> **[Secretary problem](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secretary_problem)**
>
> The secretary problem demonstrates a scenario involving optimal stopping theory that is studied extensively in the fields of applied probability, statistics, and decision theory. It is also known as the marriage problem, the sultan's dowry problem, the fussy suitor problem, the googol game, and the best choice problem.
> The basic form of the problem is the following: imagine an administrator who wants to hire the best secretary out of 
>   
>     
>       
> n
>       
>     
> {\\displaystyle n}
> ...

If you feel like you should be married before, at least, 30 and can date maybe 1-2 people per year, at maximum then - starting at 18 - you’ve got about 18 potential people to date. But, once you’ve dated about 6-7 of them, you should pick the next person that you met better than everyone you’ve already dated.

(In reality, you might still be able to go back to earlier candidates, however, so we can probably outperform the mathematical result by a little bit.)

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**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\
**Post date:** [August 7, 2022, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/67 "2022-08-07T00:24:44Z")

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> [@Akaj](#):
>
> Math takes all the fun out of sex. 😐

Just like Baseball. 😉

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**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\
**Post date:** [August 7, 2022, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/68 "2022-08-07T00:46:59Z")

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I will point out that the number of sexual partners a person has is a complex number. (It has a real part and an imaginary part.)

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**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\
**Post date:** [August 7, 2022, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/69 "2022-08-07T03:22:56Z")

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> [@Sage\_Rat](#):
>
> Mathematically, the answer is:
> 
> TheNumberOfPeopleYouFeelLikeYouCanMeetBeforeFeelingTooOldToStillBeSingle / _e_
> 
> [Secretary problem - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secretary_problem)
> 
> If you feel like you should be married before, at least, 30 and can date maybe 1-2 people per year, at maximum then - starting at 18 - you’ve got about 18 potential people to date. But, once you’ve dated about 6-7 of them, you should pick the next person that you met better than everyone you’ve already dated.
> 
> (In reality, you might still be able to go back to earlier candidates, however, so we can probably outperform the mathematical result by a little bit.)

I re-ran the numbers and found an error. It actually looks like it will take you at least 230 years before you are likely to meet someone who will have sex with you.

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**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\
**Post date:** [August 7, 2022, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/70 "2022-08-07T03:53:05Z")

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> [@msmith537](#):
>
> it will take you at least 230 years before you are likely to meet someone who will have sex with you.

[![](https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:1412/0*9BYGa20RkF4rTpJU.png) ](https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:1412/0*9BYGa20RkF4rTpJU.png)

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**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\
**Post date:** [August 7, 2022, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/71 "2022-08-07T03:59:18Z")

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> [@msmith537](#):
>
> When I was in college, there were a couple of girls I had sex with who qualified as “sluts” (aa woman who has many casual sexual partners)

And you knew that they’d had “many” partners how? They told you, or other prople spread the rumor?

> [@msmith537](#):
>
> i.e. one of them had a well-earned reputation for blowing guys a

And you know this reputation was “well-earned” how? You witnessed all these encounters?

> [@msmith537](#):
>
> and the other had sex with like five guys in my fraternity.

Or so they claimed.

It’s always frustrated me that women get categorized as “sluts” based not on how many sexual partners they’ve had, but how many men have claimed to have sex with them. In truth, neither number should matter. There’s no such thing as a “slut.” There are merely people, both men and women, who have had more sexual partners than others. Why that deserves a derogatory term is beyond me.

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**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\
**Post date:** [August 7, 2022, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/72 "2022-08-07T05:36:23Z")

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> [@nelliebly](#):
>
> It’s always frustrated me that women get categorized as “sluts” based not on how many sexual partners they’ve had, but how many men have claimed to have sex with them. In truth, neither number should matter. There’s no such thing as a “slut.” There are merely people, both men and women, who have had more sexual partners than others. Why that deserves a derogatory term is beyond me.

Bravo

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**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\
**Post date:** [August 7, 2022, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/73 "2022-08-07T22:56:32Z")

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I’m not sure if there is a right answer. If one is hygienic and safe and honest with the people in his or her life there is definitely a wide range that could be considered reasonable. Not expecting society or others to make a judgement on that behavior is unrealistic however. Especially since so-called society has no hesitation to make a judgement on activities far less consequential.

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**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\
**Post date:** [August 8, 2022, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/74 "2022-08-08T03:01:37Z")

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> [@msmith537](#):
>
> I re-ran the numbers and found an error. It actually looks like it will take you at least 230 years before you are likely to meet someone who will have sex with you.

Happily married so, in my case, that works out just fine so far as other potential candidates are concerned.

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**Author:** ![Moonrise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonrise/32/14764_2.png) [@Moonrise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonrise)\
**Post date:** [August 8, 2022, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/75 "2022-08-08T08:44:13Z")

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> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#):
>
> I will point out that the number of sexual partners a person has is a complex number. (It has a real part and an imaginary part.)

You’re my new hero !

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**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\
**Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/76 "2022-08-10T15:54:05Z")

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> [@nelliebly](#):
>
> > [@msmith537](#):
> >
> > When I was in college, there were a couple of girls I had sex with who qualified as “sluts” (aa woman who has many casual sexual partners)
> 
> And you knew that they’d had “many” partners how? They told you, or other prople spread the rumor?
> 
> > [@msmith537](#):
> >
> > i.e. one of them had a well-earned reputation for blowing guys a
> 
> And you know this reputation was “well-earned” how? You witnessed all these encounters?
> 
> > [@msmith537](#):
> >
> > and the other had sex with like five guys in my fraternity.
> 
> Or so they claimed.
> 
> It’s always frustrated me that women get categorized as “sluts” based not on how many sexual partners they’ve had, but how many men have claimed to have sex with them. In truth, neither number should matter. There’s no such thing as a “slut.” There are merely people, both men and women, who have had more sexual partners than others. Why that deserves a derogatory term is beyond me.

Isn’t that sort of the point of this thread?

I suppose in theory, the number of sex partners a person has shouldn’t matter any more than the number of people they have coffee with. Of course, we would think it was pretty weird if someone sat in Starbucks all day looking to have a cup of coffee with everyone who walked in the place.

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**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\
**Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/77 "2022-08-10T20:32:47Z")

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n+1

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**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\
**Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/78 "2022-08-10T20:40:31Z")

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Why is this even a question? Any number is reasonable, unless it is interfering with the normal functioning of your life.

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**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\
**Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/79 "2022-08-10T23:18:08Z")

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I’m confused. Is this over a lifetime or the most at a time during your lifetime?

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**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\
**Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-a-reasonable-number-of-sexual-partners/969083/80 "2022-08-10T23:49:58Z")

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Is it though? There are public health concerns with regards to sexual activity. It’s not like there are zero negative externalities with promiscuity. If people are socially distanced, masked, and otherwise being as careful as possible I’d agree. The spread of monkeypox suggests folks aren’t being responsible during a pandemic.

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