# What Is Attractive To Females **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 19, 2013, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218 "2013-09-19T07:11:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 15
**Author:** ![Gateway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/dbc845/32.png) [@Gateway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gateway)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/281 "2013-09-27T19:17:38Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > The answer given, whether requested for personal use, or just out of general interest, is the same. Any person, trying to attract a member of the opposite sex is going to fail if they don’t adhere to a basic set of guidelines. In this particular case, the example of not labeling women as “females”. So regardless of whether your question was for personal use, or asked for general thoughts, the answer still applies. You keep hanging your hat on the one thing people are telling you is wrong, rather than viewing it’s overall use in answering your basic question. You are doing the same for the other thoughts people are giving you. > > It appears as if you have a set of “what is attractive to women” rules in your head, and whenever people tell you it’s wrong (even if they ARE women) you decide that it’s wrong. Why did you ask if you didn’t want to actually know, or already have your mind all made up? > > Many of us ARE women, so we more than you, will know what we find attractive. I understand that women not liking to be made to feel dehumanized can be relevant to talking about this topic. But we have been talking about that a huge amount, oftentimes if I in particular am saying it or not, which isn’t what this thread is supposed to be about. By rules, do you mean rape jokes and saying female? ---
**Author:** ![Gateway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/dbc845/32.png) [@Gateway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gateway)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/282 "2013-09-27T19:18:38Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > That’s the problem. You don’t want to talk about attraction, you have a carved-in-stone, PBS gleaned, narrow picture of what “attraction” means, and despite the question in your OP, you refuse to open your mind to actuality. Thats very nice. 🙂 Mind making this thread 'bout attraction and not what I in particular think bout it, if your gonna keep posting here? ---
**Author:** ![Gateway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/dbc845/32.png) [@Gateway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gateway)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/283 "2013-09-27T19:23:05Z")
> [@CLee](#): > > I don’t talk to brick walls. Good luck with your fishing expedition. Thank you, bye. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/284 "2013-09-27T19:26:56Z")
> [@Gateway](#): > > I understand that women not liking to be made to feel dehumanized can be relevant to talking about this topic. But we have been talking about that a huge amount, oftentimes if I in particular am saying it or not, which isn’t what this thread is supposed to be about. > By rules, do you mean rape jokes and saying female? No sweetie, I don’t. This is not meant to be mean or snarky, but I have a hard time believing you are 24, your demeanor is much more akin to a 13 year old who “knows-it-all”. The jokes and insistence upon using the label “female” is not the point, it is a symptom of what you are doing. Which is, that you asked a question, heard answers from the VERY group you wanted to know about, and have refused to believe or listen to those answers as fact. You, a man, have decided that you know what women are attracted to rather than the many women who’ve come in here and posted. When I said in a previous post that we don’t really care whether you figure this out or not, that doesn’t mean we think you shouldn’t, but that it’s to YOUR benefit, not ours, that you do. You did the same thing in the grammar threads. Would you walk into a McDonald’s naked, because you think that societal norms regarding clothing and modesty are false? What you are doing here, is the conversational equivalent of that. You’ve decided FOR we women, what we really find attractive and the actual facts be damned. It is only detrimental to YOU that you believe that, not us. The many many posts folks have written have been, in part, to help you see this, not because they’re trying to be mean, or start arguments. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/285 "2013-09-27T19:35:22Z")
> [@Gateway](#): > > This thread was not a “can you all give ME advice on women,” it was a “what are your thoughts on female attraction.” In other words, the idea was attraction concepts not about my personal attractiveness and so it is off topic. > I recall people started arguing with _me_ when I didn’t choose to take their advice which I am not required to that I know of. I didn’t start arguing with THEM. Here’s some advice . Ignore the “I’m not done talking about you referring to women as female” crowd, this will go on for another ten pages if you let them, and for most of them it’s a form of entertainment. Don’t bite and move on. A lot of women find a good sense of humour attractive. There’s different types of humour obviously and what people find funny. But it’s no accident that most of the top comedians are men. Men have had to find other ways to attract women throughout time, making women laugh is probably is up there in the top three qualities that a lot of women look for in a man. ---
**Author:** ![Gateway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/dbc845/32.png) [@Gateway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gateway)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/286 "2013-09-27T19:55:33Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > No sweetie, I don’t. This is not meant to be mean or snarky, but I have a hard time believing you are 24, your demeanor is much more akin to a 13 year old who “knows-it-all”. > > The jokes and insistence upon using the label “female” is not the point, it is a symptom of what you are doing. Which is, that you asked a question, heard answers from the VERY group you wanted to know about, and have refused to believe or listen to those answers as fact. > > You, a man, have decided that you know what women are attracted to rather than the many women who’ve come in here and posted. When I said in a previous post that we don’t really care whether you figure this out or not, that doesn’t mean we think you shouldn’t, but that it’s to YOUR benefit, not ours, that you do. > > You did the same thing in the grammar threads. Would you walk into a McDonald’s naked, because you think that societal norms regarding clothing and modesty are false? > > What you are doing here, is the conversational equivalent of that. You’ve decided FOR we women, what we really find attractive and the actual facts be damned. It is only detrimental to YOU that you believe that, not us. The many many posts folks have written have been, in part, to help you see this, not because they’re trying to be mean, or start arguments. I don’t think I didn’t listen. I formed that list off of peoples responses. And hey, I agree, the rape jokes and saying female on this board is not going to be attractive to most women on this board or at least who have posted generally on this thread. And I’m not saying because these things are bad, but the rape joke has obvious bad taste for women generally (at least who you don’t know), and saying female is an “us humans vs them” term. I contrary to what you think DID think about it. I thought how it would sound if a woman was referring to men as she said, “hey, what is attractive to males?” or something. Thinking about this now: it makes her weird, is dehumanizing, puts her in a realm of cluelessness which is inherently unattractive. So yeah I got that. If you noticed a lot of my posts on here address women as WOMEN not females. But I still used it a bit and am not going to say I won’t as that is the natural wording which sometimes wants to come out. As far as not believing women’s answers, I listen but here’s the thing. I don’t technically know the ultimate reasons of my attraction necessarily: why should I be drawn to two sacks of fat with nozzles that produce milk? What I am saying is that while I can comment on what I observe, it doesnt mean Im in touch with the real reasons why. So if I bring up ideas or question something a women says, it doesnt inherently mean my mind is closed off and I only want my thoughts echoed. ---
**Author:** ![Gateway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/dbc845/32.png) [@Gateway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gateway)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/287 "2013-09-27T20:06:17Z")
> [@Ibanez](#): > > Here’s some advice . Ignore the “I’m not done talking about you referring to women as female” crowd, this will go on for another ten pages if you let them, and for most of them it’s a form of entertainment. Don’t bite and move on. > > A lot of women find a good sense of humour attractive. There’s different types of humour obviously and what people find funny. But it’s no accident that most of the top comedians are men. Men have had to find other ways to attract women throughout time, making women laugh is probably is up there in the top three qualities that a lot of women look for in a man. Thanks 4 the advice and attraction idea. Yeah, I guess its true that if you don’t want focus on a particular topic, don’t bring more focus into it. I never considered looking at the “women attracted to funny” idea from that angle before and it fits. Thanks again for sharing. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/288 "2013-09-27T20:28:58Z")
> [@Gateway](#): > > I don’t think I didn’t listen. I formed that list off of peoples responses. And hey, I agree, the rape jokes and saying female on this board is not going to be attractive to most women on this board or at least who have posted generally on this thread. And I’m not saying because these things are bad, but the rape joke has obvious bad taste for women generally (at least who you don’t know), and saying female is an “us humans vs them” term. I contrary to what you think DID think about it. I thought how it would sound if a woman was referring to men as she said, “hey, what is attractive to males?” or something. Thinking about this now: it makes her weird, is dehumanizing, puts her in a realm of cluelessness which is inherently unattractive. So yeah I got that. If you noticed a lot of my posts on here address women as WOMEN not females. But I still used it a bit and am not going to say I won’t as that is the natural wording which sometimes wants to come out. > As far as not believing women’s answers, I listen but here’s the thing. I don’t technically know the ultimate reasons of my attraction necessarily: why should I be drawn to two sacks of fat with nozzles that produce milk? What I am saying is that while I can comment on what I observe, it doesnt mean Im in touch with the real reasons why. So if I bring up ideas or question something a women says, it doesnt inherently mean my mind is closed off and I only want my thoughts echoed. Well THAT’S good, but it does (did) come across that way. That’s why you were getting so much guff about the “female” thing. It’s not so much that specific thing, but that it seemed to represent you as having a certain (closed minded) mindset. The bottom line, unfortunately / fortunately, is that women will find any number of things attractive, and unlike your ape friends, the reasons will be emotional and hers alone for whichever woman happens to be sharing what she finds attractive. As several others have already said, yeah that includes the fact that at first glance a lot of us are attracted to the alpha male physically. But for intelligent women that’s heavily tempered with common sense, personal taste, and emotion. We all, men and women, form something of a “love map” which guides (but doesn’t carve in stone), that which we find attractive. So the real answer is, there IS no real answer. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Gateway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/dbc845/32.png) [@Gateway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gateway)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/289 "2013-09-27T21:06:13Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > It’s a different form of manipulation and deception. Most people pick out clothing and groom themselves to emphasize their best features and minimize their worst. Perhaps that’s a form of deception, but it’s incredibly minor. Contrast the Pickup Artist, who is happy to manipulate and deceive a woman into thinking he is interested in her just to have sex with her. The PUA doesn’t care how the woman actually feels, or if she will be hurt by this- to him, she is just an object and/or a conquest. Once he is done with her he will cast her aside. > > By the way, this behavior isn’t unique to men- it’s wrong (and unfortunately quite common) whether done by men or women. But the PUA movement celebrates and encourages behavior which really, really hurts people, and I think it’s very very wrong. People’s emotions are fragile and it’s wrong to manipulate them just for sexual gratification, or masculine feelings of conquest. Sry for the late response. I haven’t come across many PUA ideas which say to fake interest. Manipulation I don’t think is inherently wrong in itself. Deception in my opinion is tricky. It depends maybe on what form. Faking til he is making, lying about being wealthy or about trying to ask her something when he really just wanted to talk to her.I think deception is a bit like manipulation here. Could be wrong though… As for the subject of conquests, not caring, or casting aside, I have mixed views on this subject…and would rather discuss it potentially when I am at a greater understanding about them ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/290 "2013-09-27T21:18:31Z")
> [@Gateway](#): > > Sry for the late response. I haven’t come across many PUA ideas which say to fake interest. Manipulation I don’t think is inherently wrong in itself. Deception in my opinion is tricky. It depends maybe on what form. Faking til he is making, lying about being wealthy or about trying to ask her something when he really just wanted to talk to her.I think deception is a bit like manipulation here. Could be wrong though… > As for the subject of conquests, not caring, or casting aside, I have mixed views on this subject…and would rather discuss it potentially when I am at a greater understanding about them To put it simply, I find PUA’s disgusting because they hurt people, knowingly, and don’t care. Hurting people is wrong, especially when it’s done knowingly. I don’t think it should be admired. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/291 "2013-09-27T21:20:40Z")
“Manipulation” is pretty much getting someone to do or feel something which they would resist if they had a complete understanding of the situation and enough time to consider their decision. Even when someone doesn’t understand how they’ve been manipulated, they feel that they have. And it causes resentment and suspicion at the very least. So, it is dishonest and wrong. Manipulating someone into having sex with you when they wouldn’t if you were honest and clear and respectful? Trapdoor to the greased slide to hell, buddy. If you don’t see that, you have the morals of a rodent. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/292 "2013-09-27T21:50:13Z")
> [@Gateway](#): > > it seems its only negative association is by peoples’ interpretation. And _that_ is called a tautology. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/293 "2013-09-27T23:26:39Z")
For many women, attraction IS in the mind. Sex happens there for many of us as well. If our brain isn’t turned on, we aren’t. From what I can tell, it tends to be the opposite in men - attraction is a physical thing, as is sex. Especially young me. That doesn’t mean we never see a great looking guy and thing “yeah, I’d hit that.” But I think it happens a lot less frequently for women than it does for men - in fact, I can remember the last time I thought it - it was twenty years ago, I was not yet married, and there was this guy waiting for a bus as I was driving by. And I didn’t stop because while he looked absolutely delicious, just the way he was dressed was so “not my intellectual type” (and I’m not the pick up strangers at the bus stop type, even when they are heart stoppingly hot). Women also seem to be far more likely to have a conversation with a guy they are not physically attracted to - it may turn into an intellectual attraction, or it may not. But we will often be nice and make small talk, even when we aren’t thinking “oh my God, I hope he calls me.” Many men I’ve known - especially young single ones - make a “date or not” decision based off looks alone and if the decision is not, there isn’t any reason to waste time in a conversation. This leads to a lot of “she was leading me on” confusion because they can’t comprehend why she would talk to them if they were in the “not date” category. I was an attractive woman (I’m middle aged now), and I’m married to a guy I was friends with for a long time who is not heart stoppingly good looking. In fact, he’s sort of funny looking. A little overweight and always has been. I did not meet him and think “I’d hit that.” I met him and talked to him and found him to be interesting. And later dated him and married him and had two kids and a dog. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/294 "2013-09-28T01:48:57Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > And later dated him and married him and had two kids and a dog. The dog was in vitro, I take it? ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/295 "2013-09-28T14:12:58Z")
I’m going to come out and say that when I first read your OP, I did not interpret it the way many in this thread have interpreted it - as some kind of ‘‘othering’’ language about women. I’m sure biologically there are things many women share in common in terms of attraction. There are always going to be exceptions, but that doesn’t mean that, from a purely sociological standpoint, we can’t make any generalizations whatsoever. What turned me off about this thread, then, is not the OP itself, but rather the attitude you had when presented with negative feedback. Rather than explaining yourself better, you antagonized people, you showed a lack of respect for their ideas, and then made gross rape jokes. I don’t think I’m overly sensitive about that kind of stuff, I totally believe any subject can be funny in the right context, but it was so not appropriate for the purposes of this discussion, especially because it came hard on the heels of women feeling like you were using ‘‘othering’’ language or otherwise demeaning them. So you responded to women who already felt demeaned by demeaning them even further. So maybe think about that. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2013, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/296 "2013-09-29T02:35:07Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > The dog was in vitro, I take it? Adopted, like the first kid. There is a cat, too…but she isn’t bio either ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2013, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/297 "2013-09-29T02:49:30Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Adopted, like the first kid. There is a cat, too…but she isn’t bio either I should have guessed that. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2013, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/298 "2013-10-21T10:39:19Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > “Male” and “female” are also used as distancing language by police and military, particularly for people who are suspected culprits or for people who are about to be killed. They are also used as words by people about other people, and are using it as ‘Descriptive’ [DESCRIPTIVE Definition & Meaning | Dictionary.com](http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/descriptive?s=t) words. You two are going off of the deep end, big time. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218.md?page=14)