# What Is Attractive To Females **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 19, 2013, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218 "2013-09-19T07:11:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2013, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/141 "2013-09-23T17:54:08Z")
What’s attractive to females, to anyone really, is _attractiveness_. That’s the first thing you notice, what they look like. People say they want someone who’s funny, or confident, or well organized or whatever, but what they really mean is that want an attractive funny/confident/well organized person. If they aren’t attracted to you at all, none of the other stuff matters cuz they’ll never see it. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2013, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/142 "2013-09-23T18:23:16Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > :rolleyes: It isn’t that calling us females makes us feel like aliens. It’s saying things like “What do females like?” Like there is some magic wand that you can wave. > > We all like different things. We’re people, human beings, just like men. If I asked, “What do men like?” I’d probably get 100 responses on “sex” and “blowjobs”…guess what, women like sex too, and women even like oral sex. But beyond that, do you all like the same things? Do you all like baseball? Do all men like video games? Do all men hate dressing up? I mean, it’s the same thing - you’re all different. > > But women, oh no, women are just this universal set, and we all like the same thing. Well, anyone who says that, I hit with my non-designer $20 purse. I actually don’t mind being called female. It’s considerably less offensive to me than being called a chick or a girl. I’m 56 years old, I’m an adult, I am not a child. If someone wants to talk about something that both girls and women do, or experience, or something like that, then female is a useful term. I don’t like people assuming that I enjoy shoe shopping, or soap operas, or other typically female (see, used the word!) preferences. Yes, I like some things that many other women like. I also like some things that are usually thought of as being more interesting to men than to women. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2013, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/143 "2013-09-23T18:27:59Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#): > > What’s attractive to females, to anyone really, is _attractiveness_. That’s the first thing you notice, what they look like. People say they want someone who’s funny, or confident, or well organized or whatever, but what they really mean is that want an attractive funny/confident/well organized person. If they aren’t attracted to you at all, none of the other stuff matters cuz they’ll never see it. Nope. Not in my experience. I’ve met guys who were physically very attractive, but once I interacted with them, I would shudder and try to avoid them. Similarly, I’ve known guys who were physically unattractive, but once I got to know them, I found myself attracted to them. Yes, SOME people (men and women both) never look beyond the surface, and won’t ever see a great sense of humor or whatever. But some people are capable of overlooking the physical. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2013, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/144 "2013-09-23T19:50:25Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > :rolleyes: It isn’t that calling us females makes us feel like aliens. It’s saying things like “What do females like?” Like there is some magic wand that you can wave. > > We all like different things. We’re people, human beings, just like men. If I asked, “What do men like?” I’d probably get 100 responses on “sex” and “blowjobs”…guess what, women like sex too, and women even like oral sex. But beyond that, do you all like the same things? Do you all like baseball? Do all men like video games? Do all men hate dressing up? I mean, it’s the same thing - you’re all different. > > But women, oh no, women are just this universal set, and we all like the same thing. Well, anyone who says that, I hit with my non-designer $20 purse. So when women who are looking for a mate make guesses or assumptions about what men in general find attractive, and act on them, by, say, wearing a short skirt, or a low-cut blouse, or mascara, or flicking their hair, or pretending to be dumb, are they treating men as some “universal set” who all like the same thing? Are they being creepy by failing to treat each man, including those they have not yet met, but hope to, as a the unique, special individual he is? Or are they, you know, just trying to attract someone who they might find attractive, and whose uniqueness they will of course recognize and cherish if and when they get to know him, but which cannot be anticipated in advance? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2013, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/145 "2013-09-23T19:58:32Z")
> [@njtt](#): > > So when women who are looking for a mate make guesses or assumptions about what men in general find attractive, and act on them, by, say, wearing a short skirt, or a low-cut blouse, or mascara, or flicking their hair, or pretending to be dumb, are they treating men as some “universal set” who all like the same thing? Are they being creepy by failing to treat each man, including those they have not yet met, but hope to, as a the unique, special individual he is? Or are they, you know, just trying to attract someone who they might find attractive, and whose uniqueness they will of course recognize and cherish if and when they get to know him, but which cannot be anticipated in advance? Do the same things work on every man? Does me pretending to be dumb work everywhere? Some men say they don’t like a lot of makeup. Does every man like short skirts? These are honest questions, and I don’t necessarily know the answer. All I am trying to say is that I’d just like to be treated as an individual. Don’t you men want to be treated as individuals? Is it right that you are often all treated as horndogs? You make a good point, but I still submit that one needs to vary one’s approach. ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2013, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/146 "2013-09-24T13:39:14Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > Nope. Not in my experience. I’ve met guys who were physically very attractive, but once I interacted with them, I would shudder and try to avoid them. So they may have been attractive but werent whatever else you were looking for. You still found out about the second part because they were attractive. > [@](#): > > Similarly, I’ve known guys who were physically unattractive, but once I got to know them, I found myself attracted to them. Then they couldn’t have been that physically unattractive to begin with. > [@](#): > > Yes, SOME people (men and women both) never look beyond the surface, and won’t ever see a great sense of humor or whatever. But some people are capable of overlooking the physical. It’s not just physical attraction, but that’s the start. The guys in your first example, did you know they were jerks before or after you saw that they were attractive? ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2013, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/147 "2013-09-24T14:06:00Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#): > > So they may have been attractive but werent whatever else you were looking for. You still found out about the second part because they were attractive. > > Then they couldn’t have been that physically unattractive to begin with. > > It’s not just physical attraction, but that’s the start. The guys in your first example, did you know they were jerks before or after you saw that they were attractive? Ahhh, the attractive guys hit on ME, not the other way around. So did the unattractive guys. And I dated an extremely ugly guy who chatted me up when he was filling my gas tank (yeah, that was a while ago). This guy had pretty severe acne scars, he was quite short (he claimed to be 5’3" but I think that he was adding an inch or two), bad hair, and poor as a church mouse (college student on a scholarship plus his part time job)…but he had social skills, and was genuinely a nice guy. He was as nice to little old ladies as he was to nubile co-eds. I dated him for about a year or so, and during that time, he was dating at least two and sometimes up to five other women at the same time, so it wasn’t just me who found him charming. I’m sure that he got turned down a lot, but he was willing to take a refusal graciously. A physical attraction CAN be a start. But it’s possible to be ugly as sin and get laid every night of the week and twice on Saturdays, too, if you have good social skills. The attractive guys in my first example…sure, I saw that they were attractive when they approached me, but when they opened their mouths and started talking, their jerkishness completely overwhelmed any physical attraction. ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2013, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/148 "2013-09-24T14:45:07Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > Ahhh, the attractive guys hit on ME, not the other way around. So did the unattractive guys. But you gave them the chance because they were attractive, otherwise you would have just shut them down before anything else could happen. > [@](#): > > And I dated an extremely ugly guy who chatted me up when he was filling my gas tank (yeah, that was a while ago). He couldn’t have been that ugly then. > [@](#): > > A physical attraction CAN be a start. But it’s possible to be ugly as sin and get laid every night of the week and twice on Saturdays, too, if you have good social skills. Again, they can’t be that ugly if they’re getting laid all the time. Someone is attracted to them, they’ve attracted someone, they are attractive. It’s the definition of the word. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2013, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/149 "2013-09-24T15:27:18Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#): > > He couldn’t have been that ugly then. > Again, they can’t be that ugly if they’re getting laid all the time. Someone is attracted to them, they’ve attracted someone, they are attractive. It’s the definition of the word. I don’t know what you’re talking about. It is perfectly possible for someone to be “ugly” in terms of pure physical appearance but be attractive overall. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2013, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/150 "2013-09-24T15:37:39Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#): > > But you gave them the chance because they were attractive, otherwise you would have just shut them down before anything else could happen. > He couldn’t have been that ugly then. > Again, they can’t be that ugly if they’re getting laid all the time. Someone is attracted to them, they’ve attracted someone, they are attractive. It’s the definition of the word. I think you’re using a different definition of the word “ugly”. Some people are physically beautiful, but once you get to know them, you find them unattractive. They are still beautiful. Other people are physically very ugly, but once you get to know them, you find them attractive. They are still very ugly, but their personality makes them attractive. Attractive and unattractive, I think, generally refer to the whole person, while beautiful, pretty, and ugly just refer to physical characteristics. ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2013, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/151 "2013-09-24T16:40:09Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > I don’t know what you’re talking about. It is perfectly possible for someone to be “ugly” in terms of pure physical appearance but be attractive overall. > [@iiandyiiii](#): > > Other people are physically very ugly, but once you get to know them, you find them attractive. They are still very ugly, but their personality makes them attractive. Not in my experience. If you can call someone ugly or even really ugly then how can you be attracted to them? I understand that you can like their personality, but what kind of physical relationship can there be if you think they’re ugly? ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2013, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/152 "2013-09-24T16:50:27Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#): > > Not in my experience. If you can call someone ugly or even really ugly then how can you be attracted to them? I understand that you can like their personality, but what kind of physical relationship can there be if you think they’re ugly? Because physical attraction depends on more than just physical appearance. At first, physical attraction may only rely on appearance- but as you get to know someone, the attraction can change. I have known beautiful women to whom I was very attracted to at first, but upon getting to know them, I lost the attraction- even to the point that I was disgusted by them. And I have known physically unattractive women to whom I was physically repelled at first, but upon getting to know them, I became attracted to them. ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2013, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/153 "2013-09-24T17:43:37Z")
How ‘unattractive’? There’s unattractive and then there’s ugly. In my experience, if they think you’re ugly then they simply won’t care what you’re like on the inside. ---
**Author:** ![CLee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@CLee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CLee)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2013, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/154 "2013-09-24T17:47:46Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#): > > How ‘unattractive’? There’s unattractive and then there’s ugly. > > In my experience, if they think you’re ugly then they simply won’t care what you’re like on the inside. Benicio Del Toro, Lyle Lovett, Danny Trejo, and Dustin Diamond seem to do pretty well, as do countless homely musicians, poets, authors, and comedians. What accounts for their success with romance? ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2013, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/155 "2013-09-24T17:57:09Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#): > > How ‘unattractive’? There’s unattractive and then there’s ugly. > > In my experience, if they think you’re ugly then they simply won’t care what you’re like on the inside. For some people, you are correct. For others, you are incorrect. People are different, and for some physical appearance is less important. And for some, a wonderful personality can even make a very ugly person attractive. ---
**Author:** ![CLee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@CLee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CLee)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2013, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/156 "2013-09-24T18:04:43Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > For some people, you are correct. For others, you are incorrect. People are different, and for some physical appearance is less important. And for some, a wonderful personality can even make a very ugly person attractive. You could have added a bit more, but I suspect you didn’t out of kindness. The ordinary person who lusts after beauty has no business lamenting his station. If he wishes to be appreciated for his other attributes, he should also be prepared to appreciate ordinary women for their attributes. ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2013, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/157 "2013-09-24T18:21:28Z")
> [@CLee](#): > > Benicio Del Toro, Lyle Lovett, Danny Trejo, and Dustin Diamond seem to do pretty well, as do countless homely musicians, poets, authors, and comedians. What accounts for their success with romance? $$$ ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2013, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/158 "2013-09-24T18:37:28Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#): > > $$$ There are many non-rich ugly people with great romantic success. It may seem like nice guys finish last (this is what I’m gathering you believe from your posts), but in the long run they don’t. In the long run, genuinely nice guys meet nice women (or nice guys, if that’s their thing) and go on to have happy lives. Of course, bitter, negative men rarely do, so it’s important to not be bitter and negative. ---
**Author:** ![CLee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@CLee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CLee)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2013, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/159 "2013-09-24T18:39:56Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#): > > $$$ How did they get the $? Talent, drive, ambition, alternatives to genetic gifts. Those people auditioned for the jobs, trained themselves to play music, or honed a natural talent. What is preventing any ordinary looking person from doing the same? ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2013, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218/160 "2013-09-24T18:52:25Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > There are many non-rich ugly people with great romantic success. And there are many many more non-rich ugly people with no romantic success. > [@](#): > > It may seem like nice guys finish last (this is what I’m gathering you believe from your posts), but in the long run they don’t. In the long run, genuinely nice guys meet nice women (or nice guys, if that’s their thing) and go on to have happy lives. Of course, bitter, negative men rarely do, so it’s important to not be bitter and negative. It has nothing to do with being ‘nice’ or not, it has to do with being attractive or not. Just because you can point out someone and say ‘He’s ugly and he gets laid’ doesn’t mean that everyone else who’s ugly gets laid too. So he beat the odds, good for him. But he’s the exception, not the rule. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-attractive-to-females/669218.md?page=9)