What is extremely common in TV or movies but almost never happens in real life?

Cafe Society
161

Here is one ridiculous one from a single TV series, Barnaby Jones.

The early years were notorious for being very cliched. First, there were always two deaths. The one right away, and another about at the halfway point. Even sometimes the first death was accidental, would have been involuntary manslaughter or the person just fell, punishment probably limited, the perp still decides they have to cover it up and go ahead and murder the second person.

Then, the endings. Ugh. Every single ending, the perp is trying to flee, takes a single shot at Barnaby, misses, then Barnaby shoots them in the arm or hand. Every single time. Well, not every single time, David Wayne once shot twice at Barnaby with a shotgun, and I think Barnaby killed him. A special exception for sweeps I guess. Also, if the perp was a woman this was not allowed to happen. Women didn’t get to shoot at Barnaby or get shot. They either had to have a male accomplice that took the shot, or Barnaby talked them out of it or grabbed them or it ended some other way. Even if they had shot and killed their victims.

Later on they did get better writers and got away from such cliched scripts. But there were over 100 episodes that ended the same way.

162

When I was in college, I delivered pizzas to the dorms for 4 years, and not once did a female customer not have enough money to pay while having bow-chicka-wow-wow music playing on her stereo.

163

So the bounty of heady goodness came along only later in life?

164

The main character has a steady group of friends who are always all together. Never are only two or three of the girls available for brunch; never does one guy get a girlfriend and start spending most of his time with her. In reality, those kinds of friendships, with that level of time spent together in a group, pretty much cease to exist after graduation.

165

Here’s one I hate:

TV geniuses. They have stated IQs that are not actually possible the way IQs are measured, such as “187”; someone like that would simply be “above testing parameters,” and at any rate, IQs don’t apply to adults (sorry Mensa), because they are a ratio of intellectual age to chronological age that only exists for people under 18.

They speed-read, as conceived by TV writers who don’t have a clue what speed-reading is-- yes, it exists-- I can do it, but it’s not fun, so you never do it with pleasure reading, and you don’t read things 200 or 300% faster, you read them, at most 60% faster, which is really significant in college, when you have 100 pages of required reading to get through, but honestly, I think I’ve found the skill useful on maybe three occasions since I finished school.

They have HSAM (high recall of autobiographic memory), which they sometimes refer to as “eidetic” memory, even though they aren’t the same thing, and neither one is a factor of intelligence. The ability to recall information is, but that is not either HSAM, or eidetic memory.

They speak several languages perfectly, even though they usually are not particularly sociable, and immersion with interaction in the new language is the only way to acquire another spoken language so well. A written language can be learned as an academic pursuit, but not a spoken language.

Which is another thing: the one place they lack is in social skills, and that usually is not that case in real life either.

I could keep going on, but I think this makes the point.

166

And here in Tucson.

My dad used to go walking out at Sabino Canyon here in Tucson. He used to look for reptiles, always hoping to see something unusual (PhD in Herpetology). One day he stepped over a rattler lying in the trail. Never even saw it. It didn’t rattle. He only knew because a hiker walking towards him stopped and said “mister! Didn’t you see the rattlesnake!?”. Dad turned and spotted it. And, being dad, was immediately disappointed that it was a species he’d seen before.

You know what you don’t see in real life? Police walking up and asking for the name and room key and

167

Sigh. I couldn’t edit in time. Anyhow. You know how on cops shows cops walk up to a front desk clerk and they’re all “Fred Smith staying here? We need all the info you have on him and a key to his room”? Yeah, no. Come back with your warrant, there, buddy. If we call the cops - domestic violence is the big one - then we will give out information when they request it.

168

Large mainframe computers shown with tapes spinning back and forth. In real life, they would almost always be spinning on one direction (one for searching/reading/writing; the other for rewinding/unloading.) And in real life, there probably would be some tapes not moving at all, and some tape drives with no tapes on them.

169

I thought they’d found you :open_mouth:

170

Trust me, I have no knowledge of anything sensitive!

171

Were we on the same boat?

172

Land, sea, or air, the XO job is crazy-making.

173

Frustrated cop or PI listening to a recorded statement for the umpteenth time: “There’s something bugging me, and I know it’s on this tape!” :angry:

If you’re so sure, why the hell weren’t you able to identify it immediately? :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

Oh, you were waiting for the inevitable epiphany? Well, that’s understandable… :+1:

174

I had a boss once who delivered her second child in about an hour and a half. In fact, the baby was delivered by a plumber working in a bathroom nearby because despite her telling the nurse the baby was coming now, the nurse decided my boss didn’t know what she was talking about, said it would be hours yet, and left her screaming for help in the room. Luckily the plumber heard her.

Afterwards the doctor congratulated the plumber, saying he’d done a good job. The plumber’s response was, “Pipes is pipes.”

(She didn’t say how many pushes it took, though.)

175

Oh yes, serial killers. For some reason, the local TV is showing lots of relatively recent Steven Seagal movies at the moment, from his current potboiler period. Steven and his cohorts tackle and kill all manner of baddies, and lots of them.

Should the police be informed?

Seriously, any number of Hollywood movies end with the villain(s) nicely riddled. Do the police not get involved? Does the hot-shot hero not spend the next few years with lawyers crawling all over him?

176

Their high IQ lets them instantly be able to deduce the physical and molecular properties of any substance without lab testing it and without tables of data.

177

My mother always said that when I was born, it felt like she went to the hospital and they handed her a baby. But then again, I was her third baby in less than three years. And unlike TV, I’m sure that I wasn’t born a clean 6 month old baby.

178

It’s sort of like “Hollywood homely” – a character whose looks are commented on in a negative way and/or has low self-esteem because of it still looks pretty darn good. Truly ugly actors are rare, even villains and character actors.

179

In order to accommodate the camera, two guys will sit on a sofa a little closer than they would IRL.

180

A “genius” trope that I find annoying is the ubiquitous idea that you can detect a smart person by the fact that they will state a numerical result to a ridiculously inappropriate number of significant figures.

“Captain, having spent 3 minutes analyzing the amorphous space monster that we have never encountered before, I estimate that we have a 27.21984 per cent probability of survival.”

No, smart and numerate people do not do that.