# what is it about having children that causes women to become inconsiderate monsters? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 19, 2006, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026 "2006-03-19T19:55:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2006, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026/41 "2006-03-20T13:41:46Z")
> [@calm kiwi](#): > > No it doesn’t, really, truly, honestly! If they are rude, inconsiderate twats WITH children they were rude inconsiderate twats BEFORE children. Nope. They’re not even necessarily rude inconsiderate twats when their children aren’t around. ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2006, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026/42 "2006-03-20T13:50:22Z")
To you perhaps. I bet they are to someone. Having children does not make you rude, selfish and inconsiderate. Having children may make those traits more obvious to others though. If you have those traits, chances are your kids will be little shits. ---
**Author:** ![Ichbin\_Dubist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/51bf81/32.png) [@Ichbin\_Dubist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ichbin_Dubist)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2006, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026/43 "2006-03-20T14:02:32Z")
> [@1920s Style "Death Ray"](#): > > You serious? > > If you want a baby free life style then you are welcome to it, inside the four walls of your own house. When you go out, you go out in to THE WORLD, and THE WORLD contains BABIES. Don’t like it? Then FUCK OFF! Hear, hear. I sometimes have to wonder how people manage to live such coddled lives that they’re astounded that fellow humans will talk in movie theaters, or answer cellphones in bookstores, or block sidewalks, or drive inconsiderately, or cut lines. Babies have squalled, dogs have shit in inappropriate places, cars have occupied 2 parking spaces. It seems to me that your choices are to shrug it off or get on the waiting list for a nice cave somewhere. Life is not a television show. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2006, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026/44 "2006-03-20T14:10:47Z")
> [@calm kiwi](#): > > Your mother received scathing looks at the supermarket when you chucked a tanty because you didn’t get the shiney, sparkly, choccy thing you wanted. :dubious: You’re not from around here are you? ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2006, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026/45 "2006-03-20T14:10:58Z")
> [@1920s Style "Death Ray"](#): > > Then FUCK OFF! This thread is not in the Pit. This comment is out of line for IMHO. If posters feel the need to rip **VC03** a new one, y’all know where the Pit is. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2006, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026/46 "2006-03-20T14:21:40Z")
I’m in the “they were rude, inconsiderate assholes before they had kids, so they’re rude, inconsiderate assholes after they have kids, too” camp. Although some new parents, moms especially, do seem to go totally over the edge these days, over-protecting Junior to the point of insanity. Oh, wait. No, that’s been happening for a long time. My dad was so overprotected by his mom and grandmother back in the late '20s/early '30s that he wasn’t allowed in water over his knees till he was 12 and went to Scout camp. So there we have anecdotal evidence that some moms have always gone overboard. It may be more noticeable today because of the behemoths they wheel around known as strollers, that seem more like small houses on wheels to me. Why do people want such huge baby equipment? It’s hard enough traveling anywhere with a small child with all the toys, diaper bag, change of clothes, blankets, small stroller, etc.; why saddle yourselves with 50 lbs of equipment to go to the grocery store? I agree that there’s a group of young moms with a sense of entitlement who act like jerks. But I can’t honestly come up with a simple explanation for it. Socioeconomic? Nah, moms with less money may have less equipment but they find other ways to be aggravating with their kids out in public. Exhaustion? I’ve known enough moms with small kids who were the soul of courtesy to know that exhaustion can be a factor but can also be used as an excuse, which is unfair to the polite exhausted moms. Obliviousness? That’s entirely possible; much as I rail against other people blocking the path, I’ve been known to park my grocery cart in the wrong place in the aisle, too, out of sheer obliviousness, and especially when your kids get to a grabby stage, you really do have to stay 100% focused on them no matter what else you’re doing. . Hormones? Actually, that’s really an insult to the vast majority of women, who are aware of and try to compensate for when their hormones go wacky. Sure, there’s a few who are at the mercy of their hormones; but the behavior of the vast majority of new moms is no more hormonal than everyone else’s behavior is. The one thing I do know is that you can’t just lump all moms into a single group, and there’s not a single, simple explanation for what you’re seeing. I too think confirmation bias on your part, rather than any single cause of behavior on their part, is the best explanation. ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2006, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026/47 "2006-03-20T14:39:45Z")
It really irks me when people who don’t have children rail against mothers. There are some idiots among us, no doubt; I haven’t met more than a few, but there are certainly more. What I don’t think some of you understand is what being a mother of small children entails. I no longer: Shower more than 2x/wk, wear makeup, color my hair, buy much of anything for myself, watch TV of my choosing (it certainly wouldn’t include Elmo), go to the bathroom alone, talk on the phone without interruptions, go to friends’ houses or just out for fun unless advance arrangements have been made (and then it’s for a proscribed period of time). My kids get 80% of me. Before I can eat, I have to make sure they’ve been fed. Are they clean? Safe? Dressed appropriately? Entertained? Before you bash on moms, get yourself a couple of puppies and attend to their every need, no fair using cages. It’s a journey like no other. I wouldn’t trade this job for anything, raising them is an unbelievable privilege; but this is Work. You guys who haven’t done it have absolutely no clue. I’d finish this thought but my ds is pitching a fit. ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2006, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026/48 "2006-03-20T14:48:01Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > :dubious: You’re not from around here are you? I am too! I was sitting right here when I wrote that. Are you some kind of weird foreigner? Well said **fessie** and **Mama Tiger**. ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2006, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026/49 "2006-03-20T14:49:08Z")
> [@VCO3](#): > > This is neither a rant nor a Pit thread. Please be adults and keep it from becoming one. Not a rant, just a curious over generalisation. > [@VCO3](#): > > Is this a generally recognized phenomenon? My girlfriend and I have a two month old baby, she fits none of what was written in your thread. Her daughter has a four month old baby, she doesn’t fit any description in your post, neither does her son. And a friend of ours with a four month old son doesn’t either. So no, not generally recognised at all. But when you post this; > [@VCO3](#): > > I’m in the middle of Chicago, so I’m dealing with exclusively urban/yuppie mothers. These people are more affluent and do not work, therefore have a sense of entitlement and a pattern of such behavior that’s probably evident in all areas of life and was there before the children. And then this; > [@VCO3](#): > > kind of like how I feel after I get off of a 12-hour shift! It seems to be less of a issue about mothers and their babies and more of an issue about your work/wage packet vs their husbands 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2006, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026/50 "2006-03-20T14:52:04Z")
> [@fessie](#): > > Before you bash on moms, get yourself a couple of puppies and attend to their every need, no fair using cages. It’s a journey like no other. I wouldn’t trade this job for anything, raising them is an unbelievable privilege; but this is Work. You guys who haven’t done it have absolutely no clue True, work for me has never been as stressful as having our little tyke on my shoulder bawling like mad not knowing if its her nappy or food or tiredness, no matter how ridiculous the cow-orker has been 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Balduran](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cc9497/32.png) [@Balduran](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balduran)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2006, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026/51 "2006-03-20T15:08:06Z")
I used to be one of those people who moaned about how inconsiderate parents are, and their sense of entitlement. Then I had a kid. When you have a kid, you will remember nostalgically the time you rolled your eyes because a stroller was blocking your way on your morning trip to Starbuck’s for a latte and wish that life was that easy again. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2006, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026/52 "2006-03-20T15:44:25Z")
> [@bluetrust](#): > > I understand being a parent and not wanting to be called an “inconsiderate monster.” Of course you get defensive. > > But you have to understand it from our perspective. We chose a baby-free lifestyle, and to us, your kids are little better than poorly trained housepets. And by extension, you’re the jerk who owns them. > > If I brought a dog into a supermarket and it started howling, would you cut me any slack? No way. If you had a dog somewhere you needed to bring a dog and it was barking or howling, of course I’d cut you some slack. So would anyone. What sort of nut case would complain about seeing eye dogs, or about dogs barking in a vet’s office, or about a dog running around in a dog park? ---
**Author:** ![Balduran](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cc9497/32.png) [@Balduran](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balduran)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2006, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026/53 "2006-03-20T17:03:14Z")
> [@bluetrust](#): > > But you have to understand it from our perspective. We chose a baby-free lifestyle, and to us, your kids are little better than poorly trained housepets. And by extension, you’re the jerk who owns them. Actually pretty much all of us understand it from your perspective as we were childless at one time too. It is you who lack perspective. For many of us, having children is when we finally graduate to fully formed human beings. There become more important things in life than just our own comforts. We see a screaming child and feel empathy rather than anger. ---
**Author:** ![Mayo\_Speaks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Mayo\_Speaks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mayo_Speaks)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2006, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026/54 "2006-03-20T17:14:58Z")
> [@Left Hand of Dorkness](#): > > I think I know the answer to this, **VCO3**. The answer is [confirmation bias](http://skepdic.com/confirmbias.html). Because you’re convinced that mothers are bad people (I won’t dare delve into the reasons you hold such a belief), you notice mothers who are being bad people, and you don’t notice the mothers who are not. > > I recently read a Yiddish proverb: the whole world is not crazy. Think on it. > > Daniel Thanks, **LHOD!** I’ve always wanted a phrase to describe this phenomenon, and now I’ve got it. Yay! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Who\_me\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/958977/32.png) [@Who\_me\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Who_me_1)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2006, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026/55 "2006-03-20T17:27:59Z")
Let’s see… you talk about a typical yuppie mother and you decide to blame _motherhood_??? I think you can stop at yuppie and blame the inconsideration on that. While I’ve know some very nice self-described yuppies, I see many who don’t think of anything beyond their own convenience. ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2006, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026/56 "2006-03-20T18:40:24Z")
> [@Balduran](#): > > Actually pretty much all of us understand it from your perspective as we were childless at one time too. It is you who lack perspective. For many of us, having children is when we finally graduate to fully formed human beings. There become more important things in life than just our own comforts. We see a screaming child and feel empathy rather than anger. Beautiful. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2006, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026/57 "2006-03-20T19:59:51Z")
> [@fessie](#): > > Beautiful. Funny, I was going to say offensive. Funny world, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2006, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026/58 "2006-03-20T20:08:15Z")
And I was going to say how sad that is, that for some people it takes having a child to make your life complete. It’s kind of like those people who think their high school years were the best of their life. ---
**Author:** ![Balduran](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cc9497/32.png) [@Balduran](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balduran)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2006, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026/59 "2006-03-20T20:22:08Z")
Thanks **fessie** 🙂 To **Binarydrone** , there is nothing offensive about it. I didn’t say everybody needs to have a kid to experience a larger range of human emotions. Personally I did because I happened to be pretty selfish before. I suspect there are others out there like me. How is that sad **yellowval**? Everybody needs something to make their lives feel complete. Be it spouses, curling, children, degrees, jobs, Trans-Ams, their collection of Iron Maiden concert shirts … ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2006, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026/60 "2006-03-20T20:23:18Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > Funny, I was going to say offensive. Funny world, I guess. I’d have granted you “offensive” if **Balduran** had said “should” anywhere in his/er post. But the word’s not stated, nor is it implied. > [@](#): > > For many of us, having children is when we finally graduate to fully formed human beings. clearly allows that it’s not the only way of getting there. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-about-having-children-that-causes-women-to-become-inconsiderate-monsters/349026.md?page=4)