# What is it with men and sexual abuse of children? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 18, 2012, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595 "2012-07-18T04:01:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Freakenstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b782af/32.png) [@Freakenstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freakenstein)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595/181 "2012-08-20T14:35:06Z")
> [@ugly ripe tomato](#): > > Forget that, let’s just say that no men are allowed to become fathers, ever. Yes, because You know why they want to become fathers. Only to get kids, that’s why, some are planning it years ahead. But seriously **LadyMadonna**. Few years ago I saw a part of a TV-program ( don’t know title or anything ). It said the most usual fantasy by males was two women at a time and there practically were no other fantasies. With women it was all these real and imaginary animals, space aliens, midgets, mummies and hooded guys jumping from the bushes swinging a knife. And these were all normal housewives You meet everyday! And I have heard similar claims elsewhere too. And You call men sick? ( Can’t give better cites than You do, You just gotta believe. ) ---
**Author:** ![LadyMadonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/eb8c5e/32.png) [@LadyMadonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LadyMadonna)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595/182 "2012-08-20T14:37:39Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > Men apparently need to be supervised by women, all the time. Sounds like an excellent idea! ---
**Author:** ![Bozuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595/183 "2012-08-20T14:44:00Z")
A place I occasionally work at has a primary school next door to it. A couple of times I was in a bad mood on a slow day and found it was really heartening to take a break and watch the kids playing in the playground. Unfortunately as soon as I started I realized that everyone’s pedometers would be going crazy so I stopped that pretty quickly. When I was of a similar age to those children I remember our class being taken for a walk in the area outside the school (it borders on rural). Our teacher ended up hurrying us all back to the school ahead of schedule because someone noticed a man “watching” us. ---
**Author:** ![LadyMadonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/eb8c5e/32.png) [@LadyMadonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LadyMadonna)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595/184 "2012-08-20T14:50:40Z")
> [@SerenaPerido](#): > > I truly hope it never comes to this. What sort of message is this sending to our boys? That they will be feared and mistrusted when they become men? Might as well start the self- loathing when they’re young, those (future) perverts! What message does it send to girls about what their families and communities think about men? These little guys are going to grow up to be men and women one day, you know. > > Your male teacher, coach, policeman whatever, can’t be trusted? This is just so over the top as to be ridiculous. > > **Lady** , I would love to know what effect you think this “vigilance” is going have on the psyches of our future generations. What sort of message? It will teach boys to KEEP IT IN THEIR PANTS. It will teach them that they don’t get to satisfy every sexual whim that they have. It will teach them that girls/women are to be respected. I don’t believe for a minute that it will harm the psyche of young males. But young boys need to be protected, also. That’s for sure. So you’re saying that if your young daughter’s unmarried male coach wants her to spend the night at his house because they have an early morning athletic meet the next morning, that you’d allow her to do that without reservation?? ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595/185 "2012-08-20T14:58:46Z")
I can’t personally see how teaching boys that they are all barely-contained sexual predators likely to rape and molest girls/younger boys the second that no one is watching them could possibly go wrong. ---
**Author:** ![LadyMadonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/eb8c5e/32.png) [@LadyMadonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LadyMadonna)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595/186 "2012-08-20T15:00:19Z")
> [@Bozuit](#): > > **LadyMadonna** your ideas are terrible. There are four pages in this thread so there’s no point in going into why they’re terrible ideas. It shouldn’t even need explanation. So please, what are some better ideas? Please share them with the class. Or do you not think there is even a problem? ---
**Author:** ![LadyMadonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/eb8c5e/32.png) [@LadyMadonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LadyMadonna)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595/187 "2012-08-20T15:01:37Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > **LadyMadonna** , have you met **Der Trihs**? I believe he has met you (or a sister soul) in the past. No, haven’t met him and don’t care to. Dealing with real life is challenging enough. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595/188 "2012-08-20T15:02:02Z")
> [@LadyMadonna](#): > > So you’re saying that if your young daughter’s unmarried male coach wants her to spend the night at his house because they have an early morning athletic meet the next morning, that you’d allow her to do that without reservation?? That would be inappropriate in the extreme and even more unlikely to never happen. 1.Unmarried coach 2. Single athlete, no team to transport. 3. Far away competition. 4. Coach lives so much closer that the time factor is an advantage. I can’t imagine a situation where a coach lives that far from their athlete. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595/189 "2012-08-20T15:02:26Z")
Pro tip: kids can only be asking for it if they’re old enough to talk. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595/190 "2012-08-20T15:04:48Z")
> [@LadyMadonna](#): > > So you’re saying that if your young daughter’s unmarried male coach wants her to spend the night at his house because they have an early morning athletic meet the next morning, that you’d allow her to do that without reservation?? Of course. And I’d allow her to sell Girl Guide cookies at any time of the day or night in Bluto’s Pole Dancing Tavern and Grill. Especially at night, actually, because a crowd of drunks spends money like water. ---
**Author:** ![Truman\_Burbank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@Truman\_Burbank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Truman_Burbank)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595/191 "2012-08-20T15:10:02Z")
I feel your pain, honestly. There \*aren’t going to be \*any simple, comprehensive solutions to the problem of child abuse (sexual and otherwise). As for us guys, I’ve worked with kids for most of my career, both before and after my own marriage/children. Many of them had been traumatized, and I had to consider whether I would take a ‘hands off, protecting myself against misinterpretation’ position, or let myself hug and such as seemed appropriate, knowing that I have a pure heart and many of those kids could surely use some ‘safe’ touching. I took that ‘risk’, such as it was, and never had any difficulties. I really felt touched and honored whenever a parent would entrust their kid to me, whether it was a boy or girl, for coaching, sleepovers, chauffering. I guess I’m saying to us guys that we should maybe also be careful to not let the Lady Madonnas of the world make us overly gunshy of relating with kids in healthy ways (YMMV). ---
**Author:** ![LadyMadonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/eb8c5e/32.png) [@LadyMadonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LadyMadonna)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595/192 "2012-08-20T15:11:38Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > This sort of thing has happened to me (and many other men too, I expect) - Without ever having done anything wrong, we’re _already_ suspected rapists/paedophiles, to the extent that my first thought, when seeing anyone in danger is no longer: “How can I help?”, but rather: “\*Can \*I actually help, without my motives being misunderstood?”. > > It ought to be a simple equation - the needs of a person at risk are more important than my petty fears, but what if the danger is not immediate (small child wandering alone in the woods - maybe lost, maybe not, but parents nowhere in sight) - and any action I might take would reduce not only the risk, but also _the later perception that there even was a risk_. > > It’s bad enough already, without **LadyMadonna** ’s ideas passing into statute. Do you really want to create a world where men (the vast majority of whom are probably not paedophiles or rapists) are too fearful to render aid when they see a vulnerable person at risk? > Any benefit you gain in reducing abuse, by assuming the worst is going to be overwhelmed by the harm caused in increasing the occurrences where everyone was too scared to help. When did this become about not helping a child in an emergency? ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595/193 "2012-08-20T15:14:11Z")
> [@LadyMadonna](#): > > What sort of message? It will teach boys to KEEP IT IN THEIR PANTS. It will teach them that they don’t get to satisfy every sexual whim that they have. It will teach them that girls/women are to be respected. I don’t believe for a minute that it will harm the psyche of young males. > > But young boys need to be protected, also. That’s for sure. > > So you’re saying that if your young daughter’s unmarried male coach wants her to spend the night at his house because they have an early morning athletic meet the next morning, that you’d allow her to do that without reservation?? There’s a happy medium between not allowing any unsupervised contact between all adult men and children (especially considering that family members like parents are far, far more likely to molest a child then strangers) and allowing sleepovers at the coach’s house. Like responsible, reasonable parenting. Men should not be afraid to approach children that might be in distress, or be afraid to get into a career because they like mentoring and interacting with children, for fear of being branded a predator. It seems pretty clear to me, at least, that you really dislike men, and are using statistics about a tiny minority of men to justify your intense misandry. ---
**Author:** ![LadyMadonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/eb8c5e/32.png) [@LadyMadonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LadyMadonna)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595/194 "2012-08-20T15:22:08Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > That would be inappropriate in the extreme and even more unlikely to never happen. > 1.Unmarried coach > 2. Single athlete, no team to transport. > 3. Far away competition. > 4. Coach lives so much closer that the time factor is an advantage. I can’t imagine a situation where a coach lives that far from their athlete. You’re missing the point. Would you let her go? If not, why not? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595/195 "2012-08-20T15:27:00Z")
> [@LadyMadonna](#): > > You’re missing the point. Would you let her go? If not, why not? No, I wouldn’t. The scenario you laid out would be a giant red flag. Like I said, it’s inappropriate in the extreme. It is not equal to someone coaching youth. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595/196 "2012-08-20T15:30:53Z")
> [@LadyMadonna](#): > > You’re missing the point. Would you let her go? If not, why not? You’re missing lots of things. Mostly brain cells. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595/197 "2012-08-20T15:34:10Z")
LadyMadonna, have you ever heard of a TLC show called Toddlers and Tiaras? Which gender is most responsible for tarting up little girls by painting Vegas showgirl make-up on their faces, teasing their hair and encouraging them to behave seductively? Which gender paints up toddlers to resemble miniature, sexy women? And the network responsible for bringing footage of this circus to the masses, any blood on its hands? And what of the numerous commercial sponsors of this popular program? Are any of the parties responsible female? Do you feel that this program contributes to mixed signals that could lead to the sexualization of kids? ---
**Author:** ![LadyMadonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/eb8c5e/32.png) [@LadyMadonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LadyMadonna)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595/198 "2012-08-20T15:35:51Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > There’s a happy medium between not allowing any unsupervised contact between all adult men and children (especially considering that family members like parents are far, far more likely to molest a child then strangers) and allowing sleepovers at the coach’s house. Like responsible, reasonable parenting. > > Men should not be afraid to approach children that might be in distress, or be afraid to get into a career because they like mentoring and interacting with children, for fear of being branded a predator. > > It seems pretty clear to me, at least, that you really dislike men, and are using statistics about a tiny minority of men to justify your intense misandry. You are so right in that most child sexual abuse is committed by a family member or someone that the child knows. You mentioned that only a “tiny minority” of men are abusers. How do we know that for sure? How do we know how many haven’t been caught? And with those that have not offended, how do we know that they’re not thinking about it? You’re calling it “responsible, reasonable parenting”. I’m calling it being proactive. Either way, aren’t we both saying THE POTENTIAL OF ABUSE EXISTS?? ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595/199 "2012-08-20T15:44:40Z")
> [@LadyMadonna](#): > > You are so right in that most child sexual abuse is committed by a family member or someone that the child knows. > > You mentioned that only a “tiny minority” of men are abusers. How do we know that for sure? Are you for real? How do we know for sure that aliens haven’t taken over our government? How do we know for sure that the president is not a secret terrorist? This is perhaps the most ridiculous thing you’ve said in this thread- and there’s a lot of competition. > [@](#): > > How do we know how many haven’t been caught? And with those that have not offended, how do we know that they’re not thinking about it? Wow. I suggest you invest heavily in mind-reading technology. > [@](#): > > You’re calling it “responsible, reasonable parenting”. I’m calling it being proactive. Either way, aren’t we both saying THE POTENTIAL OF ABUSE EXISTS?? Yes, and there are smart ways to be safe, and stupid ways. One way to reduce the chance of your kid being molested would be to prevent him/her from contact with any human being, in any situation, until he/she is 18. This is a stupid way. A smart way is to get to know your neighbors, your kids’ teachers and coaches, your kids friends and their parents, etc, to make sure your child is equipped to defend him/herself (kicking/screaming etc) if someone tries something, to teach your kid that crowds/public places are generally safe, while alleys/closed rooms might be less safe, and other common sense parenting. There’s no evidence that any more than a tiny minority of men abuse children. I see no reason to believe anything that has no evidence to support it. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595/200 "2012-08-20T15:45:27Z")
> [@LadyMadonna](#): > > You mentioned that only a “tiny minority” of men are abusers. How do we know that for sure? How do we know how many haven’t been caught? And with those that have not offended, how do we know that they’re not thinking about it? > > You’re calling it “responsible, reasonable parenting”. I’m calling it being proactive. Either way, aren’t we both saying THE POTENTIAL OF ABUSE EXISTS?? So what’s your solution? Lock up all men for life? It’s the only way to be sure. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-men-and-sexual-abuse-of-children/628595.md?page=11)