# What is it with the BBQ pit forum **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [January 10, 2011, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048 "2011-01-10T00:48:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![iamnotbatman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/858c86/32.png) [@iamnotbatman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamnotbatman)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048/21 "2011-01-11T08:35:46Z")
Happens all the time with my in-laws. People sometimes act differently when outside of a “sanctified” setting, like the dinner table, or when away from the children. The whole “specially designated room” thing is only strange in IRL because it is arbitrary, since there is no one to enforce any rules in separate rooms. It makes perfect sense why there would be a separate “room” on the SDMB. The internet is, of course, different from real life. For one thing, you can engage in a pit discussion while “at the dinner table”, as it were. IRL, there is a spirit of truth to this also: sometimes you can be really pissed at someone at the dinner table, say, but you can’t say anything there. You have to wait until later. The internet removes this inconvenience. You can talk politely at the dinner table while at the same time have an “under the table” discussion. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048/22 "2011-01-11T08:37:56Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > But this is not a good analogy of what happens in the Pit. The analogy would be: > Suppose you are having dinner at your wife’s parent’s house, and they are a little uptight. In their presence you adhere to certain conventions and promote a certain decorum. After a couple of hours of this, you can’t take it anymore, and ask your father-in-law to a specially designated room, where you start saying “You fucking asshole, you are a shitstain on humanity.” He responds in kind. You wife and mother-in-law join the discussion, and you call your wife a whore and your mother-in-law calls you a fag. After half an hour of this, you all go back to the living room and start politely discussing the latest movie and you ask your father in law if he would like some tea and crumpets. I think that’s just Internet Tough Guy syndrome kicking in. When you are mad at someone on the Internet, you have to use the most hurtful words possible, and everyone is told not to take it seriously. I need to work on both. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048/23 "2011-01-11T08:46:49Z")
> [@iamnotbatman](#): > > Happens all the time with my in-laws. You regularly call your father in law an asshole and a shitstain on humanity, and your mother in law calls you a fag? (or similarly charged terms?) And then you continue having polite discussions? ---
**Author:** ![iamnotbatman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/858c86/32.png) [@iamnotbatman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamnotbatman)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048/24 "2011-01-11T08:49:49Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > You regularly call your father in law an asshole and a shitstain on humanity, and your mother in law calls you a fag? (or similarly charged terms?) And then you continue having polite discussions? No, but the analogy is valid – the rules of behavior are different away from the dinner table (for example). ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048/25 "2011-01-11T13:58:28Z")
Family dinnertime not exactly like the Internet! News at 11. ---
**Author:** ![iamnotbatman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/858c86/32.png) [@iamnotbatman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamnotbatman)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048/26 "2011-01-11T14:32:35Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Family dinnertime not exactly like the Internet! News at 11. That’s why it’s called an _analogy_. ---
**Author:** ![srzss05](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@srzss05](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/srzss05)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048/27 "2011-01-11T15:10:25Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > I totally get where you are coming from with this and really appreciate how cogently and clearly you expressed your opinion. I understand your irony and sarcasm, but then again I don’t start threads to do so\*. I was just stating an opinion in response to another opinion. \*in fact, of the thousands of messages on both usenet and web boards, I may have started 3 or 4 topics in the last 13 years ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048/28 "2011-01-11T15:26:29Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > But this is not a good analogy of what happens in the Pit. The analogy would be: > Suppose you are having dinner at your wife’s parent’s house, and they are a little uptight. In their presence you adhere to certain conventions and promote a certain decorum. After a couple of hours of this, you can’t take it anymore, and ask your father-in-law to a specially designated room, where you start saying “You fucking asshole, you are a shitstain on humanity.” He responds in kind. You wife and mother-in-law join the discussion, and you call your wife a whore and your mother-in-law calls you a fag. After half an hour of this, you all go back to the living room and start politely discussing the latest movie and you ask your father in law if he would like some tea and crumpets. Wow, I wish I really could do that IRL. There’s a lot of relationships I have where lots of minor things get under my skin over and over (or perhaps it’s just one or two massive things drive me batshit) and there’s no polite or socially sanctioned way to let the person know they’re making me into a crazy person, nor is there any way to avoid said person without terminating the entire relationship, which is a drastic step and sometimes hard to enforce or justify. This would be awesome. The only way I could think of to make it better would be to have a whole room (kitchen again, perhaps?) filled with those “sugar glass” bottles and plates to fling at each other for the satisfying crunches and smashes. Everyone rages, everyone flings, and after the sugar dust clears, you all shake hands and go back to polite society. I should so start a company. The T’d Room. “No Shitstorm too Small” ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048/29 "2011-01-11T15:55:42Z")
The framers of the SDMB realized what a cesspool of incivility most internet message boards are, where – unlike real life – common-sense rules of ettiquette tend not to apply and folks can be an anonymous jerks with no consequences. Wisely, they said, this place is different. We’ve got a code of conduct here and if you want to play in our sandbox, you’ll play nice. But they were also smart enough to recognize that humans aren’t perfect, and sometimes they need to let loose on somebody or their little heads will explode. So they created one corner of the board dedicated to allowing people to get it out of their system without dragging down the tone of the rest of the place. I think it’s worked out pretty well. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048/30 "2011-01-11T17:22:36Z")
> [@iamnotbatman](#): > > That’s why it’s called an _analogy_. Or, in this case, a “bad” analogy. ---
**Author:** ![iamnotbatman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/858c86/32.png) [@iamnotbatman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamnotbatman)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048/31 "2011-01-11T18:02:46Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Or, in this case, a “bad” analogy. Explain. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048/32 "2011-01-11T18:04:42Z")
It’s the opposite of a good analogy. ---
**Author:** ![iamnotbatman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/858c86/32.png) [@iamnotbatman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamnotbatman)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048/33 "2011-01-11T18:08:05Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > It’s the opposite of a good analogy. Explain more. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048/34 "2011-01-11T18:22:45Z")
Conversing in an anonymous setting with hundreds or thousands of geographically far-flung strangers is in no way comparable to having dinner in your house with your family, no matter how hard you try to jam them together with a crappy analogy. Hence: Bad analogy. You’re welcome. ---
**Author:** ![iamnotbatman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/858c86/32.png) [@iamnotbatman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamnotbatman)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048/35 "2011-01-11T18:27:50Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Conversing in an anonymous setting with hundreds or thousands of geographically far-flung strangers is in no way comparable to having dinner in your house with your family, no matter how hard you try to jam them together with a crappy analogy. > > Hence: Bad analogy. You’re welcome. You obviously didn’t read much of what I said. The analogy was not so general: “the rules of behavior are different away from the dinner table (for example).” The point being that IRL there are indeed forums for which different social conventions apply. It is a good analogy. Gonna need me s’more splainin ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048/36 "2011-01-11T18:31:26Z")
Hm. Well, I stand by my point that the analogy is poor, but I actually had your prior posts in this thread confused with **Polerius** ’s. My initial throw-away one-liner was actually in response to his post: > [@Polerius](#): > > You regularly call your father in law an asshole and a shitstain on humanity, and your mother in law calls you a fag? (or similarly charged terms?) And then you continue having polite discussions? Sorry for the confusion. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048/37 "2011-01-11T18:59:17Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Hm. Well, I stand by my point that the analogy is poor, but I actually had your prior posts in this thread confused with **Polerius** ’s. My initial throw-away one-liner was actually in response to his post Well, the dinner-with-family analogy was one that **iamnotbatman** initially started, but was wrong IMO because in his first dinner-with-family analogy he mentioned that the family members go to another room to rant about others _not_ in that room. I just corrected him that, if we were going with the dinner-with-family analogy, the Pit is a place were you go and rant and cuss at people to their face. Second, my question “You regularly call your father in law an asshole and a shitstain on humanity, and your mother in law calls you a fag? (or similarly charged terms?) And then you continue having polite discussions?” was simply in response to his assertion “Happens all the time with my in-laws” after I posted the updated dinner-with-family analogy where family members cuss each other out. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048/38 "2011-01-11T19:30:06Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > Suppose you are having dinner at your wife’s parent’s house, and they are a little uptight. In their presence you adhere to certain conventions and promote a certain decorum. After a couple of hours of this, you can’t take it anymore, and ask your father-in-law to a specially designated room, where you start saying “You fucking asshole, you are a shitstain on humanity.” He responds in kind. You wife and mother-in-law join the discussion, and you call your wife a whore and your mother-in-law calls you a fag. After half an hour of this, you all go back to the living room and start politely discussing the latest movie and you ask your father in law if he would like some tea and crumpets.[/INDENT] Your version of real life is strangely at odds with how most people would describe relationships with relatives who’ve pissed them off and with whom they’ve gotten into fights. What generally goes on at actual gatherings between people who detest each other is an exchange of veiled barbs and insults which may or may not culminate in screaming matches and physical confrontations. The Dope works the same way, except that the screaming matches occur in a separate “room” and blood is rarely shed. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![iamnotbatman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/858c86/32.png) [@iamnotbatman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamnotbatman)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048/39 "2011-01-11T20:24:03Z")
Regardless of the particular analogy, the point is that IRL there are forums for which different social conventions apply. The same is true of the SDMB. In other words: nothing to see here, please move along. ---
**Author:** ![antonio107](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7ea924/32.png) [@antonio107](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/antonio107)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048/40 "2011-01-11T21:07:47Z")
The pit is an amusing notion. On other message boards I partake in, the general convention is for a mod on staff to decide who was at fault, and give their account a week or two or four of “vacation” to cool off. I suppose each has their merits and their drawbacks. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-it-with-the-bbq-pit-forum/567048.md?page=3)