# What is King Henry the Eighth holding in his hand in this painting? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [April 20, 2009, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693 "2009-04-20T02:50:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693/1 "2009-04-20T02:50:37Z")
Could someone please tell me what Henry VIII is holding in his right hand in [this painting?](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/45/Henry-VIII-kingofengland_1491-1547.jpg) It’s probably the most famous depiction of him. Yet I have never heard anyone talk about that thing in his hand. Is it a dildo? A banana? A dead eel or a piece of smoked fish? What the heck is that thing? ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693/2 "2009-04-20T02:51:31Z")
His gloves. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693/3 "2009-04-20T02:58:36Z")
Damn, how boring. I was hoping it would be something more strange. It’s much more obvious that it’s a pair of gloves in [this painting.](http://www.rarebookreview.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/henry_viii.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![fiddlesticks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiddlesticks/32/18129_2.png) [@fiddlesticks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fiddlesticks)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693/4 "2009-04-20T03:03:44Z")
Dear Tudor England, Your Henry VIII is ugly. Best, Showtime England ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693/5 "2009-04-20T03:54:41Z")
OK, now I want to ask, why did Henry VIII have (at least) _two_ pictures painted of himself holding his gloves? Was holding gloves a big thing in Tudor times? ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693/6 "2009-04-20T03:57:05Z")
Just noticed this text ad under this thread: > [@](#): > > **Unsatisfied Married Women** > These Women are Dying for a Real Man to Satisfy their Needs Henry might not be their best bet. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693/7 "2009-04-20T04:22:43Z")
Judging by his [suit of armor,](http://kylehandley.typepad.com/photos/test/img_1107.html) I think he would probably be able to satisfy them and then some. [Edward IV](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_IV_of_England), Christopher Walken lookalike and [psychedelic shirt aficionado](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Edward_IV_Plantagenet.jpg) was a notorious womanizer; he had no fewer than seven illegitimate children. (He also used to eat so much that he would throw up in order to keep eating.) If noses are any indication, [Francis I](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_I_of_France) of France was probably a big hit with the ladies. [Carlos II of Spain,](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carlos_II) on the other hand, couldn’t even get it up. Deformed and retarded, he was the end result of generations of Hapsburg inbreeding. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693/8 "2009-04-20T04:32:56Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > [Edward IV](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_IV_of_England), Christopher Walken lookalike and [psychedelic shirt aficionado](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Edward_IV_Plantagenet.jpg) was a notorious womanizer; he had no fewer than seven illegitimate children. (He also used to eat so much that he would throw up in order to keep eating.) Note that Edward IV was Henry VIII’s grandfather. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693/9 "2009-04-20T04:51:42Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > [Edward IV](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_IV_of_England), Christopher Walken lookalike and [psychedelic shirt aficionado](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Edward_IV_Plantagenet.jpg) was a notorious womanizer; he had no fewer than seven illegitimate children. (He also used to eat so much that he would throw up in order to keep eating.) Pfft. Effeminate wanker. [Henry I](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_I_of_England) had as many as **35** bastards ( wikipedia wusses out at 20-25, but other sources list more ). [“John the Babymaker”](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_II,_Duke_of_Cleves) ( and isn’t _that_ the absolute best nickname of all time ) had **63**. Finally [Augustus the Strong](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Augustus_the_Strong) may have numbered his progeny in the hundreds. Compared to these mighty sperm banks, Edward IV must perforce weep from inadequacy :p. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693/10 "2009-04-20T05:01:17Z")
Augustus…wow. > [@](#): > > ``` > * 1694-1696 with Countess Maria Aurora of Königsmarck. > * 1696-1699 with Countess Anna Aloysia Maximiliane von Lamberg. > * 1698-1704 with Ursula Katharina of Altenbockum, later Princess of Teschen. > * 1701-1706 with Fatima, Turkish woman, renamed later as Maria Anna of Spiegel. > * 1704-1713 with Anna Constantia of Brockdorff, later Countess of Cosel. > * 1706-1707 with Henriette Rénard. > * 1708 with Angélique Duparc, french dancer and actress. > * 1713-1719 with Maria Magdalena of Bielinski, by her first marriage Countess of Dönhoff and by the second Princess Lubomirska. > * 1720-1721 with Erdmuthe Sophie of Dieskau, by marriage of Loß > * 1721-1722 with Baroness Christine of Osterhausen, by marriage of Stanislawski. > * ?-? with Fredierike, a black woman. > > ``` A real progressive! ---
**Author:** ![rock\_party](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@rock\_party](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rock_party)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693/11 "2009-04-20T05:50:57Z")
Is it the poofy shirt or does Henry have some really broad shoulders? ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693/12 "2009-04-20T05:59:15Z")
> [@rock\_party](#): > > Is it the poofy shirt or does Henry have some really broad shoulders? There may be some padding (due to fabric and/or artistic licence). But many of the contemporary commentators noted the impressive physique of Henry, when he was in his prime. ---
**Author:** ![rock\_party](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@rock\_party](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rock_party)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693/13 "2009-04-20T06:06:10Z")
> [@](#): > > many of the contemporary commentators noted the impressive physique of Henry Lest they get their head chopped off! ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693/14 "2009-04-20T12:42:24Z")
Yes, holding your gloves became a standard detail in Renaissance/Baroque portraiture. Status symbol/sign of refinement. ---
**Author:** ![justrob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a9adbd/32.png) [@justrob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justrob)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693/15 "2009-04-20T13:16:27Z")
> [@Cunctator](#): > > There may be some padding (due to fabric and/or artistic licence). But many of the contemporary commentators noted the impressive physique of Henry, when he was in his prime. The digrams at the bottom of this article certainly show his growth. > **[A life in armour: how Henry VIII grew from L to XXXL](https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2009/apr/01/heritage-monarchy-henry-viii)** > > Close-fitting combat dress at anniversary display shows Henry VIII's ballooning figure A friend of mine had a large format poster poster of his last suit of armour. It was quite impressive. I would like to see one that has his various suits in order showing the progress. ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693/16 "2009-04-20T13:24:48Z")
So he has his glove in one hand and his dirk in the other? ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693/17 "2009-04-20T14:44:31Z")
> [@UncleRojelio](#): > > So he has his glove in one hand and his dirk in the other? Are we talking about Michael Jackson? ---
**Author:** ![Oswald\_Bastable](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oswald_bastable/32/214_2.png) [@Oswald\_Bastable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oswald_Bastable)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693/18 "2009-04-20T15:13:29Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > Note that Edward IV was Henry VIII’s grandfather. No, he wasn’t. Henry VIII’s grandfather was Edmund Tudor, Earl of Richmond. Edward IV was the older brother of Richard III, who Henry VIII’s father, Henry Tudor (later VII), deposed at the Battle of Bosworth. Edward IV had no (legitimate) grandchildren due to his brother (probably) offing his only two legitimate sons (the Princes in the Tower and all that jazz). The Tudor claim to the throne derived from John of Gaunt, third son of Edward III, and Henry VIII’s great-great-great-grandfather. OB ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693/19 "2009-04-20T15:19:17Z")
> [@capybara](#): > > Yes, holding your gloves became a standard detail in Renaissance/Baroque portraiture. Status symbol/sign of refinement. Kid gloves were considered the acme of luxury. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693/20 "2009-04-20T15:19:56Z")
> [@Oswald\_Bastable](#): > > [QUOTE=Northern Piper] > > Note that Edward IV was Henry VIII’s grandfather. No, he wasn’t. Henry VIII’s grandfather was Edmund Tudor, Earl of Richmond. [/QUOTE] Everyone has two grandfathers, right? Paternal and maternal. Henry VII married [Elizabeth of York](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elizabeth_of_York#Children), daughter of Edward IV. Her second son by Henry VII was Henry, Duke of York, who succeeded to the throne as Henry VIII. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-king-henry-the-eighth-holding-in-his-hand-in-this-painting/493693.md?page=2)