# What is love? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 5, 2003, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696 "2003-01-05T01:10:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ZOmegaZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ebca7d/32.png) [@ZOmegaZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZOmegaZ)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696/1 "2003-01-05T01:10:37Z")
I’d like to see your definition or definitions of “love”. When you say that you love your parents, your spouse, your kids, or a total stranger, what do you mean? How does this affect your thoughts or actions? ---
**Author:** ![Meros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Meros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meros)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696/2 "2003-01-05T01:21:15Z")
Love is patient Love is kind Love does not envy Love does not boast, it is not proud it is not rude, it is not self-seeking. Love is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. –I Corinthians 13:4-8a There may be some who will get their hackles up because I opted to quote the Bible but I think many will agree this is a very accurate and complete defintion for love in its most basic form. To go further, the greeks had two words for love, _eros_ and _agape_ the first being the word meaning passionate and physical love, the second being the kind descibed above. The love between a man and a woman, (man or woman and his/her SO) should be a combination of both these kinds of love, without one or the other the relationship is doomed to failure. The love for a parent to their child is agape love to its full extent. A parent will not think twice of giving their ife for a child while they may give some thought to giving the ultimate sacrifice for any other person. Personally, I try to let it influence all of my dealings with people. The golden rule, though very old, applies in all situations and I have yet to see it fail me. ---
**Author:** ![wolfstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d6d6ee/32.png) [@wolfstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfstu)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696/3 "2003-01-05T01:28:32Z")
Hi, there, **ZOmegaZ**. This might actually turn into a fairly succesful thread, if put in the right place. According to the forum descriptions on the SDMB Front Page, this forun, “General Questions”, is for asking questions of a factual nature. Like “Why do so many Canadians speak French” or “How do bees make honey?” A question like this is more of a poll about the nature of love, (In my opinion), so don’t be surprised if a Moderator moves this thread to the “In My Humble Opinion” forum, which, among other things, is the place for polling. With experience, and reading a lot of threads, you’ll get the hang of the different fora, and post your questiosn in the appropriate places. Which is good, because the Moderators _love_ that. From what I can tell, love is a biochemical reaction that’s been selected for through the eons that promotes reproduction. Not needing children at the moment, I don’t have much use for it. Yor Mileage May Vary. ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696/4 "2003-01-05T01:34:46Z")
Here is his factual answer, from Dictionary.com: love ( P ) Pronunciation Key (lv) n. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance. Sexual passion. Sexual intercourse. A love affair. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment. An expression of one’s affection: Send him my love. A strong predilection or enthusiasm: a love of language. The object of such an enthusiasm: The outdoors is her greatest love. Love Mythology. Eros or Cupid. often Love Christianity. Charity. Sports. A zero score in tennis. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ZOmegaZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ebca7d/32.png) [@ZOmegaZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZOmegaZ)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696/5 "2003-01-05T01:48:24Z")
Well, frell. I MEANT to post this elsewhere. I specifically thought, “Hmm, not a factual question, must belong somewhere else…” Please do move it if need be. 🙂 I’m glad this thread seems to be off to a fast start, but I’d like to clarify something. I know the dictionary definitions, and I know the Biblical definitions. I want YOUR definitions. What do YOU mean when you say you love someone? How does that affect the way YOU act? ---
**Author:** ![Meros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Meros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meros)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696/6 "2003-01-05T01:52:42Z")
What I mean when I tell someone I love them is all of the above, plus. When I say it its a promise from me that no matter what I will strive to put their best interests in mind, even to the point of self-sacrifice. It is a pledge that all I have is theirs to share with me. That I will always be there, and that even if years go by, they will not be forgotten, and will always be welcomed back. The Biblical definition to me is the definition. It’s what I try to live my life based upon and what I strive to especially base my relationships with people on. No easy task, for anyone, but certanly something to shoot for. ---
**Author:** ![bibliophage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bibliophage/32/7615_2.png) [@bibliophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bibliophage)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696/7 "2003-01-05T03:13:08Z")
Off to IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696/8 "2003-01-05T03:20:02Z")
I don’t think it exists. ---
**Author:** ![vasyachkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c5a1d2/32.png) [@vasyachkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vasyachkin)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696/9 "2003-01-05T03:33:25Z")
is a desperate state of loneliness ? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696/10 "2003-01-05T03:40:24Z")
Actually, the Greeks distinguished four kinds of love: Agape and Eros, which have been covered here, Philia – companionate love, as between close friends, and Storge, the love of the familiar, of one’s family, and of one’s child. Theologians have used this classification to discuss love; [www.12stepworkbook.org/pub/BK2DOC/21\_Four\_Loves.doc+storge&hl=en&ie=UTF-8](http://216.239.57.100/search?q=cache:6EtYuvGhVbcC:%5Burl)"]this site offers a passable summary of the four kinds, their similarities and differences. ---
**Author:** ![NotBob13](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e19b73/32.png) [@NotBob13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NotBob13)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696/11 "2003-01-05T04:19:02Z")
I use Love to mean: Putting someone elses happiness above my own. I stole this from Robert A. Heilein. But it is the perfect definition. I can say I love my wife, and my grandparents, and my sisters. But sadly enough, I don’t love anyone else, including the rest of my family. I do like the rest of my family, mostly, but not enogh to say I love them. ---
**Author:** ![XJETGIRLX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9fc29f/32.png) [@XJETGIRLX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XJETGIRLX)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696/12 "2003-01-05T05:24:01Z")
> [@](#): > > Then said Almitra, “Speak to us of Love.” > > And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said: > > When love beckons to you follow him, > > Though his ways are hard and steep. > > And when his wings enfold you yield to him, > > Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. > > And when he speaks to you believe in him, > > Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. > > For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. > > Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, > > So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth. > > … > > Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. > > Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; > > For love is sufficient unto love. > > Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself. [Kahlil Gibran,_The Prophet_](http://www.columbia.edu/~gm84/gibran2.html) ---
**Author:** ![Alex\_Dubinsky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dbc845/32.png) [@Alex\_Dubinsky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alex_Dubinsky)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696/13 "2003-01-05T06:38:55Z")
I prefer the dull, scientific, evolutionary psychology view on love. The feeling of love (eros) – that is, an incredible yearning, desire, etc. for a particular person – is the conscious manifestation of a basic instinctual desire. This analysis can be divided into two parts: What determines whom we love, and why do we feel the emotion associated with it once we find such a person. The object of our love is, obviously, the person deemed to be the most ‘fit’ mate that we are capable of attaining. ‘Fitness’ includes qualities of heredity, health, and capacity to raise young. Hereditary and health are mostly determined by appearance. For example, the face and skin are clear indicators of disease, and is one reason why they are so esteemed. Capacity to raise young is mostly determined by personality, but also includes physical characteristics that would provide food and protection for the family. Obviously, most people or organisms are not themselves most admired by the most fit individuals, and so everyone, unfortunately, has to settle for the individual who would also settle in return. To attempt to find the most fit individual out of those who would consent to become mates with you (that is, finding the hottest girl who would go out with you) is the basic driving factor. It is why people flirt (they test thresholds), and is why serious love usually does not develop unrequited for unachievable people (teenage infatuations aside), but instead develops steadily and mutually. Love serves the function of a bond between a pair of individuals, chosen to maximize potential to pass on genes. In some ways, it resembles the free market economic system, in which everyone wants what they can’t have but end up settling on the most efficient investment. As for the emotion of love, it is, as I said before, the conscious manifestation of a subconscious, instinctual desire. This is the same way hunger, cravings, and addictions are also conscious manifestations of subconscious desires. ‘Subconscious’, however, I use loosely to mean anything not directly controlled by or part of our consciousness. It has even been shown that the desire for a man to look at a beautiful woman spawns in the same region of the brain as do addictions. People sometimes say that they are not ruled by animal instincts. However, those instincts still exist but simply manifest themselves as conscious yearnings that we usually tend to follow, or sometimes even as emotional throes that we are usually helpless to resist. This instinct-controlling-us-through-powerful-emotions is clearly evident not just in love, but also in things like ‘maternal instinct’, fight-or-flight, etc. ---
**Author:** ![JerseyDiamond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8491ac/32.png) [@JerseyDiamond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerseyDiamond)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696/14 "2003-01-05T07:21:01Z")
Funny thing. I once asked my husband that very question, (just being silly) and his reply was, “love, is what keeps me from choking you”. I thought that was great. Now it’s an on going joke. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Kbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kbean)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696/15 "2003-01-05T20:35:45Z")
…baby don’t hurt me… (could not resist!) ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2003, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696/16 "2003-01-06T05:52:08Z")
Love: when and your SO are only going to get 4 hours of sleep, max, have important plans for the next day, and you’re sicker than hell. You feel like clawing your face out, it hurts so badly, and you try not to make any sound, so your SO can sleep. One quiet wimper escapes, though, as you’re both trying to sleep, and you’re in that miserable land between sleep and awake. It’s barely audible. When your SO–who has ears sharper than any dog or bat when it comes to the sounds of your suffering–chooses to spend the rest of the “night” (all 3.15 hours of it) comforting you and holding you instead of sleeping, knowing from your half-coherent sleep-talk that you’re probably not going to remember it in the morning…that’s love. ---
**Author:** ![Grelby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a5b964/32.png) [@Grelby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grelby)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2003, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696/17 "2003-01-06T06:03:54Z")
Love is a baseball bat to the back of the head. But in a _good_ way. I know from recent experience. ---
**Author:** ![erislover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/71e660/32.png) [@erislover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erislover)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2003, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696/18 "2003-01-06T18:19:18Z")
Love is when a person means as much to you as you do to yourself. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2003, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696/19 "2003-01-06T18:40:35Z")
It’s like, when you totally want to bang a chick. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2003, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/146696/20 "2003-01-06T18:54:56Z")
No, seriously, I don’t know what love is. I used to think about it a lot, but I don’t much anymore. I know I’ve felt it a few times, and it was different every time. (I’m talking exclusively about man/woman love here, YMMV). The weirdest love I ever felt was this “Platonic” love I felt for a woman I once knew. It was so pure, so perfect, that I couldn’t imagine her in a sexual way. I imagine that would’ve been a problem if we had tried to have a relationship, but we were just friends. Still, I would have followed her anywhere in the world, married her, whatever you want. Then there was a woman that I had such an intense, overwhelming desire for. There was no accounting for it whatsoever, it was more than just a “she’s hot” kind of thing, it was like an erotic obsession of some kind. But she was bad for me, and I knew I had to get away. We actually did have a relationship, but it was doomed from the start. Still, I have no more problem saying “I was in love with her” than I would have saying the same thing about the first woman, even though they were two totally different experiences.