# What is LOVE? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 17, 2003, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425 "2003-12-17T00:14:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Carlos619](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6bbea6/32.png) [@Carlos619](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carlos619)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425/1 "2003-12-17T00:14:29Z")
The physical symptoms and emotional symptoms of love are vague. Can you help me explain to my GF what love is? I know I can’t:smack: ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425/2 "2003-12-17T00:20:56Z")
“First, your heart jumps up and falls into your stomach and splashes into your innards. All the moisture makes you sweat profusely. This condensation shorts the circuits to your brain, and you get all woozy. When your brain burns out altogether, your mouth disengages and you babble like a cretin.”–Hobbes ---
**Author:** ![Carlos619](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6bbea6/32.png) [@Carlos619](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carlos619)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425/3 "2003-12-17T00:32:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GMRyujin \* > \*\*“First, your heart jumps up and falls into your stomach and splashes into your innards. All the moisture makes you sweat profusely. This condensation shorts the circuits to your brain, and you get all woozy. When your brain burns out altogether, your mouth disengages and you babble like a cretin.”–Hobbes \*\* That’s wonderful. Now can you give me a scientific explaination please? To me it’s an extreme passion for something, almost uncontrollable desire. ---
**Author:** ![CADOp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5e925/32.png) [@CADOp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CADOp)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425/4 "2003-12-17T00:54:27Z")
…baby, don’t hurt me don’t hurt me no more ---
**Author:** ![Ms2001](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ms2001/32/18463_2.png) [@Ms2001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms2001)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425/5 "2003-12-17T00:55:00Z")
Baby, don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me, no more. [This page](http://teenadvice.about.com/library/weekly/aa122002a.htm) might be helpful: > [@](#): > > There is no easy way to find the truth behind your feelings or the feelings of another person but there are some tell-tale signs that love is blooming (or growing deeper). If you agree with 7 of the following 9 statements you are probably in love. > > 1. You know, because you have been told by your significant other, that your deep feelings are returned in kind. > 2. The object of your affections makes you feel special and good about yourself. > 3. If/when you feel jealous it is always fleeting; you trust your partner not to betray you or hurt your relationship. > 4. Nothing makes you feel as serene as when you and your partner are together. > 5. When you fight with your partner you usually make up within a few hours and you always agree that nothing is more important than you both being able to express your true feelings (even if they sometimes cause conflict). > 6. Your partner never asks you to choose between him/her and your loyalties to your family and friends - if you do choose him/her over them you always have a good reason and it is always YOUR decision, and your decision alone. > 7. Neither you or your partner feel the need to test the other’s loyalties or feelings. > 8. You are more yourself when with your partner than you are with anybody else. > 9. If sex is part of your relationship it is by mutual desire and agreement without the slightest hint of commitment testing or persuasion. ---
**Author:** ![Gmork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f19dbf/32.png) [@Gmork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gmork)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425/6 "2003-12-17T01:02:13Z")
The scientific explanation seems to have lots to do with chemical reactions, pheremones and the like. I’m not well versed in it. Seriously, I think love means something a little different to every individual person. There’s no universal definition. There are also varying types of love depending on the relationship IE: Family/Lover/Friends/Pets/Favourite Band 😉 If you’re having trouble wording what it means to you and getting it across to your GF, trying writing it down. If it still doesn’t sound right, grab a dictionary and a thesaurus and look for the words that most closely match your feelings. I’d say you could post it here on the SDMB and see what some of our clever fellow-dopers think - but a) it might be too private for you to be comfortable b) we have no way of knowing what you want to say, hence might not make great proof readers. But anyway, even if it isn’t very good, I bet she’ll be happy that you tried. I certainly would be 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425/7 "2003-12-17T01:57:36Z")
I think looking for a scientific explanation is probably barking up the wrong tree. I think that trying to explain love to your girlfriend is, also. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425/8 "2003-12-17T02:18:37Z")
Robert Heinlein once defined love as… “That state of being where another’s happiness and well-being are _absolutely_ essential to your own.” That always kind of summed it up for me. ---
**Author:** ![Trigonal\_Planar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/0ea827/32.png) [@Trigonal\_Planar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trigonal_Planar)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425/9 "2003-12-17T02:47:21Z")
I can just see it now… [dressed in lab coat, with dorky glasses on and a large calculuator in pocket] At last, honey, I have determined how to mathematically calculuate love. I call it the love quotient. First, we integrate the net sum of money expended between the two subjects with respect to number of days they have been together. From this value we can derive an expression that can model their future lives together. More iterations will result in a more accurate prediction. See here. I’ve been running my computational love analyzer for 5 hours and 13 minutes. This yields a 93% accuracy and we can see that the graph indicates a rapid divergence from further sexual intercourse. ---
**Author:** ![Redsland](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9de0a6/32.png) [@Redsland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redsland)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425/10 "2003-12-17T04:47:06Z")
Is there a love particle? Does anyone know what it tastes like? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DarrenS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@DarrenS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarrenS)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425/11 "2003-12-17T05:54:10Z")
Definitely an IMHO thing. “Love is a cruel trick played on us to achieve perpetuation of the species.” ---
**Author:** ![John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ccd318/32.png) [@John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Kentzel-Griffin)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425/12 "2003-12-17T06:02:14Z")
Off to IMHO. **DrMatrix** - GQ Moderator ---
**Author:** ![Nurobath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a88e57/32.png) [@Nurobath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nurobath)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425/13 "2003-12-17T08:10:49Z")
Love tastes like dill pickles. It’s true…really. Love makes you comfortable. ---
**Author:** ![Honeydew\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e19b73/32.png) [@Honeydew\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honeydew_1)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425/14 "2003-12-17T11:49:31Z")
It’s where the other person makes you feel the best you can ever feel; when you can’t imagine living without the other; when she/he hurts, you hurt too; when the best thing in the day is being with them; when you see/experience something and your first thought is wanting to share it with them; when you’re all butterflies in your tummy before you see them - even if you’re together for years; when they are the centre of your universe; when you’d lay down your life for them. IMHO of course 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425/15 "2003-12-17T12:39:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CADOp \* > \*\*…baby, don’t hurt me > don’t hurt me > no more \*\* _does the Roxbury Guys dance_ ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Serpentine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3be4f8/32.png) [@Silver\_Serpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Serpentine)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425/16 "2003-12-17T13:04:03Z")
I agree with **Honeydew** on that. Pretty much covers it. Good job. ---
**Author:** ![zephyrine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/35a633/32.png) [@zephyrine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zephyrine)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425/17 "2003-12-17T13:11:02Z")
I’d add that you know it’s love when you’ve got past the “he/she is perfect” stage: you can see all their faults, and it just doesn’t matter. You can’t love someone without loving the bad bits, too. And that’s why BEING loved is so satisfying; you can just be yourself, and know that’s exactly what the other person wants. ---
**Author:** ![Jennyrosity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@Jennyrosity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennyrosity)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425/18 "2003-12-17T13:26:04Z")
I second that. I realised it was the real thing with my fella when I found that I loved him for exactly who he is, and had no desire to change him in any way. I love his compassion, his gentle soul and his honesty, and couldn’t care less that he’s not the coolest/best-looking/best-dressed. In the past superficial things like that mattered to me, but when you really love someone, it isn’t because of the packaging. ---
**Author:** ![hypnoboth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/bb73d2/32.png) [@hypnoboth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hypnoboth)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425/19 "2003-12-17T13:45:47Z")
You realize whole books have been written on this, don’t you? In fact, I recommend “The Four Loves”, by C.S. Lewis. Christian bias, of course. What do you expect from C.S. Lewis? ---
**Author:** ![A\_Curious\_Writer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@A\_Curious\_Writer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_Curious_Writer)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425/20 "2003-12-17T13:56:52Z")
The Greeks had 4 words for love: 1. Eros, more like lust, really. That’s the physical, the mere outward apeparance. Zephyrine alludes to this with the comment about the “he/she is perfect” stage. 2. phileo, a very deep friendship, a “friend that sticketh closer than a brother,” who you can “love more than your own soul” if it’s real close (quotes from the Bible.) You still want what’s best for the other person, and would do anything for them,b ut it’s not the real family love; Heinlein’s quote it in this sometimes, though. Phileo is like the friendship I had with a girl in grade school; we never pretended to be husband and wife, but I thought someday I mightmarry her, yet I cared enough to know it was her choice, and I always hoped and prayed for the best for her after she moved away late in 5th grade. When I learned of her successful marriage and other stuff recently I was so happy for her, and that made me happy, too. (The song “The Diary” by Bread, I think it is, is a perfect song for us.) 3. Skorge: That’s the familial love, the love that’s so deep…well, Honeydew hits the nail on the head, though I also like the quote Mr.2001 found, and Heinlein’s goes in here, too. It’s the kind where you’d go throught he worst torture if caught by the Gestapo and yet not reveal your loved one’s secret escape route so they can reach freedom. That’s how I’d describe it. 4. Agape: I think only God can give this kind, as it’s so deep, yet is given before the other person loves back. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/219425.md?page=2)