# What is "Love"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 5, 2006, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980 "2006-12-05T20:55:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ticker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d07c76/32.png) [@ticker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ticker)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980/1 "2006-12-05T20:55:40Z")
This ancient question is one which has been occupying my thoughts somewhat recently. I am searching for a concise definition which can account for all kinds of love, ranging from the simple love for a friend, the deep but sometimes ambiguous love for family, all the way up to that all-consuming love for ‘the one’. I feel that I have made some progress, though as yet I have been unable to state it satisfactorily. My idea is based on the notion that our overarching goal in life is to improve, or at least maintain, happiness and well-being. Love then, is where that goal can be satisfied through the happiness and well-being of another, not just ourselves. The more I love someone the more their well-being satisfies my goal and so the more I am willing to sacrifice in order to make them happy. I would appreciate any other insights into the nature of Love, as well as criticisms of my own effort. ---
**Author:** ![mr.jp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@mr.jp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.jp)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980/2 "2006-12-05T21:21:21Z")
Baby don’t “hurt me”. Dont “hurt me”. “No more”. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980/3 "2006-12-05T21:30:40Z")
_Love is the flower you’ve got to let grow._ **John Lennon** ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980/4 "2006-12-05T21:35:40Z")
[QUOTE=mr. jp] Baby don’t “hurt me”. Dont “hurt me”. “No more”. [/QUOTE] Oh good. It’s not just me. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980/5 "2006-12-05T21:36:46Z")
[QUOTE=mr. jp] Baby don’t “hurt me”. Dont “hurt me”. “No more”. [/QUOTE] Darn you!!! As to the OP, I like your train of thought, except that loving another doesn’t necessarially lead to an increase in their well-being; that is entirely dependant on how you express that love, and how that person reacts to it. Sometimes, experiencing love for someone does not at all help our own well-being. I’m thinking, in an extreme example, of women who love husbands who beat them and otherwise treat them like second-class citizens. ---
**Author:** ![Alistair\_McCello](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/58956e/32.png) [@Alistair\_McCello](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alistair_McCello)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980/6 "2006-12-05T21:38:21Z")
> [@Percy Bysshe Shelley](#): > > It is that powerful attraction towards > all that we conceive, or fear, or hope beyond ourselves, when we > find within our own thoughts the chasm of an insufficient void, > and seek to awaken in all things that are, a community with what we > experience within ourselves. If we reason, we would be understood; > if we imagine, we would that the airy children of our brain were > born anew within another’s; if we feel, we would that another’s > nerves should vibrate to our own, that the beams of their eyes > should kindle at once and mix and melt into our own, that lips of > motionless ice should not reply to lips quivering and burning with > the heart’s best blood. This is Love. From [A Defence of Poetry and Other Essays](http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext04/adpoe10.txt) ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980/7 "2006-12-05T21:40:01Z")
[QUOTE=Dung Beetle] Oh good. It’s not just me. [/QUOTE] Or me. :smack: WARNING: Religion-based definition: Love is wanting for others what God wants for them. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980/8 "2006-12-05T21:49:10Z")
Nothing in Tennis (4 letters) ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980/9 "2006-12-05T21:59:04Z")
I wrote and re-wrote a response five or six times, filling several pages. It won’t do, damnit. Love is madness, madness is happiness, revel in it. Love everybody just a little bit and you’ll be mad, mad, mad forever. That’s all I’ve got. And damn, it’s _stupid_. ---
**Author:** ![Autumn\_Almanac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d26b3c/32.png) [@Autumn\_Almanac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autumn_Almanac)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980/10 "2006-12-05T22:01:34Z")
[QUOTE=Dung Beetle] It’s not just me. [/QUOTE] Ah, or me. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980/11 "2006-12-05T22:26:10Z")
A little death with no mourning no call, and no warning. A dangerous Idea … that almost makes sense. Love is a light that dims over time. While it shines, you see the things you will not be able to find when it goes out. Love is what teaches that ignorance is bliss even as it peels away the shroud of ignorance. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980/12 "2006-12-06T00:12:24Z")
Love is a state of mind where your happiness is dependent on someone else’s happiness. Hey, it works for me. ---
**Author:** ![by-tor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/by-tor/32/266_2.png) [@by-tor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/by-tor)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980/13 "2006-12-06T00:33:48Z")
Love is a neurochemical trick to get you to mate, raise your offspring and to stay integrated in your local tribe/society/herd/pack. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980/14 "2006-12-06T01:40:40Z")
[QUOTE=by-tor] Love is a neurochemical trick to get you to mate, raise your offspring and to stay integrated in your local tribe/society/herd/pack. [/QUOTE] And this is a problem in what way? We’re _made_ of neurochemistry. And regular chemistry. And physics. And other gooshy stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980/15 "2006-12-06T01:43:00Z")
[QUOTE=Autumn Almanac] Ah, or me. [/QUOTE] Or me. Dammit, that was the only reason I opened this thread… ---
**Author:** ![by-tor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/by-tor/32/266_2.png) [@by-tor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/by-tor)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980/16 "2006-12-06T03:04:38Z")
Sunspace, I did not say it was a problem, I said it was a trick. It does bring up some questions concerning freewill. There is also the question of if you can truly love someone or are you loving an emotional/mental representation of them that resides in your brain. ---
**Author:** ![Common\_Tater](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/common_tater/32/13846_2.png) [@Common\_Tater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Common_Tater)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980/17 "2006-12-06T03:07:57Z")
Love Is A Many Splendored Thing… ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980/18 "2006-12-06T03:12:56Z")
Love Ain’t Nothing But Sex Misspelled _–Harlan Ellison_ ---
**Author:** ![Frosted\_Glass](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frosted_glass/32/3926_2.png) [@Frosted\_Glass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frosted_Glass)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980/19 "2006-12-06T03:17:39Z")
Never having to say I’m sorry. [QUOTE=Common Tater] Love Is A Many Splendored Thing… [/QUOTE] Anyone else here that in an off key karaoke voice? No, ok just me then. ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980/20 "2006-12-06T03:23:43Z")
_Love Is_ two naked eight-year-olds that are married. (Wow, there really is a _Simpsons_ quote for everything.) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-love/382980.md?page=2)