# What is romance? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [June 2, 2017, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-romance/787957 "2017-06-02T20:44:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2017, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-romance/787957/1 "2017-06-02T20:44:53Z")
If someone feels the desire for a long-term exclusive emotional bond, but not in a sexual context, is that romance? Is that what they mean by romantic asexuals? What if it’s not even in a dating context? What if the person just wants to live as a family with a like-minded friend? What if this emotional need can be filled by someone it would be abhorrent to be attracted to in _that_ way, like a brother or a dog? If any of these are not romance, then what are they? ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2017, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-romance/787957/2 "2017-06-02T20:51:50Z")
I’m resisting the urge to copy/paste a dictionary definition. In my personal opinion, as Definer Of Things For The World, the term ‘romance’ is speaking specifically about pair bonding with a life partner. This does not necessarily include or involve sex (though in the vast, vast majority of cases it does), but it does exclude your relationships with both your family members (hopefully) and also your bros at the bar. It would also exclude that like-minded friend you mentioned - if you want to live them them as family rather than as a life partner, you’ll probably avoid behaviors you think of as “romantic”. And I would call those other types of friendships and bonds “friendships” or “bonds”. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2017, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-romance/787957/3 "2017-06-02T21:34:24Z")
I think of romance as involving passion – pretty much my core definition no matter which type of “romance”. Which is why the outdoors, for instance, can be romantic if it inspires strong feelings. A long-term exclusive emotional bond is not necessarily passionate. Although it can be, even sometimes if it is only platonic, although I’d say that’s rare. ---
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2017, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-romance/787957/4 "2017-06-02T21:58:46Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > If someone feels the desire for a long-term exclusive emotional bond, but not in a sexual context, is that romance? Is that what they mean by romantic asexuals? What if it’s not even in a dating context? What if the person just wants to live as a family with a like-minded friend? What if this emotional need can be filled by someone it would be abhorrent to be attracted to in _that_ way, like a brother or a dog? If any of these are not romance, then what are they? Attachment? ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2017, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-romance/787957/5 "2017-06-02T22:05:57Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > What if this emotional need can be filled by someone it would be abhorrent to be attracted to in _that_ way, like a brother or a dog? If any of these are not romance, then what are they? Why do you think the term “bromance” was invented? It does serve a purpose. We can feel strong, long-lasting emotional bonds with people without wanting to have sex with them. I mean, most people don’t want to have sex with their children, but who doesn’t passionately love them? ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2017, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-romance/787957/6 "2017-06-02T22:21:21Z")
Most people’s children move out. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2017, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-romance/787957/7 "2017-06-02T22:36:15Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > Most people’s children move out. You just made me nostalgic for the good old days. Not that I live at home, or have a kid who lives at home, but thanks to my brother’s situation my parents are getting lots of opportunities to get to know their granddaughter. Er, non-romantically. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2017, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-romance/787957/8 "2017-06-02T23:40:03Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > Most people’s children move out. So do most spouses. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/channing_idaho_banks/32/250_2.png) [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Channing_Idaho_Banks)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2017, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-romance/787957/9 "2017-06-03T00:32:49Z")
It means going out of your way to do something that the other person would like, like giving the Russians back their compounds. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2017, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-romance/787957/10 "2017-06-04T02:40:13Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > So do most spouses. 🙂 While humorous, this promotes a belief in a situation that actually never happened. Even when divorces in the U.S. approached, (never exceeded), 50% of marriages, many of the divorce statistics involved serial matrimony in which a certain number of people repeatedly married, divorced, and married again. However, that limited group of people with multiple marriages never came close to half of the population. ---
**Author:** ![igor\_frankensteen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/839c29/32.png) [@igor\_frankensteen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/igor_frankensteen)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2017, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-romance/787957/11 "2017-06-07T03:17:02Z")
Romance is whatever a person thinks it is. Heck, some guy tried to marry a laptop recently. Allegedly. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2017, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-romance/787957/12 "2017-06-09T13:12:02Z")
Read C.S. Lewis’ _[The Four Loves](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Four_Loves)_ for an examination of the different kinds of love, of which romance is one. The four kinds are Affection, Friendship, Eros, and Charity. Eros is roughly synonymous with romance. Two or three or all four kinds can be combined in a given relationship. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2017, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-romance/787957/13 "2017-06-09T13:43:23Z")
Baby don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me. No more. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2017, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-romance/787957/14 "2017-06-09T14:00:32Z")
Ooh, ooh yeah Ooh, ooh, ooh yeah ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2017, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-romance/787957/15 "2017-06-09T16:06:55Z")
[Five feet of heaven in a ponytail](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5-HHxwoa98).