# What is sex?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [December 30, 2005, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671 "2005-12-30T02:05:52Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@spankari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spankari)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2005, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671/1 "2005-12-30T02:05:52Z")
When someone asks how many people you’ve had sex with, would you count all sexual encounters or just the ones where penetration is involved? I tend to omit anything from my list that doesn’t involve penetration (such as oral sex). What does everyone else count when asked what her or his sex partner number is?
---
### Author:  [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2005, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671/2 "2005-12-30T02:14:59Z")
I would count any time you gave or received sexual gratification.
But that’s me.
---
### Author:  [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2005, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671/3 "2005-12-30T02:17:52Z")
Well gosh, if I didn’t count it as sex unless there’s penetration involved, then my count would drop dramatically since I wouldn’t be able to count the women I’ve had sex with. Oh, and some of the guys, too. Basically, if somebody comes intentionally, it’s sex as far as I’m concerned.
Penetration is an arbitrary, silly dividing line. Especially since M/F or M/M oral sex does involve penetration, just not of the usual orifice. How about penetration with fingers? Toys? It’s not all about the dick, ya know…
---
### Author:  [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2005, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671/4 "2005-12-30T02:19:27Z")
If asked that question, I would respond the same way as the OP.
---
### Author:  [@ZebraShaSha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZebraShaSha)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2005, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671/5 "2005-12-30T02:29:14Z")
I’ll be the first to make the reference:
Dante: You said you only had sex with three different guys; you never mentioned him!
Veronica: Because I never HAD sex with him.
Dante: You sucked his dick!
For me, I think it all depends, really. My answer wouldn’t change, so it really doesn’t matter.
---
### Author:  [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2005, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671/6 "2005-12-30T04:22:03Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#):
>
> I would count any time you gave or received sexual gratification.
> But that’s me.
Close enough to my definition to count.
---
### Author:  [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2005, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671/7 "2005-12-30T04:27:01Z")
So lesbians never have sex with _anybody_?
---
### Author:  [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2005, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671/8 "2005-12-30T04:48:29Z")
> [@Anastasaeon](#):
>
> So lesbians never have sex with _anybody_?
Not unless they use strap ons, in which case they run afoul of the Lesbian Mafia who will involve them in the endless debate over whether or not using rubber penises buys into the patriarchal paradigm that enslaves women blah blah blah…
Penetration, schmenetration. I defy anyone to watch my SO going down on me and then try to tell us we didn’t just have sex. Mr. Aleq would probably rub their noses into the wet spots he leaves at the end of the bed–look ma, no hands!
Disclaimer: The above paragraph is informational only and no invitation is expressed or implied… 😉
---
### Author:  [@Dead\_Flowers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Flowers)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2005, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671/9 "2005-12-30T05:59:35Z")
Thirty-Seven?
Slurp-Slurp-Slurp
---
### Author:  [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2005, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671/10 "2005-12-30T07:07:01Z")
I tend to use \*\*Mr. Blue Sky’s \*\* definition, unless lower numbers are needed. In that case it goes by penetration.
Didn’t the House of Representatives have a pretty inclusive definition a few years ago? 😃
---
### Author:  [@spankari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spankari)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2005, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671/11 "2005-12-30T08:11:51Z")
> [@silenus](#):
>
> I tend to use \*\*Mr. Blue Sky’s \*\* definition, unless lower numbers are needed. In that case it goes by penetration.
>
> Didn’t the House of Representatives have a pretty inclusive definition a few years ago? 😃
So you tend to use different numbers then, depending on whether you’re talking to your friends or with a siginificant other?
---
### Author:  [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2005, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671/12 "2005-12-30T08:17:47Z")
It depends. If I came out of the encounter frustrated, no. If I came out disappointed, yes.
---
### Author:  [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2005, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671/13 "2005-12-30T08:42:18Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#):
>
> It depends. If I came out of the encounter frustrated, no. If I came out disappointed, yes.
_Perfect._😃
---
### Author:  [@metj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/metj)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2005, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671/14 "2005-12-30T13:39:25Z")
> [@](#):
>
> It depends. If I came out of the encounter frustrated, no. If I came out disappointed, yes.
Well in that case I was a virgin until I was married! Brilliant!
---
### Author:  [@metj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/metj)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2005, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671/15 "2005-12-30T13:40:28Z")
Hm, it seems I read that wrong. Ignore please… :smack:
---
### Author:  [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2005, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671/16 "2005-12-30T14:48:44Z")
I might clarify w/ penatration (with the correct parts in the correct places), and other ‘sexual activities’, or ask them to define what they consider ‘sex’ actually entails.
> [@](#):
>
> So lesbians never have sex with anybody?
I wouldn’t say never but it would require a man 😉
There really is no good word for ‘sexual activities’ with out P/V penetration, the words ‘sodomy’ and ‘foreplay’ come to mind but neither really nails it.
I guess you can describe it (oral, anal, mutual masterbation)
---
### Author:  [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2005, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671/17 "2005-12-30T15:25:13Z")
When someone asks \*me \* how many people I’ve had sex with, I ask to see the subpoena.
Seriously, though… the definition of “sex”? I’m pretty much of the “where ever two or more of you are gathered in it’s name” school of thought. If more than one person participates in an act that culminates in orgasm, that’s sex.
---
### Author:  [@JSexton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JSexton)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2005, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671/18 "2005-12-30T16:54:35Z")
> [@DianaG](#):
>
> Seriously, though… the definition of “sex”? I’m pretty much of the “where ever two or more of you are gathered in it’s name” school of thought. If more than one person participates in an act that culminates in orgasm, that’s sex.
Is orgasm necessary, though? I had an encounter once that involved penetration for a good twenty minutes. We were both a bit drunk, though, and it just wasn’t happening for either one of us. We both knew it,. and stopped, and went to sleep. No orgasm or her part of mine, but I’m pretty sure I had sex that night.
It’s awfully nebulous.
---
### Author:  [@D.E.S.K.Top668](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D.E.S.K.Top668)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2005, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671/19 "2005-12-30T17:26:18Z")
Since most of my sexual encounters have been within relationships, my number wouldn’t change no matter what the definition is. There might not have been penetration every time with every person, but there was at some point with every person.
As for my definition of sex; I’d say that any act involving more then one person where the intent is for at least one person involved to receive sexual gratification is _sex_.
Just my $.02, DESK
---
### Author:  [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2005, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671/20 "2005-12-30T17:28:20Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#):
>
> I would count any time you gave or received sexual gratification.
That’s not the Clinton definition.
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/337671.md?page=2)