# What \*is\* sex?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/55286
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [February 21, 2001, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/55286 "2001-02-21T01:02:35Z")
**Posts on this page:** 16
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2001, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/55286/1 "2001-02-21T01:02:35Z")
I don’t need a textbook definition really, I’m just looking for a nice, concise way to sum up what “sex” is to the human race, taking all standard orientations (meaning I’m not looking to hear about dog-fucking or having a relationship with your can opener) into consideration. It can’t be penetration, since not all couples penetrate. It can’t really be orgasm, can it? I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t say I didn’t have sex just because I didn’t have an orgasm.
I usually think sex is more of a statement of intent than anything. I’ve been in a situation or two where I didn’t have an orgasm and there was no penetration (hell, I wasn’t even completely naked), but it was DEFINITELY sex.
What do you guys think?
I know this topic was somewhat brought up in GQ, but that seemed more like a biologically driven question. This one is about where do you draw the line between “fooling around” and “doing it?”
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### Author:  [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2001, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/55286/2 "2001-02-21T02:18:09Z")
That depends on what “is” means.
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### Author:  [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2001, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/55286/3 "2001-02-21T03:11:30Z")
[fighting off about a dozen witty remarks]
I would beg to differ that sex can’t be just penetration. I would argue that sex, in it’s base definition is just that: insertion of a penis in a vagina.
I say _base definition_ in that everything else are derivatives of this action: incompleted/unsatisfying sex (no orgasm), homosexual sex (uh, self-explanitory), dry/pre-sex sex (clothes on or messing around), etc, etc.
[/fighting off about a dozen witty remarks]
If you have any more questions, we can do some hands-on study, if you’d like.
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### Author:  [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2001, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/55286/4 "2001-02-21T03:13:32Z")
According to a survey done a couple of years ago of college students, sex is defined by intercourse.
No cite, I just remember discussing it in Human Sexuality class when it was published and how Clinton really could get away with “I did not have sex with that woman” according to the defination.
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### Author:  [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2001, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/55286/5 "2001-02-21T03:20:24Z")
Which is stupid, cause then many gays, lesbians, not to mention quite a few straights, have never had sex, when clearly they are having sex.
I say sex, while not nesicarily bringing one to orgasm, involves performing activities with someone (in a consentual sexually charged context) that could bring one to orgasm.
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### Author:  [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2001, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/55286/6 "2001-02-21T03:25:21Z")
:ahem: and I must say, that the varying definitions of sex come quite in handy depending on who you’re sharing your sexual history with. Or at least they have for me. 😉
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### Author:  [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2001, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/55286/7 "2001-02-21T03:44:07Z")
I agree with scratchie. Sexual intercourse is different terminology than just plain sex. IMHO, sex includes oral sex and anal sex (But is not limited to that, in case there are more creative people reading this), while sexual intercourse is penis-in-vagina sex.
Sex does not have to include penetration. If you are very loose (no pun intended) with describing it, foreplay could be considered sex.
IMHO.
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### Author:  [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2001, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/55286/8 "2001-02-21T04:08:52Z")
Pardon? Who said intercourse didn’t include anal sex? According to my textbooks it does, which is why it’s called “anal intercourse”. I agree that the survey left no room for lesbian sex, unless you want to look at it squinty eyed and asssume the use of toys. I was just passing the info along.
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### Author:  [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2001, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/55286/9 "2001-02-21T06:13:37Z")
There’s this great lesbian button that says “Technical Virgin.”
I think sex is contextual.
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### Author:  [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2001, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/55286/10 "2001-02-21T06:40:51Z")
…hence: _base definition_= intercourse and variations follow.
Nothing wrong with that, so what if a lesbian can’t say she’s had “sex,” she _can_ say she’s has relations or lesbian sex or any other variant on the base state. Not a big deal people, in fact, it’s why we have adjectives, no?
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### Author:  [@absoul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/absoul)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2001, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/55286/11 "2001-02-21T09:48:03Z")
I would have to go with the orgasm thing, that or cheesecake with strawberries and whip cream.
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### Author:  [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2001, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/55286/12 "2001-02-21T10:09:30Z")
To me, it’s any kind of unclothed, direct stimulation of a primary sex organ or orafice. Orgasm preferred, but not nessasary.
I’ve met quite a few women who do not consider oral sex to be sex. They were, of course, insane.
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### Author:  [@imthjckaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imthjckaz)
#### Post date: [February 22, 2001, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/55286/13 "2001-02-22T03:22:38Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Arden Ranger \*
> \*\*According to a survey done a couple of years ago of college students, sex is defined by intercourse.
>
> No cite, I just remember discussing it in Human Sexuality class when it was published and how Clinton really could get away with “I did not have sex with that woman” according to the defination. \*\*
I think Bill conducted this survey himself and thats why he felt so comfortable when he said those infamous words.
Hey **Nym** , why don’t ya whisper some things in my ear and I’ll let you know if it’s sex or not.😃
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### Author:  [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)
#### Post date: [February 22, 2001, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/55286/14 "2001-02-22T06:18:07Z")
Oooohhhh…nice point, imthjckaz. Phone sex = sex? Cyber sex = sex?
And thanks for your offers, boys, but I know what _my_ definition of sex is, I’m looking for a general human race one. I like what scratchie said so far. Fits in with my “statement of intent” thought.
Besides, I’m trying desperately to have just ONE of my threads not turn into a flirt-fest. 😃
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### Author:  [@Louie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Louie)
#### Post date: [February 22, 2001, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/55286/15 "2001-02-22T06:43:45Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by absoul \*
> \*\*…that or cheesecake with strawberries and whip cream. \*\*
What? No rope and chains?
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### Author:  [@absoul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/absoul)
#### Post date: [February 22, 2001, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-sex/55286/16 "2001-02-22T06:52:21Z")
No, you see… cheesecake _IS_ a form of sex.