# What is some of the worst poetry you have read? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 3, 2003, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790 "2003-12-03T21:29:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2003, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/21 "2003-12-04T19:25:30Z")
[Margaret Cavendish](http://www.users.waitrose.com/~nickpage/worst/Cavendish/cavendish.html) has got to be right up there, but my pet favorite bad Renaissance poet is Barnabe Barnes. This one is irreverently known as “the pissing sonnet.” > [@](#): > > Jove for EUROPA’s love, took shape of Bull; > And for CALISTO, played DIANA’s part: > And in a golden shower he filled full > The lap of DANAE, with celestial art. > Would I were changed but to my Mistress’ gloves, > That those white lovely fingers I might hide! > That I might kiss those hands, which mine heart loves! > Or else that chain of pearl (her neck’s vain pride) > Made proud with her neck’s veins, that I might fold > About that lovely neck, and her paps tickle! > Or her to compass, like a belt of gold! > Or that sweet wine which down her throat doth trickle, > To kiss her lips, and lie next at her heart, > Run through her veins, and pass by Pleasure’s part! ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2003, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/22 "2003-12-04T19:43:14Z")
How can a discussion of bad poetry be complete without a reference to [William Topaz McGonagall](http://www.mcgonagall-online.org.uk/), history’s worst poet? The following clunker is a typical example (and it’s only part of the work): > [@](#): > > All hail to the Rev. George Gilfillan of Dundee, > He is the greatest preacher I did ever hear or see. > He is a man of genius bright, > And in him his congregation does delight, > Because they find him to be honest and plain, > Affable in temper, and seldom known to complain. > He preaches in a plain straightforward way, > The people flock to hear him night and day, > And hundreds from the doors are often turn’d away, > Because he is the greatest preacher of the present day. > He has written the life of Sir Walter Scott, > And while he lives he will never be forgot, > Nor when he is dead, > Because by his admirers it will be often read; > And fill their minds with wonder and delight, > And wile away the tedious hours on a cold winter’s night. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2003, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/23 "2003-12-04T19:59:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CadburyAngel \* > Emily Dickinson. Holy crap. It’s like listening to that really banal person in class who thinks that they’re so deep and clever and three steps ahead of everyone, when really they’re two behind… and with erratic capitalization and punctuation to top it all off. Know how to make it funny? Many/most of her poems can be sung to the tune of the folk song “Oh Susanna” (I’ve heard “Yellow Rose of Texas” mentioned as well, but don’t know the tune). It’s fairly amusing, and is a good way to ruin her poetry for those who admire her work too, because they’ll start inadvertently matching the poems to the tune. “Because I could not stop for Death, He kindly stopped for me; The carriage held but just ourselves And Immortality.” ---
**Author:** ![Mehitabel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mehitabel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mehitabel)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2003, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/24 "2003-12-04T20:00:52Z")
Waving the stars and stripes, I must bring attention to the American counterpart to the immortal McGonagall, Julia Moore, [The Sweet Singer of Michigan.](http://www.wmich.edu/english/txt/Moore/) Her specialties were horrific deaths and those of children; in fact, children who died horrifically inspired her Muse the most. But here’s a railroad disaster one: > [@](#): > > Have you heard of the dreadful fate > Of Mr. P. P. Bliss and wife? > Of their death I will relate, > And also others lost their life; > Ashtabula Bridge disaster, > Where so many people died > Without a thought that destruction > Would plunge them 'neath the wheel of tide. > CHORUS: > Swiftly passed the engine’s call, > Hastening souls on to death, > Warning not one of them all; > It brought despair right and left. And she should know. 😃 I once wrote a three-page epic poem in HS about my local library. Only one verse scanned properly (this is about the new, 1959, ugly monochrome one-story library that they moved to from a cramped but charming 1920 building): > [@](#): > > It has a personality > But never can be warm. > Its Spartan lines will never fill > With coziness or charm. :smack: Remember, according to the teacher, that was the BEST VERSE. The rest has blessedly passed from the memory of man. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2003, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/25 "2003-12-04T20:25:15Z")
Vogon. ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2003, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/26 "2003-12-04T23:25:43Z")
[Wretched.](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060191988/qid=1070580223/sr=1-4/ref=sr_1_4/002-3172846-9782426?v=glance&s=books) ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2003, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/27 "2003-12-04T23:29:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ferret Herder \* > \*\*Know how to make it funny? Many/most of her poems can be sung to the tune of the folk song “Oh Susanna” (I’ve heard “Yellow Rose of Texas” mentioned as well, but don’t know the tune). It’s fairly amusing, and is a good way to ruin her poetry for those who admire her work too, because they’ll start inadvertently matching the poems to the tune. > > “Because I could not stop for Death, > He kindly stopped for me; > The carriage held but just ourselves > And Immortality.” \*\* Ask and you shall receive. [_The Yellow Rose of Texas_](http://www.lsjunction.com/midi/yellowr.mid) That and _O Susannah_ work equally well. ---
**Author:** ![UnwrittenNocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/6de8d8/32.png) [@UnwrittenNocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UnwrittenNocturne)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2003, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/28 "2003-12-04T23:56:35Z")
"Vogon poetry is of course the third worst in the Universe. ``` The second worst is that of the Azagoths of Kria. During a recitation by their Poet Master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode To A Small Lump of Green Putty I Found In My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging, and the President of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos is reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his twelve- book epic entitled My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save life and civilization, leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain. The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Greenbridge, Essex, England in the destruction of the planet Earth. " ``` With apologies to Mr Adams. Now I really sound geeky ---
**Author:** ![RadioOrange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a9adbd/32.png) [@RadioOrange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RadioOrange)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/29 "2003-12-05T00:02:26Z")
> [@](#): > > One spoke to mammy saying, “Stay your labour for your kids, Give to us all this bread! or we’ll stab your bony ribs!” > And raising high his glittering sword one cut off Mammy’s head, > Her body fell upon me, while her poor neck bled and bled! LOL 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/30 "2003-12-05T02:32:57Z")
I’m not familiar with this chap’s work personally, but I [sup]1[/sup]read that someone once quipped: _"I’d rather fail the [sup]2[/sup]Wasserman test Than read the poems of Edgar Guest_ [sup]1[/sup]Felton and Folwer’s Best, Worst, and Most Unusual by Felton and Fowler [sup]2[/sup]Syphilis ---
**Author:** ![Nvme77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Nvme77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nvme77)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/31 "2003-12-05T06:54:34Z")
The poetry sometimes found at the top of chapter page for most of Anne Rice’s fictional works. Is it her husband-? I could care less with every book she writes as well. ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/32 "2003-12-05T08:12:10Z")
If you can sing it to the theme from “Gilligan’s Island,” it’s probably a bad poem. ---
**Author:** ![CadburyAngel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c2a13f/32.png) [@CadburyAngel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CadburyAngel)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/33 "2003-12-05T08:23:20Z")
**Nvme** , I think it’s her son’s. You’re right, though. Utter crap. ---
**Author:** ![wendyrules](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/85e7bf/32.png) [@wendyrules](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wendyrules)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/34 "2003-12-05T08:26:42Z")
“What is some of the worst poetry you have read?”… Probably MINE!!! So I won’t make anyone else suffer through it! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/35 "2003-12-05T08:53:58Z")
I can’t believe we’ve gotten this far without anybody mentioning that pile of tripe tht was (the singer) Jewel’s poetry. She used the word “casualty” to mean casualness. And the book got published without anyone ever mentioning to her that she misused the word. She didn’t know until she was doing the press junket and Kurt Loder from MTV (!!) said “That’s not what that word means.” She gave him the look of death, he looked at her as if to say “Damn, woman, I know you lived in a van, but how the hell do you get to be a published ‘poet’ when you don’t have a grasp on the damn language?!” It’s just crap. If you can get it from the library, though (don’t buy it, for heaven’s sake) it’s worth reading just for the laughs. It’s that bad. ---
**Author:** ![mrunlucky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7993a0/32.png) [@mrunlucky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrunlucky)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/36 "2003-12-05T09:26:20Z")
Danielle Steel, overly prolific author of formulaic romance novels, had a book of poetry published, predictably titled _Love_. Jimmy Stewart had a book of poetry published too, and from what I recall, there were many poems about fishing. I once endured a “poet” years ago in a coffee shop who used the term “dewy breasts”. Other than that his poems just went on and on and on, and he was alarmingly serious in his descriptions of love-making, that term is all that has remained with me. ---
**Author:** ![commie\_sho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/db5fbb/32.png) [@commie\_sho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commie_sho)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/37 "2003-12-05T10:53:10Z")
%99 of Livejournal “poets” all sound the same. (“I will be real vague so people can’t figure out what little detail of my life I am talking about, it will be really interesting and abstract!”) Also, pretty much all depressed highschooler poetry. [I am guilty of this as well (beware!!!)](http://www24.brinkster.com/southtown/Writing/venom.html) ---
**Author:** ![coffeecat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/coffeecat/32/3405_2.png) [@coffeecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coffeecat)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/38 "2003-12-05T12:32:13Z")
In some old _Poet’s Market_, one magazine they listed had for it’s sample of their poetry: I am a human. My blood is as red as the blood of coyote. My sperm is as white as the meat of a crab. I am only doing my job. The magazine wasn’t listed in the following year’s _Poet’s Market_ (Can’t imagine why :rolleyes: ), but the poem burned itself into my brain and I still remember it. ☹ E.E. Cummings is awesome! Grrr. . . . ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/39 "2003-12-05T13:01:28Z")
My old boss, the owner of a newspaper, vanity-published 1,000 copies of the worst, worst, worst, worst poems I have ever read. He advertised the book in the newspaper, and as far as I know he sold two copies. There were boxes of the books kicking around the office, so I stole one. I have it at home, and if I can find it, I’ll type a sample into this thread tomorrow for everyone’s edification. Mind you, my teen angst poetry rivals even McGonagal for inanity. With a blush, I present for you the following lines, written when I was 16: > [@](#): > > Was it fun to be nasty? > Cool to be cruel? > Make the world stand and point > And laugh at the fool? :o ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/40 "2003-12-05T13:09:15Z")
Before I forget, [this](http://www.livejournal.com/users/visions/) guy on LiveJournal writes some of the worst online poetry I’ve ever seen. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790.md?page=3)