# What is some of the worst poetry you have read? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 3, 2003, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790 "2003-12-03T21:29:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/41 "2003-12-05T13:45:54Z")
Jim Morrison of the doors, but I’m reluctant to even call that poetry. Also, all poetry by women. Oh, unless “Already in Use” is a woman, because I liked that “Baal” poem. I like Ogden Nash, but I’m a rube. ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/42 "2003-12-05T16:19:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fretful Porpentine \* > \*\*[Margaret Cavendish](http://www.users.waitrose.com/~nickpage/worst/Cavendish/cavendish.html) has got to be right up there, but my pet favorite bad Renaissance poet is Barnabe Barnes. This one is irreverently known as “the pissing sonnet.” \*\* Ha! I’d never heard of Barnabe Barnes – that’s too funny. The reference to “golden showers” doesn’t help. :eek: 😉 I took a course this semester on early Tudor literature and encountered the _Eclogues_ of Alexander Barclay, proclaimed a Bad Poet by none other than C.S. Lewis. Fortunately, he’s entertaining-bad rather than unreadable-bad. A few samples from Eclogue 2, which is basically one shepherd telling another why life at court isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. _Make hunger thy sause be thou never so nice, For there shalt thou find none other kind of spice. Thy potage is made with wedes and with ashes, And betwene thy teeth oft time the coles crashes, Sometime halfe sodden is both thy fleshe & broth, The water and hearbes together be so wroth That eche goeth aparte, they can not well agree, And ofte be they salte as water of the sea. Seldome at chese hast thou a little licke, And if thou ought haue within it shall be quicke, All full of magots and like to the raynebowe, Of diuers colours as red, grene, and yelowe, On eche side gnawen with mise or with rattes, Or with vile wormes, with dogges or with cattes, Uncleane and scoruy, and harde as the stone, It looketh so well thou wouldest it were gone._ Of course, skanky cheese isn’t the only hazard of dining at court: _If the dishe be pleasaunt, eyther fleshe or fishe, Ten hands at once swarme in the dishe. And if it be flesh, ten kniues shalt thou see Mangling the flesh and in the platter flee: To put there thy handes is perill without fayle, Without a gauntlet or els a gloue of mayle. Among all these kniues thou one of both must haue, Or els it is harde thy fingers whole to saue: Ofte in such dishes in court is it seene. Some leaue their fingers, eche knife is so kene. On a finger gnaweth some hasty glutton, Supposing it is a piece of biefe or mutton._ Tasty, huh? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/43 "2003-12-05T18:11:32Z")
[Enjoy the worst of bad poetry.](http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/vogonpoetry/lettergen.shtml) ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/44 "2003-12-05T18:24:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MixieArmadillo \* > \*\*[Wretched.](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060191988/qid=1070580223/sr=1-4/ref=sr_1_4/002-3172846-9782426?v=glance&s=books) \*\* > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TeaElle \* > \*\*I can’t believe we’ve gotten this far without anybody mentioning that pile of tripe tht was (the singer) Jewel’s poetry. > \*\* **A_hem_** 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/45 "2003-12-05T19:23:24Z")
Do any of the longer-term dopers remember **Prose**? A teenage Canadian girl with a pathological loathing for all things American. One day somebody went to her website, looked up the poetry page and (when they stopped laughing) posted a link to it. Within a day, she’d removed the URL from her profile. Within a week she was gone from here completely. Might be the first case of somebody being _shamed_ off the SDMB … ---
**Author:** ![imperfectionist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e99b99/32.png) [@imperfectionist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imperfectionist)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/46 "2003-12-05T19:44:45Z")
All haiku is a real bore. And people who say “I’s wonderful you just need to read more of it” are worse bores. ---
**Author:** ![Taran](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Taran](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taran)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/47 "2003-12-05T20:13:27Z")
I wrote a program once that was supposed to write poetry. It was pretty smart, for a program of its type. It knew about rhyme schemes, and it had a fair idea of where the accents fall in English words. It didn’t know what any of the words meant, but it had a bunch of long text samples to use for reference, so it would at least know what patterns English words tend to come in, even if it didn’t know why. It turns out that knowing what all the words mean is really important. I don’t have it anymore. If I did, I’d make it cook up a sestina for you, so maybe it’s for the best. ---
**Author:** ![Arcite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/67e7ee/32.png) [@Arcite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arcite)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/48 "2003-12-05T20:37:23Z")
[Somebody Blew Up America](http://www.amiribaraka.com/blew.html) by Amiri Baraka, the former Poet Laureate of the State of New Jersey, is my favorite awful poem. An excerpt: > [@](#): > > Who knew the World Trade Center was gonna get bombed > Who told 4000 Israeli workers at the Twin Towers > To stay home that day > Why did Sharon stay away ? ---
**Author:** ![Ex\_Machina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Ex\_Machina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ex_Machina)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/49 "2003-12-05T21:32:47Z")
Judge Roy Moore writes good bad poetry. _That all men were “created” was a truth "self-evident, To secure the rights God gave us was the role of government. And if any form of government became destructive of this end, It was their right, their duty, a new one to begin._ [www.datasync.com/~danielj/politicspg2.htm](http://www.datasync.com/~danielj/politicspg2.htm) He reminds me of Ring Lardner’s _Maysville Minstrel_. If you are a fan of bad poetry you probably would enjoy that story. ---
**Author:** ![look\_ninjas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b2d939/32.png) [@look\_ninjas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/look_ninjas)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2003, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/50 "2003-12-06T00:49:49Z")
I wish I could remember my friend Nick’s Taco Bell poem. Alas, I only recall those last thrilling lines: “Taco, Taco, Taco Bell. Yeah.” Someone else had a poem about a box that was pretty amusing. I miss creative writing class. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2003, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/51 "2003-12-06T01:43:59Z")
I’ve read a little Edgar Guest. I can’t link to any of his poems, but they tend to be oversentimental, and the fact that a large hunk of them were written on a deadline (for a Detroit newspaper) didn’t help either. ---
**Author:** ![Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bambi_Hassenpfeffer)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2003, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/52 "2003-12-06T02:01:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ferret Herder \* > \*\*Know how to make it funny? Many/most of her poems can be sung to the tune of the folk song “Oh Susanna” (I’ve heard “Yellow Rose of Texas” mentioned as well, but don’t know the tune). It’s fairly amusing, and is a good way to ruin her poetry for those who admire her work too, because they’ll start inadvertently matching the poems to the tune. > > “Because I could not stop for Death, > He kindly stopped for me; > The carriage held but just ourselves > And Immortality.” \*\* And as **racinchikki** alluded to, it also fits the theme from _Gilligan’s Island_. Which of course is another easy way to ruin her poetry (and _Amazing Grace_ too, cause it fits the same). ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2003, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/53 "2003-12-06T03:03:54Z")
The only problem with the Yellow Rose/Gilligan/Amazing Grace thing is that there is a lot of good poetry that fits because it’s all about rhythm. You can sing a Shakespearean sonnet to the Star Spangled Banner, does that make one good or one bad? > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MixieArmadillo \* > _ **Ahem** _ > 😉 \*\* Ahem back at you. If you want people to know what you’re linking to, try being descriptive instead of coy. You didn’t mention Jewel’s book, you dropped a blind link. My comment stands. ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2003, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/54 "2003-12-06T04:11:36Z")
Wow, sensitive much? Note the smiley in my post, and lighten up. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2003, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/55 "2003-12-06T07:55:48Z")
In high school, I came up with a pretty comprehensive list of all the tunes Emily Dickinson poems could be sung to. I’ve forgotten many of them, unfortunately, but I do remember that good ol’ Emmy’'s poems work well with the tunes from _The Liberty Bell March, Found a Peanut_, and _Oh, Susanna_. Oh, and back to the OP–Suzanne Somers came out with a book of poetry a while ago. That’s some of the worst drivel ever. It’s so bad that it’s good for a laugh. It would also produce a sigh of relief in any aspiring writer, because everyone just _knows_ that there’s no way their writing could manage to be nearly as bad as hers. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2003, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790/56 "2003-12-06T21:49:32Z")
The immortal McGonagall towers over the field of bad poetry like a Colossus, if for no other triumph than the following: > [@](#): > > **The Battle Of El-Teb** > > YE sons of Great Britain, I think no shame > To write in praise of brave General Graham! > Whose name will be handed down to posterity without any stigma, > Because, at the battle of El-Teb, he defeated Osman Digna. Or the exquisite delicacy of his paean to Greenland, > [@](#): > > The icy mountains they’re higher than a brig’s topmast, > And the stranger in amazement stands aghast > As he beholds the water flowing off the melted ice > Adown the mountain sides, that he cries out, Oh! how nice! Contrast the usual poetic blather about Immortal Truth with the becoming modesty of the following: > [@](#): > > And rents and caverns in them, the same as on a rugged mountain side, > And suitable places, in my opinion, for mermaids to reside. The bard does not presume to decide for mermaids, who must be considered to have their own opinions. I remember an entire essay on kitsch, which triggered my life-long appreciation for such evidences that poetry should not be confined to those with talent. Delightful stuff, for those who appreciate that there must be those who make the top half possible. Someday I will start a Florence Foster Jenkins appreciation thread. Or else commit suicide - I haven’t decided. Regards, Shodan [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-some-of-the-worst-poetry-you-have-read/216790.md?page=2)