# What is the best bumper sticker you've ever read? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 4, 2006, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984 "2006-02-04T13:37:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2006, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984/81 "2006-02-06T14:57:05Z")
“Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS?” ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2006, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984/82 "2006-02-06T15:31:05Z")
I used to have one that said, “Save the environment. Plant a Bush back in Texas.” ---
**Author:** ![sneezy5660](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@sneezy5660](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sneezy5660)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2006, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984/83 "2006-02-06T16:10:47Z")
I saw one the other day that said, “Chthulthu for President. Why settle for the lesser evil?” ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2006, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984/84 "2006-02-06T16:22:44Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > I have to admit that I really like the Christian Fish outline that has, written within it: > **GHOTI**. I really wish I was the one that came up with AU GHOTI. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2006, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984/85 "2006-02-06T17:15:11Z")
I have to say that one of my all time favorites is: **Aparagus Festive 19??** in some city in California. It was on the back of a beater truck. You just don’t see great stickers like that any more. **Rule #1** You Can’t Cure Stupid. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2006, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984/86 "2006-02-06T17:27:19Z")
“Sola bona lingua est mortua lingua” - The only good language is a dead language (in Latin, of course) “Scientists say the sun will die in six billion years, which means they’ll have to finish construction on 75 in the dark.” ---
**Author:** ![Necros](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/necros/32/11086_2.png) [@Necros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Necros)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2006, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984/87 "2006-02-06T18:47:58Z")
Seen on the back of a Subaru Outback Sport the other day: **KEEP THE EARTH CLEAN IT’S NOT URANUS** ---
**Author:** ![panamajack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/47e85d/32.png) [@panamajack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panamajack)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2006, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984/88 "2006-02-06T19:04:09Z")
Funniest one seen recently : Honk if you’re pushy ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2006, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984/89 "2006-02-06T19:53:32Z")
One of my faves: “My wife’s other car is a broom.” One that has me puzzled, though, is “You’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny.” I do appreciate how that phrase, in the right hands used in the right occassion, could perhaps be funny. But on a bumper sticker? To whom could this possibly apply but the driver? I just don’t understand. ---
**Author:** ![Sal\_Ammoniac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Sal\_Ammoniac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sal_Ammoniac)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2006, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984/90 "2006-02-06T20:48:42Z")
Don’t know whether it was meant to be funny, but I took it as so: one of those ribbon things, bearing the legend “Support Ribbon Awareness.” ---
**Author:** ![jawdirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df705f/32.png) [@jawdirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jawdirk)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2006, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984/91 "2006-02-06T21:03:15Z")
My step father has a bumper sticker that says **Never get behind a VW Bus** on his VW Bus. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2006, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984/92 "2006-02-06T21:07:42Z")
“When I married Mr. Right, I didn’t realize his first name was Always” On the back of my sister’s car: “Gay by birth. Fabulous by choice” ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2006, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984/93 "2006-02-06T21:07:48Z")
Not so much a bumper sticker as such, but an all-purpose sign anywhere: DISREGARD A bit more pointed maybe is: **If you can read this, you’re not illiterate** ---
**Author:** ![Taran](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Taran](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taran)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2006, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984/94 "2006-02-06T21:39:08Z")
For ten miles on Rt. 83, I was stuck behind a car with a long bumper sticker in a language none of us spoke. I had my passengers copy it down, and it turned out to be Latin for “If you can read this, you are both extremely well-educated and much too close.” ---
**Author:** ![Translucent\_Daydream](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/translucent_daydream/32/16170_2.png) [@Translucent\_Daydream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Translucent_Daydream)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2006, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984/95 "2006-02-06T22:58:51Z")
Seen on the back of a Volkswagen Microbus: Zero to 60… eventually… ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984/96 "2006-02-07T08:59:00Z")
A friend of a friend had one with very small lettering that read: “You’re a nosy little fucker, aren’t you?” ---
**Author:** ![Taber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac91a4/32.png) [@Taber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taber)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984/97 "2006-02-07T09:48:06Z")
a giant ribbon al’a the support the troops ribbons that says “My ribbon is bigger than yours” ---
**Author:** ![OccasionalThinker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8797f3/32.png) [@OccasionalThinker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OccasionalThinker)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984/98 "2006-02-07T12:49:22Z")
Usually seen on ‘fleet’ or company vehicles: Hows My Driving? 0800-kiss-my-ass awesome. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984/99 "2006-02-07T12:53:37Z")
Witches’ Parking Only All others will be TOAD. Freedom of Religion means ANY religion. ---
**Author:** ![Fromage\_A\_Trois](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fromage\_A\_Trois](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fromage_A_Trois)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984/100 "2006-02-07T13:26:58Z")
On the back of a particularly big lorry: **Your skid ends here** [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-bumper-sticker-youve-ever-read/342984.md?page=6)