# What is the best way for a male to spurn unwanted advances?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [January 2, 2014, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744 "2014-01-02T22:54:28Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@LC\_Strawhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LC_Strawhouse)
#### Post date: [January 2, 2014, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/1 "2014-01-02T22:54:28Z")
If a male in a stable relationship is approached by a “homewrecker” type of woman, what’s the best way to smoothly reject the advances?
I’d be concerned about being too harsh in case that would hurt her pride and turn her into a “woman scorned” who wants revenge. On the other hand, I wouldn’t want to be too indulgent and accidentally give mixed signals or put myself in a compromising looking position. (So I’d actually prefer to duck out of the way and have my female partner do the dirty work of telling the other woman to get lost!) Any opinions or anecdotes?
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### Author:  [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)
#### Post date: [January 2, 2014, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/2 "2014-01-02T23:18:39Z")
“_I’m flattered, but there is no way I would ever cheat on my partner_.”
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### Author:  [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)
#### Post date: [January 2, 2014, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/3 "2014-01-02T23:23:58Z")
Whatever you do, don’t take your dick out. It might send mixed signals.
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### Author:  [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)
#### Post date: [January 2, 2014, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/4 "2014-01-02T23:25:09Z")
> [@LC\_Strawhouse](#):
>
> If a male in a stable relationship is approached by a “homewrecker” type of woman, what’s the best way to smoothly reject the advances?
Play dumb - centuries of conditioning have trained women to accept this without hesitation. 🙂
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### Author:  [@BrokenBriton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrokenBriton)
#### Post date: [January 2, 2014, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/5 "2014-01-02T23:27:08Z")
> [@chacoguy](#):
>
> “_I’m flattered, but there is no way I would ever cheat on my partner_.”
^ that will do.
Fwiw, in my experience women - generally - are very good after receiving a direct request to back of. I guess it comes from years of being on the other end.
Men just need to say it. In words. To them.
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### Author:  [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)
#### Post date: [January 2, 2014, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/6 "2014-01-02T23:28:08Z")
> [@LC\_Strawhouse](#):
>
> If a male in a stable relationship is approached by a “homewrecker” type of woman, what’s the best way to smoothly reject the advances?
“No, thank you” usually works.
Is this some kind of a stealth brag?
> [@](#):
>
> (So I’d actually prefer to duck out of the way and have my female partner do the dirty work of telling the other woman to get lost!) Any opinions or anecdotes?
Instead of handling it discreetly, you want to stage a confrontation between your wife and the wanna-be homewrecker? What on earth is wrong with you?
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### Author:  [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)
#### Post date: [January 2, 2014, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/7 "2014-01-02T23:30:13Z")
> [@epbrown01](#):
>
> Play dumb - centuries of conditioning have trained women to accept this without hesitation. 🙂
My answer too. A drink? Sorry, I have to work late. Or be home early.
If that fails, start talking about Star Trek.
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### Author:  [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)
#### Post date: [January 2, 2014, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/8 "2014-01-02T23:49:02Z")
> [@Voyager](#):
>
> My answer too. A drink? Sorry, I have to work late. Or be home early.
> If that fails, start talking about Star Trek.
This. I’ve definitely used the “painfully, utterly oblivious to her advances” card before. Act like you don’t have gonads and aren’t aware anyone else does.
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### Author:  [@LC\_Strawhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LC_Strawhouse)
#### Post date: [January 2, 2014, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/9 "2014-01-02T23:59:20Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#):
>
> “No, thank you” usually works.
>
> Is this some kind of a stealth brag?
No stealth bragging intended, LOL. I’m not talking about someone making an X-rated proposition, but more like someone coming on with a lot of small talk that gets increasingly personal until it crosses into dangerous territory (“what’s your number, can I text you tomorrow?”, etc.) I guess it might sound like a “man bites dog” story but it does happen, for example at holiday parties with alcohol.
> [@Green\_Bean](#):
>
> Instead of handling it discreetly, you want to stage a confrontation between your wife and the wanna-be homewrecker? What on earth is wrong with you?
I wouldn’t expect that to actually happen for real … just meant that it would save me from having to figure out what to say.
> [@](#):
>
> “I’m flattered, but there is no way I would ever cheat on my partner.”
Not bad but I was hoping to make that statement without coming out and saying it that bluntly!
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### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2014, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/10 "2014-01-03T00:02:00Z")
Has she actually announced her intent, or is she just flirting and hinting?
If the latter, be prepared to be made to look a dick if you’re too quick to say “no thanks” - because if she’s not explicitly said anything, she can play the “OMG, you think I feel like that?!?!” card.
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### Author:  [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2014, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/11 "2014-01-03T00:04:52Z")
> [@LC\_Strawhouse](#):
>
> I wouldn’t expect that to actually happen for real … just meant that it would save me from having to figure out what to say.
> …
> Not bad but I was hoping to make that statement without coming out and saying it that bluntly!
Then I concur with the fine gentlemen in this thread. Play dumb.
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### Author:  [@LC\_Strawhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LC_Strawhouse)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2014, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/12 "2014-01-03T00:05:06Z")
> [@Mangetout](#):
>
> Has she actually announced her intent, or is she just flirting and hinting?
>
> If the latter, be prepared to be made to look a dick if you’re too quick to say “no thanks” - because if she’s not explicitly said anything, she can play the “OMG, you think I feel like that?!?!” card.
Yes, you hit the nail on the head. I’m talking about heavy flirting but without a blunt proposition … I didn’t think a “begone, ye wench” approach was exactly appropriate.
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### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2014, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/13 "2014-01-03T00:09:47Z")
> [@LC\_Strawhouse](#):
>
> Yes, you hit the nail on the head. I’m talking about heavy flirting but without a blunt proposition.
Yeah, could be a problem then - you try to shut it down, she’ll plead complete innocence, making you look like an asshole for assuming.
What might work is to comment on individual incidents of flirting - i.e. “I don’t like it when you touch me/talk to me like that”, or “I don’t think my wife would like me having this conversation, so let’s stop”, or whatever fits.
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### Author:  [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2014, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/14 "2014-01-03T00:22:23Z")
Usually when one person is flirting and the other refuses to reciprocate, it’s a pretty clear signal of non-interest. Are you engaging with her flirty behavior? Sending mixed signals? Do you enjoy the attention, even if you have no intention of dating her?
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### Author:  [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2014, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/15 "2014-01-03T00:26:49Z")
> [@LC\_Strawhouse](#):
>
> … but more like someone coming on with a lot of small talk that gets increasingly personal until it crosses into dangerous territory (“what’s your number, can I text you tomorrow?”, etc.) …
Women solved that problem eons ago by memorizing the number of a local funeral home, oil change joint or pizza parlor.
> [@Mangetout](#):
>
> What might work is to comment on individual incidents of flirting - i.e. “I don’t like it when you touch me/talk to me like that”, or “I don’t think my wife would like me having this conversation, so let’s stop”, or whatever fits.
So many years ago my friends and I were at a party. One of my friends was downstairs and a guy started hitting on her. The pickup line he used - possibly the best in the history of pickup lines - was “want to see me open this beer bottle with my dick” - My friend squwee’d in the most adorable fashion and then said “hold on, my boyfriend HAS to see THIS” ran off before the guy could blink and brought down her boyfriend (big, fit sort of guy) who says “OK, show me.”
If you are at a party and your wife is present, use her to shield you - bring her into the conversation - even if it means walking your new friend over to her and say “honey, Becky here was just telling me about this great new restaurant she thinks we should go to.” (Or, you have to see this guy open a beer bottle!). If your wife isn’t present, you use a friend - flirting can’t get too out of hand in a crowd, and if it starts to, make your excuses and leave - the bathroom or a drink before joining a DIFFERENT conversation works.
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### Author:  [@randompattern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/randompattern)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2014, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/16 "2014-01-03T00:30:42Z")
While she’s talking to you start picking your nose. Not just a little either, use some gusto, get at least one knuckle deep.
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### Author:  [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2014, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/17 "2014-01-03T00:39:28Z")
Tell her you have AIDS (or herpes or warts or… whatever, just pick one).
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### Author:  [@LC\_Strawhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LC_Strawhouse)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2014, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/18 "2014-01-03T00:47:32Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#):
>
> Women solved that problem eons ago by memorizing the number of a local funeral home, oil change joint or pizza parlor.
>
> If you are at a party and your wife is present, use her to shield you - bring her into the conversation - even if it means walking your new friend over to her and say “honey, Becky here was just telling me about this great new restaurant she thinks we should go to.” (Or, you have to see this guy open a beer bottle!). If your wife isn’t present, you use a friend - flirting can’t get too out of hand in a crowd, and if it starts to, make your excuses and leave - the bathroom or a drink before joining a DIFFERENT conversation works.
Thank you, I like those techniques.
> [@](#):
>
> Are you engaging with her flirty behavior? Sending mixed signals? Do you enjoy the attention, even if you have no intention of dating her?
Honestly, no. I might have felt like that back in college, but now my overriding feeling is simply a desire to be nice to everyone but staying out of trouble. (Plus, there are some real skanks out there)
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### Author:  [@Bellhorn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bellhorn)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2014, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/19 "2014-01-03T00:56:57Z")
When you’re alone with her, in your best Dustin Hoffman voice, say, “Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me.”
And I’m serious, although the reference probably is now too obscure for those under 50. I used the line about 30 years, ago, the one time I was in that situation.
- If you were only imagining the whole thing, it’s laughed off.
- If the women is serious, then she’ll take that as an opportunity to be direct, in which case you can deal with it directly.
Worst thing is to not confront it. Second worst thing is to confront it and be wrong about her intentions.
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### Author:  [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2014, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/20 "2014-01-03T00:57:56Z")
Every time she talks to you, fart constantly throughout the conversation. She’ll lose interest.
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