# What is the best way for a male to spurn unwanted advances? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 2, 2014, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744 "2014-01-02T22:54:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/21 "2014-01-03T01:22:26Z")
Wait for the right moment, stroke a stray lock of hair from her forehead and tell her “You know, in this light, you remind me of Donald Trump” ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/22 "2014-01-03T01:26:20Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Whatever you do, don’t take your dick out. It might send mixed signals. Wrapping it in tinfoil blocks most of those. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/23 "2014-01-03T01:31:12Z")
Happened to me just last night at a party. I had been talking to this guy long enough that the party had sort of moved away from us, and we were now alone at the firepit. Just as I started to wonder if maybe I might actually be interested (a red-letter day in and of itself) . . . he started talking about what a wonderful lady his wife is. It was heartwarming, and I was left with only good feelings about the encounter. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/24 "2014-01-03T01:33:33Z")
Best way to what unwhatted what? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![slowlearner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@slowlearner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slowlearner)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/25 "2014-01-03T01:33:50Z")
Some women are just flirty, others flirt for fun w/o intent to go farther, sometimes one actually wants to get in your pants. Try to be a bit more socially sophisticated and play the game without letting it get out of hand. I mean, if you’re not gonna bang her(I probably would) what’s the problem here? ---
**Author:** ![LC\_Strawhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LC\_Strawhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LC_Strawhouse)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/26 "2014-01-03T01:43:22Z")
> [@slowlearner](#): > > Some women are just flirty, others flirt for fun w/o intent to go farther, sometimes one actually wants to get in your pants. Try to be a bit more socially sophisticated and play the game without letting it get out of hand. I mean, if you’re not gonna bang her(I probably would) what’s the problem here? I know how to flirt back if I wanted to, but it’s disrespectful to my real female partner (not to mention, too much of a risk of misunderstandings) ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/27 "2014-01-03T01:45:35Z")
It sounds like she’s trying to get you to take the “relationship” home with you-- by asking for your number so she can text you. Just say that, as a happily married man (or whatever relationship you’re in) you don’t engage in phone calls or texts with other women. Do not give her your phone number. Do not give her your e-mail address. Do not give her your home address. And when you get home, make sure there isn’t a rabbit boiling on your stove! ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/28 "2014-01-03T03:06:55Z")
> [@LC\_Strawhouse](#): > > No stealth bragging intended, LOL. I’m not talking about someone making an X-rated proposition, but more like someone coming on with a lot of small talk that gets increasingly personal until it crosses into dangerous territory (“what’s your number, can I text you tomorrow?”, etc.) I guess it might sound like a “man bites dog” story but it does happen, for example at holiday parties with alcohol. “You know, I am terrible about checking my phone. Let me give you wife’s number and she will get a message to me.” ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/29 "2014-01-03T03:25:19Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Whatever you do, don’t take your dick out. It might send mixed signals. It might not be so bad as long as he draws one of [these](http://www.clker.com/cliparts/C/8/4/G/W/o/transparent-red-circle-md.png)on it before he whips it out. Or [this](http://blog.visual.ly/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/mr-yuk.gif?547b7b). As usual, glad I could help. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/30 "2014-01-03T03:25:35Z")
> [@chacoguy](#): > > “_I’m flattered, but there is no way I would ever cheat on my partner_.” “Granted, I probably should have mentioned this before we had sex.” ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/31 "2014-01-03T04:04:05Z")
Ask them if they are a prostitute. If they are, they’ll probably be so offended as to leave on their own. If they aren’t, they will be professional enough to take your rejection. Seriously though, having been in the TruCelt “fire pit” scenario many times, I find it best to either not stay until everyone else leaves you or just politely excuse yourself. “This is so wrong! You’re a married man!” “You’re right. We should do this in the bathroom.” ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/32 "2014-01-03T04:35:15Z")
Why do some women find married men attractive.? A guy who cannot get a woman to tell him the time of the day, suddenly has hangers on. Is marriage some feminine seal of approval?😉 ---
**Author:** ![thisishowwepray](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7feea3/32.png) [@thisishowwepray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thisishowwepray)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/33 "2014-01-03T06:08:54Z")
Just sobbing for the OP right now. This must be very hard for you, buddy. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/34 "2014-01-03T06:29:50Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > \ > If you are at a party and your wife is present, use her to shield you - bring her into the conversation - even if it means walking your new friend over to her and say “honey, Becky here was just telling me about this great new restaurant she thinks we should go to.” (Or, you have to see this guy open a beer bottle!). If your wife isn’t present, you use a friend - flirting can’t get too out of hand in a crowd, and if it starts to, make your excuses and leave - the bathroom or a drink before joining a DIFFERENT conversation works. This sounds like a good idea to me - if someone is flirting heavily with you and you constantly force the conversation back to your wife (or bring your wife right into the conversation), you’d be sending a pretty clear message that you’re not looking to play. > [@LC\_Strawhouse](#): > > I know how to flirt back if I wanted to, but it’s disrespectful to my real female partner (not to mention, too much of a risk of misunderstandings) And too much risk of heading down a slippery slope - I know there are many here who believe in harmless flirting, but I’m not one of them. I don’t think you should start onto paths that you don’t want to go down. > [@AK84](#): > > Why do some women find married men attractive.? A guy who cannot get a woman to tell him the time of the day, suddenly has hangers on. Is marriage some feminine seal of approval?😉 It does seem to be. I guess I can see why - “This guy is married. That means that some woman found him acceptable enough to commit to him for life - there must be something right about him.” ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/35 "2014-01-03T06:51:40Z")
I hope that some of you will agree that there are various types of flirting. Often, much of it can be quite harmless and has no home wrecking intent. I think that when a woman or man flirts with hopes of something going beyond friendship, that the flirting (usually) stops if the other person is not showing any interest. To the **OP** , I’d say if you’re sure that what you’re experiencing is a real come-on, that you plainly just let her know that you aren’t interested. If she pulls the “OMG, you think I feel like that!!!” card, well…then you’ll have an uncomfortable awkward moment and you move on. Period. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/36 "2014-01-03T07:00:32Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > I hope that some of you will agree that there are various types of flirting. Often, much of it can be quite harmless and has no home wrecking intent. \ I won’t be one of those people. To me, flirting is flirting. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/37 "2014-01-03T07:05:53Z")
Nm ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/38 "2014-01-03T07:13:47Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > I hope that some of you will agree that there are various types of flirting. Often, much of it can be quite harmless and has no home wrecking intent. I think that when a woman or man flirts with hopes of something going beyond friendship, that the flirting (usually) stops if the other person is not showing any interest. While what you say is true, from a male perspective flirting is like a gun - you should always treat it as loaded, even if you think it’s empty or loaded with blanks. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/39 "2014-01-03T07:17:57Z")
Make a face and say “oh, there is that smell again! You can smell it, can’t you?” Then suddenly say “I’m so sorry, I must have been mistaken” with a look of horror on your face. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2014, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744/40 "2014-01-03T08:24:50Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > If you are at a party and your wife is present, use her to shield you - bring her into the conversation - even if it means walking your new friend over to her and say “honey, Becky here was just telling me about this great new restaurant she thinks we should go to.” Maybe I’m being paranoid, but I see a risk in this technique - if the flirty woman is sociopathic enough to just want to stir shit into your marriage, and/or cunning/practiced enough at it, she could act in such way as to make you look a bit seedy in front of your wife, make your wife a bit suspicious of you and then position herself as the only person who understands you. I’ve seen it happen. > [@](#): > > If your wife isn’t present, you use a friend - flirting can’t get too out of hand in a crowd, and if it starts to, make your excuses and leave - the bathroom or a drink before joining a DIFFERENT conversation works. This is a better idea, IMO. Safety in numbers. Also, introduce this woman to a single male (or a series of them) who will welcome her attention. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-best-way-for-a-male-to-spurn-unwanted-advances/677744.md?page=3)