# What is the funniest lyric in a non-comical song? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 7, 2019, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452 "2019-10-07T20:42:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Tinker\_Grey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tinker_grey/32/8136_2.png) [@Tinker\_Grey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tinker_Grey)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/21 "2019-10-08T03:46:00Z")
Come down off the cross; we can use the wood ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/22 "2019-10-08T03:49:15Z")
Van Hagar’s “only time will tell if we stand the test of time” always cracks me up; it’s the only high point in the song for me, unfortunately. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/23 "2019-10-08T04:53:11Z")
In Brian Adams’ “Cut Like a Knife”, I like how the title relates to the following lyrics: _…and how was I to know, that you’ve been letting go. Now it cuts like a knife, and it feels soooooooo, right…YEAH!_ Just for sheer maudlin grotesquery and delivery, there’s “I was the black sheep of the _fa_-mi-ly” from Terry Jacks’ “Seasons in the Sun”. Something in the way Lou Gramm belts out “…STAY, ALL, NIGHT…Shall I, leave you, my keys?” in Hot Blooded, that well, gets my blood goin. Skeevier-lyrics-later-on bonus! ---
**Author:** ![Author\_Balk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Author\_Balk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Author_Balk)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/24 "2019-10-08T11:29:29Z")
From Schools Out by Alice Cooper… We can’t even think of a word that rhymes ---
**Author:** ![mcgato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac8455/32.png) [@mcgato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mcgato)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/25 "2019-10-08T12:07:48Z")
Gang of Four’s “I Love a Man in a Uniform” has: To have ambition was my ambition ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/26 "2019-10-08T12:26:38Z")
> [@digs](#): > > I was doing homework while the title cut of my new Dylan album played, when I heard my dad chuckle from across the room. I realized he’d been listening to the lyrics: > > It was down in Chaynee County > A time they talk about > With his lady by his side > He took a stand > And soon the situation there > Was all but straightened out > **For he was always known > To lend a helping hand** I don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/27 "2019-10-08T13:08:21Z")
Faith Hill, “This Kiss”: Cinderella said to Snow White Why does love get so off-course All I wanted was a white knight With a good heart, soft touch, **fast horse** ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/28 "2019-10-08T13:14:39Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > I don’t get it. Not overt hilarity, just the humor of a wild west “hero” who was perhaps a bungling fool. John Wesley Harding, though well-intentioned, apparently always made things more of a clusterfck. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/29 "2019-10-08T13:22:51Z")
from Reba’s masterpiece Fancy (and in an accent so think you could walk a mouse across it) “Your Pa’s runned off and I’m real sick and the baby’s going to starve to death” a dire situation, indeed. ---
**Author:** ![Gray\_Ghost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c0e974/32.png) [@Gray\_Ghost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gray_Ghost)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/30 "2019-10-08T13:35:35Z")
Zevon needs to be represented. I’ve mentioned this line before, but in “_Desperados Under The Eaves_,” he wrote: > [@](#): > > And if California slides into the ocean > Like the mystics and statistics say it will > I predict this motel will be standing until I pay my bill Not a comic song at all, but I always laugh listening to that lyric. ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/31 "2019-10-08T13:37:05Z")
> [@Author\_Balk](#): > > From Schools Out by Alice Cooper… > > We can’t even think of a word that rhymes > [@](#): > > Well we got no class > And we got no principals > And we got no innocence > We can’t even think of a word that rhymes It’s funny and works so well in the song. The Refreshments and later Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers have a trove of great songs with funny lyrics slipped in. My favorite is "Down Together “I could forget the words just one more time And hope that none of you notices” ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/32 "2019-10-08T14:15:49Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > I don’t get it. > [@digs](#): > > Not overt hilarity, just the humor of a wild west “hero” who was perhaps a bungling fool. John Wesley Harding, though well-intentioned, apparently always made things more of a clusterfck. My mind was in the gutter when reading it. ---
**Author:** ![GreenWyvern](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greenwyvern/32/2834_2.png) [@GreenWyvern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreenWyvern)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/33 "2019-10-08T14:52:15Z")
_The Desert Song_ (1929) must be a strong contender. Wonderful music, but incredibly bad lyrics for all the songs. Also, over the top hammy acting, a totally unbelievable plot, and amateurish production… but intended perfectly seriously. The best lyrics: [INDENT]Riff Song Ho! So we sing as we are riding! Ho! It’s the time you’d best be hiding low! It means the Riffs are abroad. Go, before you’ve bitten the sword! [sic] Ho! That’s the sound that comes to warn you, so In the night or early morn you know If you’re the Red Shadow’s foe The Riffs will strike with a blow That brings you woe![/INDENT] [The Riff Song from “The Desert Song” (film) 1929](https://youtu.be/_i8XFwIudGQ?t=1m16s) ---
**Author:** ![sciurophobic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cab0a1/32.png) [@sciurophobic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sciurophobic)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/34 "2019-10-08T15:22:43Z")
From Train’s [50 Ways to Say Goodbye](https://genius.com/4689964) > [@](#): > > How could you leave on Yom Kippur? ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/35 "2019-10-08T15:32:56Z")
Courtney Barnett’s _Avant Gardener_ makes me smile when she sings: _The paramedic thinks I’m clever 'cause I play guitar I think she’s clever 'cause she stops people from dying_ Priorities, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/36 "2019-10-08T15:37:15Z")
Brad Paisley Today she met me at the door Said I would have to choose If I hit that fishin’ hole today She’d be packin’ all her things And she’d be gone by noon Well I’m gonna miss her When I get home ---
**Author:** ![Clawdio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d07c76/32.png) [@Clawdio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clawdio)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/37 "2019-10-08T15:38:37Z")
Barenaked Ladies songs are filled with great humor (maybe to the point of not qualifying for this thread since they could perhaps be considered comical songs). Obvious example: If i had a million dollars I would buy you a house If i had a million dollars i would buy you some furniture for your house (maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman) More subtle (from “the old apartment”): Why did you keep the mousetrap? Why didn’t you keep the dish rack? These things used to be mine I guess they still are, I want them back ---
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/38 "2019-10-08T15:52:35Z")
Tim Minchin mostly does comical songs, but “Drowned” isn’t really one of them. He compares what his woman’s love is like, the entire time. Here’s a bit of the third verse; the funny part to me is in bold. Your love is like one last breath of salty air Your love is like a map that leads to nowhere A wine glass on a concrete floor **The overuse of metaphor** The straight ahead in a sideways glance Like the misstep in a dance ---
**Author:** ![jaycat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat/32/3015_2.png) [@jaycat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jaycat)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/39 "2019-10-08T16:28:00Z")
I saw you making love with him You forgot to close the garage door. ---
**Author:** ![squidfood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a87d85/32.png) [@squidfood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squidfood)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/40 "2019-10-08T16:39:15Z")
I always loved Neil Diamond on The Monkees _A Little Bit Me A Little Bit You_: Girl I don’t want to find I’m a little bit wrong And you’re a little bit right. (that sort of concession never won me many arguments). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452.md?page=3)