# What is the funniest lyric in a non-comical song? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 7, 2019, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452 "2019-10-07T20:42:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/41 "2019-10-08T16:46:44Z")
Some more Zevon: _I went home with a waitress the way I always do How was I to know she was with the Russians, too?_ ---
**Author:** ![FastDan1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fastdan1/32/427_2.png) [@FastDan1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FastDan1)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/42 "2019-10-08T16:50:49Z")
One could debate as to whether “If I Had A Million Dollars” by Barenaked Ladies is non-comical, but… If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars) I’d buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that’s cruel) Followed later in the song by… If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars) Well I’d buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that’s cruel) ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/43 "2019-10-08T16:56:38Z")
David Allen Coe’s. 'You never even call me by my Name" He adds a verse at the end to make it the ‘perfect’ country song. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/44 "2019-10-08T18:22:45Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > David Allen Coe’s. 'You never even call me by my Name" > He adds a verse at the end to make it the ‘perfect’ country song. Don’t leave ‘em hangin’, **Beck**! Well, a friend of mine named Steve Goodman wrote that song And he told me it was the perfect country & western song I wrote him back a letter and I told him it was not the perfect country & western song Because he hadn’t said anything at all about mama Or trains, or trucks, or prison, or getting’ drunk Well, he sat down and wrote another verse to the song and he sent it to me And after reading it I realized that my friend had written the perfect country & western song And I felt obliged to include it on this album The last verse goes like this here _Well, I was drunk the day my mom got out of prison And I went to pick her up in the rain But before I could get to the station in my pickup truck She got run over by a damned old train_ ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/45 "2019-10-08T18:23:57Z")
^^Thx ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/46 "2019-10-08T18:41:25Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > David Allen Coe’s. 'You never even call me by my Name" > He adds a verse at the end to make it the ‘perfect’ country song. For anyone who hasn’t heard it, you _have_ \*to. [Here it is live](https://youtu.be/WheR269FKBo?t=128), cued up to his explanation… _You may never have encountered a Mandatory Obligatory Verse in your life, but that doesn’t change the fact that it is. And this has been running through my head since I read the thread title:_ She heard about a family living in the USA, Y’know they traded in their baby on a Chevrolet.\* -More Elvis C. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/47 "2019-10-08T19:06:00Z")
“I’m sick of elephants and clowns. I want to run away and join the office.” -Mike Doughty, “American Car” ---
**Author:** ![Treppenwitz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treppenwitz/32/3445_2.png) [@Treppenwitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Treppenwitz)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/48 "2019-10-08T19:25:39Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > A few of Dylan’s always cracked me up > > Brownsville Girl “Way down in Mexico you went out to find a doctor and you never came back > I would have gone on after you but I didn’t feel like letting my head get blown off” > > Idiot Wind “She inherited a million bucks and when she died, it came to me. I can’t help it if I’m lucky” > > Desolation Row “Cinderella she seems so easy…” Can I add Tangled Up In Blue? _I had a job in the great north woods Working as a cook for a spell But I never did like it all that much And one day the axe just fell_ j ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/49 "2019-10-08T19:26:42Z")
Happy Mondays _Kinky Afro_ starts off with > [@](#): > > Son, I’m 30 > I only went with your mother 'cause she’s dirty ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/50 "2019-10-08T19:37:37Z")
Springsteen’s **Does this bus stop at 82nd street?** > [@](#): > > Wizard imps and sweat sock pimps > Interstellar mongrel nymphs > Rex said that lady left him limp > Love’s like that (sure it is) ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/51 "2019-10-08T20:44:07Z")
I’ve always liked this one from Mark Chesnutt’s country song “Bubba Shot the Jukebox”: _Reckless discharge of a gun That’s what the officers are claimin’ Bubba hollered out, “Reckless, hell! I hit just where I was aimin’!”_ ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/52 "2019-10-08T22:33:13Z")
> [@squidfood](#): > > …Girl > I don’t want to find > I’m a little bit wrong > And you’re a little bit right… I always took that as “I don’t want to _fight_”. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/53 "2019-10-08T22:44:31Z")
More **John Prine** : She said “Carl, take all the money” She called everybody Carl Well, I sat there at the table and I acted real naive For I knew that topless lady had something up her sleeve And more **Dylan** : Gonna raise me an army, some tough sons of bitches I’ll recruit my army from the orphanages And I say, “Aw come on now You know, you know about my debutante” And she says, “Your debutante just knows what you need But I know what you want” ---
**Author:** ![peccavi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peccavi/32/388_2.png) [@peccavi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peccavi)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/54 "2019-10-08T23:24:44Z")
This stanza from **Leonard Cohen’s** \*Everybody Knows \*always struck me as funny, or at least wry: Everybody knows that you love me baby Everybody knows that you really do Everybody knows that you’ve been faithful Ah, give or take a night or two Everybody knows you’ve been discreet But there were so many people you just had to meet Without your clothes And everybody knows ---
**Author:** ![Banksiaman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banksiaman/32/3334_2.png) [@Banksiaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banksiaman)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2019, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/55 "2019-10-08T23:30:14Z")
> [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](#): > > Elvis Costello has lots of lyrics that are so clever they can count as funny. > > … Too true. Just one of many: ‘\* … she’s last year’s model, They call her Natasha when she looks like Elsie. I don’t want go to Chelsea\*.’ (I don’t want to go to) Chelsea. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2019, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/56 "2019-10-09T00:09:28Z")
> [@xizor](#): > > Foreigner put out a greatest hits album that had a live version of “Hot Blooded” on it. > During the song’s fade out, the lead singer sings > > “I’ll make you famous > start on your anus” > > The first time I heard that I did the classic ‘did I just hear what I thought I heard?’ Not from any cite I can find. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2019, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/57 "2019-10-09T01:20:05Z")
Two more from Elvis Costello: [Welcome To The Working Week:](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyH9xPDDy80) _Now that your picture’s in the paper being rhythmically admired And you can have anyone that you have ever desired All you gotta tell me now is why, why, why, why?_ The first lines from the first song of his first album. [Brilliant Mistake:](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfTZl3eRW_g) _She said that she was working for the ABC News It was as much of the alphabet as she knew how to use_ And one from Richard Thompson: [I Feel So Good:](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdvi8cB2Pt8) _I’m old enough to sin but I’m too young to vote Society’s been dragging on the tail of my coat Now I’ve got a suitcase full of fifty pound notes And a half-naked woman With her tongue down my throat_ ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2019, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/58 "2019-10-09T12:32:13Z")
> [@xizor](#): > > Foreigner put out a greatest hits album that had a live version of “Hot Blooded” on it. > During the song’s fade out, the lead singer sings > > “I’ll make you famous > start on your anus” > > The first time I heard that I did the classic ‘did I just hear what I thought I heard?’ > [@DrDeth](#): > > Not from any cite I can find. That’s because it’s a one of those common misheard lyrics, although \*\*xizor \*\*has the details a little wrong. The album is actually [_Records_(1982)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Records_(album)) which was a compilation of hits from their first four albums which included a live cut of “Hot-Blooded” from a 1978 performance at the Rainbow. Amazingly, this live concert was just released on DVD in 2019 and the version cited is posted [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?reload=9&v=34bcKbcHSoo) The lyric in question does not occur during the song’s fade out (in fact, there is no fade-out) but at 4:25 you can hear Lou Gramm sing “I’ll make you famous…” and pause until he sings the next line… “I’m far underrated” It’s a little hard to hear, but if you turn the volume up it’s clear he’s not saying “I’ll start with your anus” or " a star on Uranus" ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2019, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/59 "2019-10-09T16:14:32Z")
Huey Lewis and the News, “Bad Is Bad”: _Across the street, a neon sign “All you can eat for a dollar ninety-nine Our soul stew is the baddest in the land” But, uh, one dollar’s worth was all that I could stand_ ---
**Author:** ![Author\_Balk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Author\_Balk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Author_Balk)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2019, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452/60 "2019-10-09T17:01:14Z")
Another Barenaked Ladies song. Pinch Me I could hide out under there I just made you say ‘Underwear’ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-funniest-lyric-in-a-non-comical-song/841452.md?page=4)