# What is the goal when people grossly mislead regarding their appearance in dating? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 7, 2015, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684 "2015-12-07T06:04:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/41 "2015-12-07T20:03:33Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Women in wheelchairs have success too. Sometimes a physical limitation is very intriguing to people. No, it’s really not. Not unless you are a devotee. In my 15+ years using a wheelchair, I’ve never dated anyone who was “intrigued” by my physical limitations. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/42 "2015-12-07T20:05:49Z")
I will never, ever, for the life of me understand this. Pretending you’re a hot young girl who will never meet her suitors so suckers will send presents and cashola? Shady as fuck, but understandable. Doing it just to troll people? Slightly less understandable, but some people get their jollies fucking with people on the internet, so whatever. Lying to someone you plan to meet face-to-face? [Why would you do this](http://i.imgur.com/DweDDx0.gif)? And if your goal is to get laid, not going to happen. You do realize I’m not under contract to bang you just because we grabbed a drink, right? I’ve actually stopped humoring people by carrying on the date, and have just left when people misrepresent themselves. This one guy sent me a string of butthurt texts afterward, which totally made me change my mind about him. I’ve rarely experienced anything outside of Merchandising 101, but it’s been at times to such an extreme level that they might as well have posted a photo of an entirely different person. Tons of ridiculous height padding, too. Looking at you, dude who claimed to be 5’9" even though he’s shorter than I am! (Hint: I am shorter than 5’9".) ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/43 "2015-12-07T20:06:32Z")
I’ll put it this way: I want someone who is attracted to me despite my disability, not because of it. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/44 "2015-12-07T20:11:02Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > No, it’s really not. Not unless you are a devotee. In my 15+ years using a wheelchair, I’ve never dated anyone who was “intrigued” by my physical limitations. To be fair, when they read about your 36" “rims” they weren’t thinking what you were thinking 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/45 "2015-12-07T20:21:38Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > How do you explain the fact that I, a _wheelchair user_ have success on dating sites? Surely I’m not in that coveted “10%”. Don’t sell yourself short, man. You’re independently wealthy and you’ve got muscles. You’re at least in the top 20%. 🙂 I’m not saying that guys don’t have it harder than women (I think they do). I’m not saying that a little gilding of the lily isn’t required in some cases (omitting a felony conviction from your dating profile can’t hurt). But I dunno. All I have to go on is what I see. I simply don’t see a whole lot of unmatched guys. And the unmatched guys I do see are voluntarily so. If the dating game was staked against 90% of guys, it sure doesn’t seem like it. Maybe 20% or 30%. But 90%, no. **Velocity** , do you think women are more open-minded when they meet a guy face-to-face than when they are “shopping” online? If you think honest guys are more likely to strike out online, then do you think they have the same problem when they are picking up women at bars and ice cream socials? If so, then I don’t see why you’re pointing out \*\*Wesley’s “internet” qualifier. And if honest average guys have it easier in face-to-face interactions, then the solution seems pretty simple to me: stop trying to hook up with “internet” girls. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/46 "2015-12-07T20:48:33Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Lying to someone you plan to meet face-to-face? [Why would you do this](http://i.imgur.com/DweDDx0.gif)? You don’t want to date that guy anyway. For one thing, he’s married with kids. For another, he has a super shitty job and is getting laid off in about a year. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/47 "2015-12-07T20:50:35Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Women in wheelchairs have success too. Sometimes a physical limitation is very intriguing to people. You really need to think that one through. A man sexually interested in a woman in a wheelchair likely has very different motives than the other way around. Not comparable situations. > [@Ambivalid](#): > > Wesley Clark, you’re funny. How about you take a gander at some of the less-than-knockout women on dating sites? There is no possible way there women are all after the top 5 or 10% of men. Of course they’re all _after_ the top 5 or 10%, it’s just a question of where they’re willing to settle. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/48 "2015-12-07T20:53:54Z")
From my own experiences, it can get pretty frustrating online dating. You start out with an idea of the perfect mate, and when looking at potential dates you are extremely selective to find someone that matches exactly what you are asking for. After that wears off, you expand your parameters because there doesn’t seem to be many profiles matching exactly what you are looking for. After you send out a dozen or so hello messages and get zero replies, you start wondering if you are doing something wrong, so you extend your parameters again. Now, after still getting no replies you find a thread or two about online dating where woman complain they get flooded with requests and have to delete 95% of them unread just to cut down on the noise. So then you spent a lonely Sunday night sending out about 50-60 hello message to people that match your most basic parameters (age and location), and get maybe three responses. At this point I gave up, but I could certainly see where some guys would figure they need to make their profile so irresistible that women will not ignore it anymore. Some up goes the exaggerations and misleading photos. Leading to warier women. Problem worsens. Switching to a pay site did improve my success rate, but I have no idea what can help the free sites. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/49 "2015-12-07T21:26:15Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > You really need to think that one through. A man sexually interested in a woman in a wheelchair likely has very different motives than the other way around. Not comparable situations. I’m seriously not following you, could you elaborate? How is man being interested in a woman in a wheelchair so very different from a woman being interested in a man in a wheelchair? ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/50 "2015-12-07T22:00:45Z")
> [@astro](#): > > I’m seriously not following you, could you elaborate? How is man being interested in a woman in a wheelchair so very different from a woman being interested in a man in a wheelchair? I don’t really want to derail this thread too much, but do you understand how (heterosexual) sex works? ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/51 "2015-12-07T22:05:59Z")
> [@xizor](#): > > Some up goes the exaggerations and misleading photos. Leading to warier women. Problem worsens. Switching to a pay site did improve my success rate, but I have no idea what can help the free sites. Groopons. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/52 "2015-12-07T22:14:59Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > I don’t really want to derail this thread too much, but do you understand how (heterosexual) sex works? I do and being a wheelchair would obviously necessitate that the non-wheelchair partner male or female accommodate those limitations. I’m really not groking where you’re going with this. Women and men in wheelchairs aren’t blowup dolls they’re people and sexual relations will involve adjustments . What is it that a man wants out of a woman in wheelchair? What is it that a woman wants out of a man in wheelchair? We’re adults, lay it out. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/53 "2015-12-07T22:21:09Z")
> [@astro](#): > > . What is it that a man wants out of a woman in wheelchair? > > What is it that a woman wants out of a man in wheelchair A woman wants someone she can take care of. A man wants sex, and a disabled woman is likely to be desperate and willing (at least the man thinks so). (Of course, these are enormous generalizations and there are plenty of exceptions, I’m speaking of the “dating world”) ---
**Author:** ![Memnon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f1d935/32.png) [@Memnon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Memnon)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/54 "2015-12-07T22:24:25Z")
I remember reading a study once which found that women on dating sites rank **80%** of men as being uglier than **average**. Yeah. Maybe these guys are aware of this phenomenon and are so insecure about their looks that they decided to use a picture they felt would be more likely to fall into that vaunted 20% bracket. Then again, if they’re aware of _that_ they should also be aware of other studies which show that, for women, male sexual attractiveness correlates strongly with wealth, so it’d make more sense to just lie about their income rather than their looks, especially given that they seem to be so bad at math 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/55 "2015-12-07T22:27:07Z")
I don’t even understand this talk of wealth or income, it’s something that rarely even comes up in conversation with girls and I rarely see the section to list one’s income filled out. It’s always blank. Mines blank. Do most guys fill that in? ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/56 "2015-12-07T22:32:36Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I don’t even understand this talk of wealth or income, it’s something that rarely even comes up in conversation with girls and I rarely see the section to list one’s income filled out. It’s always blank. Mines blank. Do most guys fill that in? If you are young, fit and/or buff enough you can skip a lot of the status stuff. If you are a pudgy, balding, 50 year old you’d better have some status markers. On [match.com](http://match.com) which skews to a bit older demographic than other dating services it’s usually filled in. ---
**Author:** ![Memnon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f1d935/32.png) [@Memnon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Memnon)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/57 "2015-12-07T22:35:14Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I don’t even understand this talk of wealth or income, it’s something that rarely even comes up in conversation with girls and I rarely see the section to list one’s income filled out. It’s always blank. Mines blank. Do most guys fill that in? It’s considered rather gauche to brag about it on one’s profile, but if you not-so-subtly hint you’ve got a bit of money you definitely [improve your odds.](http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1561991/Men-seek-beauty-women-want-wealth.html) ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/58 "2015-12-07T22:38:31Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > This doesn’t contradict what he said at all. > Let’s say an unattractive man, on a dating website, finds that only 1 woman expresses interest in him. She becomes his girlfriend. > Now let’s say a highly attractive man, on a dating website, finds that 100 women express interest in him. He has numerous dates, but eventually decides that one woman is ‘the one.’ She becomes his girlfriend. > In both cases, both men ended up with girlfriends. But one had far more options than the other. I’m still unsure why this is controversial. I never said that the masses of average men never date, just that they have to put up with a lot of silence (especially online) when trying to do it. I’ve known men who I would consider elite because of their looks, income, status, etc. I knew one guy who said that when he wrote messages to women he got replies about 80% of the time. Most men would kill to have an 80% reply rate. However these elite men still had problems, they had a lot of female flakes, abusers and users to contend with. If you are just after sex that isn’t a problem, but if anything some of the really attractive guys acted like their looks were a detriment to forming a healthy relationship with a woman (due to the women not caring about looking past the mans looks, or due to women’s jealousy and insecurity issues coming up, etc). And it isn’t just men who catfish to run experiments and examine the results, women can do it too. > **[4 Things I Learned from the Worst Online Dating Profile Ever](https://www.cracked.com/blog/4-things-i-learned-from-worst-online-dating-profile-ever)** > > I made the OkCupid profile of the Worst Woman on Earth, hoping to prove that there exists an online dating profile so loathsome that no man would message it. I failed. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/59 "2015-12-07T22:39:52Z")
> [@astro](#): > > I do and being a wheelchair would obviously necessitate that the non-wheelchair partner male or female accommodate those limitations. I’m really not groking where you’re going with this. Women and men in wheelchairs aren’t blowup dolls they’re people and sexual relations will involve adjustments . > > What is it that a man wants out of a woman in wheelchair? > > What is it that a woman wants out of a man in wheelchair? > > We’re adults, lay it out. _sigh_ A heterosexual man wants a hole to fuck. A woman being paraplegic or quadriplegic really doesn’t hinder that goal at all, and some might even see it as a desirable quality because her limited mobility would give him a greater sense of power/control over her. A woman is generally more passive in sex anyway by design, so it’s not as big of a deal to an able-bodied male. A heterosexual woman wants an erect dick to fuck her. A man being paraplegic or quadriplegic, from what I understand, is probably going to have difficulty with getting/sustaining erections, and he cannot be as active in the role in terms of positions and exerting thrust, etc. I honestly don’t know to what degree, and from what I’ve heard/read I think it may still be possible for some to have penetrative sex. But it’s certainly a much greater challenge for a man in a wheelchair to have penetrative hetero sex than it is for a woman in a wheelchair to have penetrative hetero sex. So it just came off to me as really insensitive and dumb for you to respond to **Ambivalid** ’s comment with “Yeah, and women in wheelchairs do well in dating too!” when the challenge isn’t even remotely comparable. Creepy guys will happily line up in droves to fuck a woman in a wheelchair, but not so much the other way around. Major respect to **Ambivalid** and other disabled men for overcoming that challenge. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2015, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/60 "2015-12-07T22:41:36Z")
> [@Tithonus](#): > > It’s considered rather gauche to brag about it on one’s profile, but if you not-so-subtly hint you’ve got a bit of money you definitely [improve your odds.](http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1561991/Men-seek-beauty-women-want-wealth.html) Huh. I still see no need. Maybe in a decade or two. Speaking well, being dressed well in any pics i have and being well groomed has been all the subtlety I’ve needed. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684.md?page=4)