# What is the goal when people grossly mislead regarding their appearance in dating? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 7, 2015, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684 "2015-12-07T06:04:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![iljitsch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/77aa72/32.png) [@iljitsch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iljitsch)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/101 "2015-12-09T13:10:52Z")
One wonders what happens when two people who both completely misrepresented themselves meet up. Disgust? Love at first sight? One reason people may be lying about themselves is because they think everyone else is doing the same. But are the misrepresenters people who wouldn’t be able to meet anyone if they were truthful? ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/102 "2015-12-09T17:29:02Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > > [@Rigamarole](#): > > > > Wait a second **Stoid** , are you suggesting that there’s something wrong with men only dating, or trying to date women who are more physically attractive than they are? > > It is foolish to only try to date someone out of your league and then bemoan how hard it is to get a date. > > But I don’t think it is wrong to try to woo someone who is more physically attractive than you are, provided you are similarly matched in other respects. Well, I asked **Stoid** specifically, but I guess she’s not going to respond. It’s just that I seem to recall her posting a personal ad of hers where she made it quite clear she wanted someone younger, hotter, and thinner than herself. So it’s a peculiar thing for her to comment on men doing exactly that kind of behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Do\_Not\_Taunt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/do_not_taunt/32/2968_2.png) [@Do\_Not\_Taunt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Do_Not_Taunt)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/103 "2015-12-09T17:50:42Z")
> [@xizor](#): > > One was a “thanks but I already found someone” response and the other two were the kind that after a few messages the conversation went nowhere. And it does crush your confidence when your “strike up a conversation” success rate is so abysmal. Ah, the way you wrote it originally made me think you didn’t respond at all, rather than responding and having the conversation fizzle out. This makes sense, and I can totally get how it’s demoralizing. Glad you found better success with the pay sites. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/104 "2015-12-09T18:37:12Z")
> [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](#): > > And below-average women, too. IMHO, there are many more women who feel entitled to “date up” when it comes to looks and will reject all men below 7 or so on a 10 scale. In my experience, the men are typically being unrealistic about how hot of women they can expect to actually date (e.g. guys who quibble about whether or not Reese Witherspoon is attractive or not), and women are being equally unrealistic, but about different things, usually status indicators Like for example, you’ll find fugly-ass women making statements like “I won’t date men under 6’” or “He had better have a nice car” or things like that. And I think “Uh… you look like Jabba the Hutt in makeup and fake eyelashes; you probably shouldn’t be being so picky. If you end up with a guy who looks like Jabba with a neckbeard, you should probably count yourself lucky.” ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/105 "2015-12-09T18:59:29Z")
> [@iljitsch](#): > > One wonders what happens when two people who both completely misrepresented themselves meet up. Disgust? Love at first sight? Do they even manage to meet up if neither are recognisable from their photos? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/106 "2015-12-09T21:55:53Z")
> [@bump](#): > > Like for example, you’ll find fugly-ass women making statements like “I won’t date men under 6’” or “He had better have a nice car” or things like that. And I think “Uh… you look like Jabba the Hutt in makeup and fake eyelashes; you probably shouldn’t be being so picky. If you end up with a guy who looks like Jabba with a neckbeard, you should probably count yourself lucky.” Do women actually express a requirement for a guy to have a nice car? I have never heard of such a thing. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/107 "2015-12-09T22:01:36Z")
I hear guys saying it all the time. I don’t hear women saying it. ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/108 "2015-12-09T22:25:41Z")
Well **Onomatopoeia** , this is just one data point but my wife’s retired Aunt was telling me about trying online dating and complained to me about a guy showing to pick her up in an old like 80’s Toyota Carolla or something, now it wasn’t necessarily the car maybe it was the inference that he didn’t have a lot of money or something I’m not sure, she just said it was tacky lol, she isn’t hurting for money and drives a BMW SUV. She’s pretty good looking too I think she said the guy also lied about his height, so maybe it was multiple things not just the car. ---
**Author:** ![DoggyDunnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@DoggyDunnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoggyDunnit)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/109 "2015-12-09T23:30:53Z")
> [@Onomatopoeia](#): > > Do women actually express a requirement for a guy to have a nice car? I have never heard of such a thing. Gay men frequently do this, too. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2015, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/110 "2015-12-09T23:46:22Z")
> [@Onomatopoeia](#): > > Do women actually express a requirement for a guy to have a nice car? I have never heard of such a thing. Lawl. It’s why God gave us BMW’s. For fake-ass women to decide what douche should fuck them. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2015, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/111 "2015-12-10T00:41:07Z")
> [@Filbert](#): > > Do they even manage to meet up if neither are recognisable from their photos? 😛 Well, in my lone catfish experience, when I got to the place where we were supposed to meet, I didn’t see (or at least recognize) her anywhere. It was only because she cheerfully waved me down that I ended up figuring out who she was. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2015, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/112 "2015-12-10T00:44:50Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > Lawl. It’s why God gave us BMW’s. For fake-ass women to decide what douche should fuck them. You’ve got your anatomy confused. On women like that the fake part is usually installed on the front, not on the rump. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2015, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/113 "2015-12-10T02:51:35Z")
> [@Onomatopoeia](#): > > Do women actually express a requirement for a guy to have a nice car? I have never heard of such a thing. > [@DoggyDunnit](#): > > Gay men frequently do this, too. Really? Why? I don’t picture gay guys as being so superficial and attracted to pretense. Why do they care whether or not the other guy has a nice car? ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2015, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/114 "2015-12-10T03:24:46Z")
> [@Onomatopoeia](#): > > I don’t picture gay guys as being so superficial So, you’ve never met a gay guy? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2015, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/115 "2015-12-10T03:30:30Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > So, you’ve never met a gay guy? lol ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2015, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/116 "2015-12-10T04:57:41Z")
> [@xizor](#): > > After you send out a dozen or so hello messages and get zero replies > [@xizor](#): > > So then you spent a lonely Sunday night sending out about 50-60 hello message to people that match your most basic parameters (age and location), and get maybe three responses. Do your messages only say “hello”? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2015, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/117 "2015-12-10T05:07:38Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Do your messages only say “hello”? Yeah that would be a guaranteed “no reply”. You’d just be one of a hundred other "hello"s that day. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2015, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/118 "2015-12-10T05:44:28Z")
Exactly. I’ve actually added language to my “you should message me if…” section that says something like, “you’ll write more than just ‘hi’.” ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2015, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/119 "2015-12-10T05:52:32Z")
One segment that deserves its own thread is western men looking for Filipina brides online. It’s understandable that not all men are really looking for a permanent relation but nearly all Filipinas are. The injustice is partly balanced by the girl’s aggressive efforts to find a man willing to marry her (several prospects at any time.) Guys test a particular girl online using several dummy accounts, with hilarious results. I find that somewhat unfair to the girl though. “In love and war…” ---
**Author:** ![DoggyDunnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@DoggyDunnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoggyDunnit)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2015, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/120 "2015-12-10T07:15:34Z")
> [@Onomatopoeia](#): > > Really? Why? I don’t picture gay guys as being so superficial and attracted to pretense. Why do they care whether or not the other guy has a nice car? Why gay men are generally so shallow is one of the great mysteries of life, like why we haven’t made contact with aliens yet, why many people still don’t recycle, and why some people insist nuts in cake taste good. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684.md?page=7)