# What is the goal when people grossly mislead regarding their appearance in dating? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 7, 2015, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684 "2015-12-07T06:04:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2015, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/121 "2015-12-10T07:32:48Z")
> [@DoggyDunnit](#): > > Why gay men are generally so shallow is one of the great mysteries of life, like why we haven’t made contact with aliens yet, why many people still don’t recycle, and why some people insist nuts in cake taste good. Gay men are still men. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2015, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/122 "2015-12-10T08:13:26Z")
Nuts can be delicious in cake. Especially if they’re processed into meal or paste. I once had an almond and chocolate flourless torte that was to die for. The Russian import grocery around the block has a wonderful layer cake that has hazelnut paste filling between the layers. But I digress. Back to your discussion of people’s shallowness. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2015, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/123 "2015-12-10T12:49:39Z")
The goal is pretty clearly to get a foot in the door and get that first date, hoping that your scintillating personality will carry the day and result in a second date, despite the discrepancies between what you posted and reality. I once dated a woman who lied about her age on her profile (this was in the pre-internet days, when communications often lacked photos as well). She lied very significantly about her weight – she was by far the largest woman I ever dated. I was very surprised when I saw her at the beginning of the date, but the strategy worked in her case. We continued dating for several months. I thought we had too many things not in common, however. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2015, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/124 "2015-12-10T14:25:03Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Gay men are still men. I know gay men can be very superficial and demanding regard appearances but I didn’t know they demanded wealth from potential suitors too. Is that a common thing, do gay men respond to displays of wealth and power the same way women generally do (very positively)? If so, then being a gay guy sounds fairly unpleasant. You’d have to contend with the physical superficiality of a man but the gold digging impulses of a woman at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2015, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/125 "2015-12-10T16:26:19Z")
U mean women cant be superficial about looks :dubious: They are better about looking past them. ---
**Author:** ![DoggyDunnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@DoggyDunnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoggyDunnit)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2015, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/126 "2015-12-10T16:48:13Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > If so, then being a gay guy sounds fairly unpleasant. You’d have to contend with the physical superficiality of a man but the gold digging impulses of a woman at the same time. You said it better than I ever could have. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2015, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/127 "2015-12-10T17:55:07Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > I know gay men can be very superficial and demanding regard appearances but I didn’t know they demanded wealth from potential suitors too. Is that a common thing, do gay men respond to displays of wealth and power the same way women generally do (very positively)? > > If so, then being a gay guy sounds fairly unpleasant. You’d have to contend with the physical superficiality of a man but the gold digging impulses of a woman at the same time. I think it’s offset by the fact that gay men are still men, and as such are generally raging horndogs. So there’s not so much of the cat or mouse game that men and women play, where the men try to get laid, and the women try to extract some kind of relationship out of the deal, using sex as the prize. Rather, it’s as if both sides are as eager to get laid as, well, men. Or so my gay buddies tell me. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2015, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/128 "2015-12-10T19:11:48Z")
> [@bump](#): > > So there’s not so much of the cat or mouse game that men and women play, where the men try to get laid, and the women try to extract some kind of relationship out of the deal, using sex as the prize. Thus leading to not always accurate, but amusing stereotypes: the idea that gay men’s bars are hurricanes of constant anonymous sex, while the joke on the other side is “Q: What does a lesbian bring on a second date? A: A U-Haul.” ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2015, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684/129 "2015-12-10T19:40:00Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Do your messages only say “hello”? By “hello message” I meant a brief introductory message introducing myself and asking one or two questions about the girl’s profile. I do get your point, but it does seem the more well crafted messages you write that get no reply makes you invest less time in writing the next one, until you either have a boilerplate message with mad-lib spaces to fill in or a one sentence message. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-goal-when-people-grossly-mislead-regarding-their-appearance-in-dating/739684.md?page=6)