# What is the Least of 'All You Can Be' in the Army? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [November 1, 2004, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436 "2004-11-01T23:10:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2004, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436/1 "2004-11-01T23:10:41Z")
Suppose I join the Army. I’m not the brightest bulb in the string – after all the testing they find in fact that I am one of the dimmest. They’ve asked me what I want to do. I simply tell my recruiters or other authority figures that I’m fine with whatever they think would be best for me and the Army both. What are the typicsl jobs they give to the recruits just smart enough not to be kicked out for medical deficiencies? ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2004, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436/2 "2004-11-01T23:13:48Z")
Have you ever heard the term “cannon fodder”? ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2004, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436/3 "2004-11-01T23:19:00Z")
The military has no shortage of shit jobs so it’s no problem finding something for said dim bulbs to do. There is however, no designated specialty for bilge scrubber, paint chipper, latrine digger, etc. as they are not considered a viable career path. This is a moot point as such an underachiever likely won’t rise high enough in rank to make that an issue. In the navy I knew one sailor who was happily stalled at pay grade E-2, airman apprentice, because his principles did not allow him exert himself to take the E-3 test. He was fine with being promoted to E-2 since it only required him to breathe for six months. He never became a designated striker for any specialty rating and was an airman only by virtue of being assigned to a fighter squadron rather than a ship’s deck division where he would have been a seaman apprentice. ---
**Author:** ![SusanStoHelit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@SusanStoHelit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SusanStoHelit)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2004, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436/4 "2004-11-01T23:29:47Z")
My friend (with many mental problems) had to take the test 3 times before he got in. They put him to work in the Supplies Room at every place he went. They told him this would give him the experience to manage warehouses or something similar when he got out. He’s working at McDonald’s now, and not in ordering - he’s a cashier. ---
**Author:** ![Roches](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bc8723/32.png) [@Roches](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roches)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2004, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436/5 "2004-11-01T23:38:34Z")
Military job descriptions are publically available, and there’s a lot of them. Someone more familiar with this might be able to give many examples of really bad jobs. It’d also be interesting to know how likely it would be to get a really cool job like the ones in recruitment ads, like attack helicopter pilot or something in the special forces. A lot of the bad jobs are often contracted out. It’s probably substantially cheaper that way since the military wouldn’t have to provide long-term benefits for these workers. You could also consider a different interpretation of ‘all you can be’. If someone really isn’t capable of being anything more than an assistant paint-scraper or apprentice sanitation facilities cleaner, they might well be better off doing these jobs in the military since they’d get better benefits (possibly including housing) and more job security than they’d get in the private sector, and maybe even better wages. And that would be all they could be. ---
**Author:** ![Roches](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bc8723/32.png) [@Roches](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roches)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2004, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436/6 "2004-11-01T23:41:01Z")
SusanStoHelit: Aren’t cashiers considered above kitchen staff in the McDonalds hierarchy? IIRC new employees start out in the kitchen and can be sent back there if they don’t do well as cashiers. ---
**Author:** ![TheOtherOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dbc845/32.png) [@TheOtherOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheOtherOne)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2004, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436/7 "2004-11-01T23:50:30Z")
[hijack] I used to work at McD’s and I tried to avoid moving to cashier so I wouldn’t have to deal with the customers… [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2004, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436/8 "2004-11-02T00:48:51Z")
> [@Boyo Jim](#): > > Suppose I join the Army. I’m not the brightest bulb in the string – after all the testing they find in fact that I am one of the dimmest. > > They’ve asked me what I want to do. I simply tell my recruiters or other authority figures that I’m fine with whatever they think would be best for me and the Army both. > > What are the typicsl jobs they give to the recruits just smart enough not to be kicked out for medical deficiencies? You sound like perfect officer material. ---
**Author:** ![Roches](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bc8723/32.png) [@Roches](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roches)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2004, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436/9 "2004-11-02T00:54:26Z")
Speaking of officers, what is an officer likely to become if they only barely qualified? Granted the standards are probably high enough that even those who barely pass are pretty good, but there’d have to be some undesirable officer-level jobs. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2004, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436/10 "2004-11-02T00:55:06Z")
I hate to say this, but when I was in the Army - granted, Canadian, but they’re all more or less the same - the, umm, “special” soldiers were all shunted into administration and logistics. ---
**Author:** ![adirondack\_mike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5a626/32.png) [@adirondack\_mike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adirondack_mike)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2004, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436/11 "2004-11-02T00:57:20Z")
> [@Roches](#): > > Speaking of officers, what is an officer likely to become if they only barely qualified? uncommissioned. ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2004, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436/12 "2004-11-02T01:06:44Z")
> [@Boyo Jim](#): > > Suppose I join the Army. I’m not the brightest bulb in the string – after all the testing they find in fact that I am one of the dimmest. Are you saying that because you want to join the Army, you’re not too bright? OR You’re just not very bright anyway? Do you still have to graduate highschool or have a GED in order to join? If so, then you probably won’t have to worry about it, hmm? Shit jobs in the army…as opposed to what? 😕 **cannon fodder** … heh 😃 try the USMC ---
**Author:** ![SusanStoHelit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@SusanStoHelit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SusanStoHelit)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2004, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436/13 "2004-11-02T01:18:08Z")
> [@](#): > > You could also consider a different interpretation of ‘all you can be’. If someone really isn’t capable of being anything more than an assistant paint-scraper or apprentice sanitation facilities cleaner, they might well be better off doing these jobs in the military since they’d get better benefits (possibly including housing) and more job security than they’d get in the private sector, and maybe even better wages. And that would be all they could be Definitely. I really worry about my friend since he got out. He isn’t very good with day-to-day responsibilities (like paying bills), and for all his bitching his time in the army was the healthiest and most stable he’s ever been. ---
**Author:** ![David\_Simmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de053/32.png) [@David\_Simmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_Simmons)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2004, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436/14 "2004-11-02T02:27:02Z")
It is my firm contention, based on experience, that 2[sup]nd[/sup] Lieutenant is the absolute, iron-bound, gild-edged and silver-sealed bottom rank in the Army. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2004, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436/15 "2004-11-02T03:46:16Z")
> [@Padeye](#): > > The military has no shortage of shit jobs so it’s no problem finding something for said dim bulbs to do. There is however, no designated specialty for bilge scrubber, paint chipper, latrine digger, etc. as they are not considered a viable career path. This is a moot point as such an underachiever likely won’t rise high enough in rank to make that an issue. Which indeed is something to consider. The US military has an “up or out” policy – if you’re not making progress in your career track, and the evals say you are not likely to, when reenlistment time comes along they can say “so long, dude, it was real!”. No career PFCs. For officers, if you’re repeatedly passed over for promotion or making your commission Regular, you’ll be sent to the Reserves. As mentioned earlier, low-achieving officers are put in paper-pushing billets where they won’t make any important decisions. Low-achieving enlistees are put to moving and storing stuff. Both, until such a time as the service can safely let them go. ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2004, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436/16 "2004-11-02T04:27:30Z")
Some of the dumbest people I ever met in the military were cooks, supply types, truck drivers, medical orderlies (not actual medics or doctors, but the people who empty bedpans and push the food cart from room-to-room) and military intelligence. The combat arms specialties seemed to run the gamut of intelligence, no particular concentrations of smart or dumb. ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2004, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436/17 "2004-11-02T04:34:56Z")
> [@Roches](#): > > It’d also be interesting to know how likely it would be to get a really cool job like the ones in recruitment ads, like attack helicopter pilot or something in the special forces. Well, both of those are second- or third-tier jobs; you have to go through several layers of additiopnal training to get them. Piots are either officers or warrant officers who have passed flight school. Officers or warrant officers typically have some advanced education (I know education/=intelligence). Special Forces are generally infantry who have completed Airborne and Ranger training, neither of which are particulalry easy, mentally or physically. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2004, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436/18 "2004-11-02T05:06:31Z")
The Navy! It’s not just an adventure. It’s $119.82 a week. [from a 70s era SNL] ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2004, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436/19 "2004-11-02T06:27:33Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > The Navy! In the navy Yes, you can sail the seven seas In the navy Yes, you can put your mind at ease In the navy Come on now, fall in ‘n’ make a stand In the navy, in the navy Can’t you see we need a hand In the navy… _Village People_ Sorry **NCB** but when you said what you did, I’ve had this fuckin tune in my head ever since. So I thought I’d try to return the favor. in the navy…in the navy… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2004, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436/20 "2004-11-02T08:35:19Z")
> [@ExTank](#): > > Some of the dumbest people I ever met in the military were cooks, supply types, truck drivers, medical orderlies (not actual medics or doctors, but the people who empty bedpans and push the food cart from room-to-room) and military intelligence. > > The combat arms specialties seemed to run the gamut of intelligence, no particular concentrations of smart or dumb. Military intelligence? In the IDF, the dumbest of the dumb (and with draftees that’s pretty damn stupid) are generally assigned to Sergeant Majors to serve as general maintenance workers, and have fulfilling careers raking leaves and painting trees. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-least-of-all-you-can-be-in-the-army/272436.md?page=2)