# What is the mother of all conspiracy theories? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [June 16, 2004, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643 "2004-06-16T13:14:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643/21 "2004-06-17T13:24:04Z")
> [@Khadaji](#): > > I was just in a bar and heard - from a deliverance-looking fellow - that Bush knew about the Sept. 11 attacks, but owns huge stock in companies that make American flags and is getting wealthy off new purchases. He was quiet pationate about it too. This is officially the lamest September 11 conspiracy theory ever. Bush knew about it but let it happen to _sell flags_? What a waste of a good kook. ---
**Author:** ![Chairman\_Pow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/838e76/32.png) [@Chairman\_Pow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chairman_Pow)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643/22 "2004-06-17T14:06:53Z")
> [@vanilla](#): > > David Icke is the most all encompassing. > and entertaining. Icke’s the most encompassing because every time he sees a new movie (or Jim Marrs puts out a new book), he writes a book about it, incorporating the details into his aliens from the lower fourth dimension lunacy. He’s entertaining because he’s on the edge of coherence, but 300 pages into on, it gets old. To seriously answer the OP, the oldest conspiracy that I’ve ben able to trace is the idea that the human race was created/modified by aliens for work as miners before one of the aliens lead an uprising because he a) liked humans and wanted them to be free or b) wanted a bigger share of the profits. That was the oldest in terms of going back the furthest in human history. As far as what was the oldest conspiracy theory that people believed, the oldest one that could be confirmed would be whatever was taught in the ancient mystery cults Greek and Egyptian). Of course, “confirmed” is probably not the correct term as I haven’t found evidence of what a given cult believed, but anecdotally, the cults appear to have their own agendas that were hidden from other, ergo a conspiracy. Unfortunately, records are too sketchy to go back further than that, but to be sure the first conspiracy theory was hatched when some ape looked at his mate and another male and said, “I think they’re fooling around. I don’t have any proof, but I got a feeling…” If you’re intersted in some conspiracy reading (yes, most of it’s complete goofiness, but some of it plays an important part in sub/culture, taking over for myths in explaining events and some of it is fun to read in its own right as intellectual exercises in “what if”), we can put together a reading list for you. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643/23 "2004-06-17T16:40:38Z")
Here’s a new one from another (geek-oriented) message board I popped by: > [@](#): > > Theory: Ronald Reagan actually died long ago, but the Republicans were waiting for an auspicious moment to stage his ‘death’ to distract the American public from the Bush administration’s woes and set off a frenzy of patriotic Republican fervor. The past ten years have been an elaborate cover-up, keeping “Reagan” out of the public eye due to his health and mental problems. > > Fact: During the long drawn-out funeral proceedings, we never saw the body. > Fact: Reagan was conveniently silent and didn’t go to public events for the past ten years. > Fact: Reagan “died” at a time when the Bush administration is facing more public scrutiny than ever for its actions in the Middle East. I’m a tad surprised the author didn’t throw in Bush’s post-funeral bump in the polls, or the subsequent burial of the Iraq torture memo news item, but it’s a start. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643/24 "2004-06-17T20:58:12Z")
Clever. But Nancy’s not that good of an actress. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643/25 "2004-06-17T21:58:16Z")
Las week I was arguing with a nutjob who believes in the vast Knights Templar / Freemasons / Illuminati / Skull and Bones conspiracy. Somehow, all these groups are connected and secretly runing the world. My uncle Frank told me back in 1976 that the world was caught in a struggle for power between the communists and the Arabs on one side and the Mafia and the Jews on the other. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643/26 "2004-06-17T22:43:09Z")
> [@](#): > > Theory: Ronald Reagan actually died long ago, but the Republicans were waiting for an auspicious moment to stage his ‘death’ to distract the American public from the Bush administration’s woes and set off a frenzy of patriotic Republican fervor. The past ten years have been an elaborate cover-up, keeping “Reagan” out of the public eye due to his health and mental problems. Actually, Reagan died in 1978. President “Reagan” was a lobotomized clone, controlled by an implanted receiver. ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Igor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Vlad\_Igor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Igor)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643/27 "2004-06-17T23:03:07Z")
I’ve seen several conspiracy theories over the years, and they all seem to be a rehash of the same set ideas. One that I found a year ago (and inbreeding on its Yahoo boards drove me here) was Zetatalk. For sheer volume alone, it would appear to be near the top. Overall, though, I have little patience for conspiracy theories, as I have little patience for unresolved cognitive dissonance. As a questions to those more patience than I: A long time ago when the web was still young, I ran across a conspiracy theory that attempted to incorporate everything from WWI and II to Iran-Contra. It was breathtaking in the multiple leaps of logic over the required suspension of belief. I haven’t seen it since, but maybe someone here has? Vlad/Igor ---
**Author:** ![Zagadka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zagadka/32/7272_2.png) [@Zagadka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zagadka)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643/28 "2004-06-17T23:11:52Z")
> [@saluki\_fan](#): > > Sometimes I just like to sit back and read miscellaneous conspiracy theories, then one day I wondered what was the first conspiracy theory ever pondered. One could say, religion. One day out hunting and mulling his problems leading the tribe, Tgnar saw a deer. He thought it was pretty, so he followed it. It led him to a watering hole rich with vegitation. He ran back to the tribe. Behold, we have been provided for, he says. The next week he is out wandering again, and sees the same deer. Again, he follows it, and sees - another tribe, hunting! Next thing you know, the Catholic Church is leading a crusade against the Persians, and all hell breaks loose. > [@](#): > > To you the straight dopers, what is your favorite conspiracy theories to analyze and what truths, if any, do you believe about any conspiracy theories that exist today? Thanks Right now, my favorite ones are the Early Earth Civilization ones - that there was a global community with pretty advanced technology (varies how advanced) and a global language, but then they got wiped out by some horrible thing (varies). ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643/29 "2004-06-18T00:22:53Z")
All those other so-called “theories” are just minute details of the _real_ vast universal conspiracy. Cuz, you see… 95 million years ago, there was this evil dude, Zeenoo, who was the ruler of an interplanetary empire. And he murdered trillions of his people by tricking them into appearing for tax audits, and then injecting them with Pina Coladas and bringing them to the planet Earth, where he not only dumped all 250 trillion of them into two volcanoes. And to make sure that much meat didn’t cool down the volcanoes and leave the top ones alive, he nuked 'em from orbit, too, because it was the only way to be sure. And because he was such a total and complete evil bastard, Zeenoo captured all the souls of the dead people, and forced them to watch religious propaganda films, bad war films, and Star Trek Deep Space Nine, and got them all hooked on drugs and gambling and rock and roll. Then he set all 250 trillion of them loose on Earth to wait for humans to evolve. And during that time, these programmed and mindwarped alien souls decided to group together in clumps of souls that all thinked alike. And when people appeared, these spiritblobs glommed onto them and made them warlike and irrational and hedonistic and cynical and worst of all, scientifically critical. And it all really sucks, because if we didn’t have all these dead alien spirits glommed onto our brains, we’d be able to fly, and transmute matter, and basically have total control over the universe. Not only that, but these aliens make it nearly impossible for you to even learn the truth, because if you are exposed to these facts before you are ready, then these aliens will make you sick and you will come down with severe health problems like pneumonia, schizophrenia, flatulence, halitosis, and abraded genitals. But fortunately, there are some people, probably even some in your home town, who can gradually expose you to the truth, save you from these pathetic alien parasites, and free your mind – all for the low, low price of $360,000. Payable in installments. Subject to certain limitations and your unquestioning loyalty and obedience. Or else they’ll sic their expert and ruthless lawyers on you, like a pack of Presa Canarios. But fortunately, I’ve done the research myself on the internet and the only problems I’ve had from learning the truth has been the abraded genitals. No. Wait. That was from the other research… So you see, I’m just fine! But I’m still working on the flying bit… ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643/30 "2004-06-18T01:16:39Z")
> [@Priceguy](#): > > This is officially the lamest September 11 conspiracy theory ever. Bush knew about it but let it happen to _sell flags_? What a waste of a good kook. LOL. He looked, as they say, as if his gene pool could use some chlorine. He was scary. ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643/31 "2004-06-18T01:34:49Z")
> [@rjung](#): > > For a modern conspiracy theory, I’ll toss out the Evil Liberal Media™. Not only is the image of reporters, writers, and media owners gathering together to plot the direction of our news laughably naive, it also flies in the face of established reality, such as ClearChannel and Rupert Murdoch’s media empire. Can you name some folks who actually hold this theory? I’ve heard any number of people talk about liberal \* bias \* in the mainstream news media (with varying degrees of plausibility), but I don’t think I’ve ever come across anybody who insisted it was an organized conspiracy. ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643/32 "2004-06-18T01:45:51Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > My favorite is probably the Illuminati theory. Or the Jack Chick Catholics rule the entire world. I gotta go with Guin on this one. The Jack Chick theory that the Catholic church is actively conspiring to destroy Protestantism and the Jews (the suppression of the King James Bible being one of their most important goals), and created Islam, Nazism and Communism as part of their nefarious machinations is flabbergasting. It is certainly the most ridiculous conspiracy theory that seems to be widely accepted in the United States. I’ve come across stranger theories, but they were held only by individuals or very small numbers of people. Of course, there’s always the theory that there exists a secret government which is working with extraterrestrials (based in Area 51, natch) to gain control of the world, the assassination of JFK being one of their jobs. But I haven’t heard much about this one lately; it seems to be fading. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643/33 "2004-06-18T02:42:52Z")
The first conspiracy theory? _Cain was framed._ ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643/34 "2004-06-18T07:00:40Z")
> [@LonesomePolecat](#): > > Can you name some folks who actually hold this theory? I’ve heard any number of people talk about liberal \* bias \* in the mainstream news media (with varying degrees of plausibility), but I don’t think I’ve ever come across anybody who insisted it was an organized conspiracy. Oh, I don’t know if anyone _truly_ believes that all the “liberal” media bosses get together in a smoke-filled room and plot how to spin the news for the next six months or whatever; I was merely tossing that out as a literary flair to mock the whole “liberal media” bullstuff. The truly remarkable thing about the “liberal media” conspiracy theory is that the only evidence folks pull forth to support it are either (a) personal interpretations of “bias” in the media, or (b) “objective” reports of media bias from right-wing think tanks. Media studies from objective groups (such as the [Pew Charitable Trusts](http://www.pewtrusts.com/)) that show a _conservative_ bias (such as [this one](http://www.kstatecollegian.com/article.php?a=617)) get quietly buried. ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643/35 "2004-06-18T12:12:48Z")
> [@rjung](#): > > Oh, I don’t know if anyone _truly_ believes that all the “liberal” media bosses get together in a smoke-filled room and plot how to spin the news for the next six months or whatever; I was merely tossing that out as a literary flair to mock the whole “liberal media” bullstuff. It looks a lot more like you’re just dismissing anyone who disagrees with you about bias in the media as stupid or crazy. > [@rjung](#): > > The truly remarkable thing about the “liberal media” conspiracy theory is that the only evidence folks pull forth to support it are either (a) personal interpretations of “bias” in the media, or (b) “objective” reports of media bias from right-wing think tanks. Media studies from objective groups (such as the [Pew Charitable Trusts](http://www.pewtrusts.com/)) that show a _conservative_ bias (such as [this one](http://www.kstatecollegian.com/article.php?a=617)) get quietly buried. As no one seriously believes in a media conspiracy theory, it is simply dishonest to accuse others of believing such a theory. By conjuring up an image of conservatives as crazy conspiracy theorists, you substitute ridicule and mockery for reasoned thought. And I’m immensely skeptical that studies which find no liberal bias in the media are any more objective than studies which do find such a bias. No such study could ever be completely objective; there will always be a high degree of subjectivity in any such study. ---
**Author:** ![Aagramn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Aagramn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aagramn)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643/36 "2004-06-18T12:15:55Z")
> [@rjung](#): > > Theory: Ronald Reagan actually died long ago, but the Republicans were waiting for an auspicious moment to stage his ‘death’ to distract the American public from the Bush administration’s woes and set off a frenzy of patriotic Republican fervor. The past ten years have been an elaborate cover-up, keeping “Reagan” out of the public eye due to his health and mental problems. Thats just stage one of the conspiracy. Reagan is really **still alive** , and just before the election they are going to stage a resurrection, passing it off as the 2nd coming. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643/37 "2004-06-18T12:48:59Z")
The homosexual agenda. I’m not quite sure what it is, but I hear about it a lot. In her book, Anita Bryant states that since homosexuals can’t breed, they have to recruit. Phelps states it’s the destruction of society by the legalization of gay marriage. I’m still not sure what it is. ---
**Author:** ![Karmagun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Karmagun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karmagun)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643/38 "2004-06-18T13:49:03Z")
Visit [Rense](http://www.rense.com) (aka dense), they’re all there. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2004, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643/39 "2004-06-19T05:38:10Z")
Just wait until you hear a right-wing paper talk about how “Big Labor” has its hands in everything. ---
**Author:** ![bonzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@bonzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bonzer)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2004, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643/40 "2004-06-19T11:48:50Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Honorable mention to the idea that aliens and UFOs have been using the Earth as their intergalactic vacation spot, but the government has covered it up since 1947. Why? That’s easy - they signed [the Plato Pact](http://www.world-action.co.uk/plato.html) with them back in 1953. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-mother-of-all-conspiracy-theories/250643.md?page=3)