# What is the single greatest line in television history? {Please include context & Episode of the Series} **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** tv-shows-scripted\ **Created:** [May 7, 2026, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892 "2026-05-07T16:30:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/1 "2026-05-07T16:30:46Z")
Scripted fictional lines only (not paragraphs), please, and no lists-just your personal favorite. If you can’t make up your mind try harder, and since this isn’t a contest it is o.k. to agree with someone else’s choice. For me it would have to be from the ABC miniseries _Laces_, when Lili (Phoebe Cates) says to the three other female leads, “Which one of you bitches is my mother?”. Yours? ---
**Author:** ![ricepad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b38774/32.png) [@ricepad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ricepad)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/2 "2026-05-07T16:32:05Z")
“As god is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.” ETA: I’m second guessing myself, positive that something else will come to me, but since this was the first one that came to me, I’m going with it. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/3 "2026-05-07T16:32:24Z")
I don’t want to be a pirate. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/5 "2026-05-07T16:32:44Z")
From? ---
**Author:** ![sciurophobic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cab0a1/32.png) [@sciurophobic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sciurophobic)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/6 "2026-05-07T16:33:31Z")
“Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake’s plane was shot down over the Sea of Japan… it spun in. There were no survivors”. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/7 "2026-05-07T16:35:43Z")
Either from the [Pilot of the Mary Tyler Moore Show](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBJfciyvahQ): Lou Grant: “I hate Spunk” From MtM production, WKRP in Cincinnati. Mr. Carlson, “As God is my Witness, I thought turkeys could fly.” The perfect ending to “Turkeys Away” one of the best episodes in TV history. [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/BGFtV6-ALoQ/hqdefault.jpg "WKRP Turkey Drop") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGFtV6-ALoQ&t=202s) ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/8 "2026-05-07T16:36:53Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > this isn’t a contest “I’m out!” _Seinfeld_, “The Contest” - Kramer quits the “no-sex” contest after spending less than a minute alone ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/9 "2026-05-07T16:38:39Z")
“Not the Momma” is from the series “Dinosaurs” I suggest "If you can’t take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home, and crawl under your bed. " from ST:TNG ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/10 "2026-05-07T16:40:29Z")
From Taxi-What does the yellow light mean? ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/11 "2026-05-07T16:40:43Z")
There was an old sitcom with Matt Frewer called “Doctor Doctor” that ran for a couple of years. One line that has always stuck with me was when someone accidentally spilled a cup of coffee in his lap and he said “Boy, I hope that was decaf or I’m going to be up all night!” Runner up is Dave Foley’s “I’ll get a space heater” line from the NewsRadio episode in space, but it’s not funny on its own, they were building up to it through the whole episode. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/12 "2026-05-07T16:44:56Z")
Actually, I was asking about the line from the post above yours: “I don’t want to be a pirate.” ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/13 "2026-05-07T16:50:40Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > One line that has always stuck with me was when someone accidentally spilled a cup of coffee in his lap and he said “Boy, I hope that was decaf or I’m going to be up all night!” I remember that one! Someone should start a thread about lines that got past the television censors. ---
**Author:** ![gregorio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/fbc32d/32.png) [@gregorio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gregorio)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/14 "2026-05-07T16:51:23Z")
“We were on a break!” So easy to slide into almost any situation in any conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/15 "2026-05-07T16:51:29Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > From Taxi-What does the yellow light mean? Go slower! My suggestion: From Angel: “And yet, somehow, I just can’t seem to care”. He says this to Holland Manners while locking Wolfram & Hart lawyers in a basement to be killed by Darla and Drusilla, two vampires, one of which W&H went out of their way to make back into a vampire after they’d reincarnated her as a human as part of their plan to hurt Angel. It’s particularly cold, as Angel is quoting Holland Manners back to himself, this is what Holland said to Angel when Angel was asking him about all the people suffering because of the evil people like the lawyers at W&H cause. [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/rN-2GemvNzA/hqdefault.jpg "I Just Don't Seem to Care") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rN-2GemvNzA) ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/16 "2026-05-07T16:51:39Z")
> [@Clay Davis](#): > > Ssshhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit many episodes of the Wire ---
**Author:** ![Orville\_mogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/aeb1de/32.png) [@Orville\_mogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orville_mogul)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/17 "2026-05-07T16:52:32Z")
It’s Seinfeld, but I don’t remember which episode ---
**Author:** ![gregorio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/fbc32d/32.png) [@gregorio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gregorio)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/18 "2026-05-07T16:52:49Z")
The puffy shirt? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/19 "2026-05-07T16:57:19Z")
> Like the eternal man of Babylonian legend, like Gilgamesh, one thousand plus two hundred years stretches before Trent. Without love, without friendship, alone From the epilogue to _Demon with a Glass Hand_, **The Outer Limits** (1964). Script by Harlan Ellison. My personal favorite science fiction TV episode of all time. ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/20 "2026-05-07T16:59:15Z")
A few contenders from the Blackadder series iMO. The one that comes immediately to mind is: > When I joined up we were still fighting colonial wars. If you saw someone in a skirt you shot him and nicked his country Blackadder IV. Espisode: General Hospital (I thought this episode was called Spy) ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/21 "2026-05-07T17:01:15Z")
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