# What is the single greatest line in television history? {Please include context & Episode of the Series} **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** tv-shows-scripted\ **Created:** [May 7, 2026, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892 "2026-05-07T16:30:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2026, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/264 "2026-05-12T11:49:42Z")
Isn’t that just a one time recording? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2026, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/265 "2026-05-12T15:06:27Z")
> [@Author\_Balk](#): > > Would Mike Post have a longer span? His work, sure, but not his voice or appearance. ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2026, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/266 "2026-05-12T15:21:42Z")
The winner in that category is probably Ed McMchon with **Here’s Johnny!** ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2026, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/267 "2026-05-12T15:45:07Z")
Late night and daytime have long-running shows with long-running talent. Susan Lucci was on _All My Children_ for 41 years, although she probably took a few weeks off during that span. That’s why I specifically mentioned prime time; it tends to have more turnover, so there aren’t a lot of people who’ve been on for 30+ years. Any of the main voice cast on _The Simpsons_ would be up there. The record might be one of the long-term correspondents on _60 Minutes_. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2026, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/268 "2026-05-12T15:54:20Z")
Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought us to this! - Tony Soprano. Don’t know the episode. ---
**Author:** ![Author\_Balk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Author\_Balk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Author_Balk)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2026, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/269 "2026-05-12T16:36:53Z")
I’m wondering if the longest running people is interesting enough for a new thread. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2026, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/270 "2026-05-16T22:46:11Z")
From _ **Seinfeld** _: Elaine is looking at the line Kramer suggests for her “Ziggy-type” cartoon: “The pig [at a _Complaints_ window] says ‘My wife is a slut’”?!? ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2026, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/271 "2026-05-16T23:48:16Z")
One of my favorites from Seinfeld. “The Implant,” S4E19. Elaine has just told Jerry that she’s sure that Jerry’s girlfriend of the week has breast implants, and he says that in that case, he’s going to break up with her (the girlfriend). And then Elaine’s line is “You know, sometimes when I think you’re the shallowest man I’ve ever met, you somehow manage to drain a little more out of the pool.” ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2026, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/272 "2026-05-17T01:13:27Z")
> [@dirtball](#): > > “The Implant,” S4E19. You bring that up and you don’t mention Sidra’s (the girlfriend) final line??? And by the way, they’re real, and they’re spectacular. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2026, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/273 "2026-05-17T01:16:20Z")
Barney Miller- “Barney, divorce is like a horse with a broken leg. You can shoot the horse, but that don’t fix the leg.” Det. Nick Yemana. ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2026, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/274 "2026-05-17T01:29:23Z")
> [@Kent\_Clark](#): > > You bring that up and you don’t mention Sidra’s (the girlfriend) final line??? > > And by the way, they’re real, and they’re spectacular. You’re right. Personally I prefer the “shallow” line. Not because it’s strikingly profound or particularly original, but just because it’s soooo perfect in context. And because Elaine herself has drained more than a little water out of that pool. But “real and spectacular” has to at least be acknowledged. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2026, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/275 "2026-05-17T01:50:39Z")
Just for the level of disgust it conveys, Derek Jacoby’s line in _ **I, Claudius** _ when John Hurt (as the mad Emperor Caligula) tells him “Now, me—I love _my_ sisters!”: “Yes, I know.” 🤢 ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2026, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/276 "2026-05-17T02:56:16Z")
Paulie - He killed 16 Czechoslovakians, he was an interior decorator. Chris - His apartment looked like shit. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2026, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/277 "2026-05-17T03:08:14Z")
Sam: What’s up, Norm? Norm: My nipples. It’s freezing out there. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2026, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/278 "2026-05-17T12:25:36Z")
Hard-pressed here, because there’s a line from _The Mary Tyler Moore Show_ that had the audience screaming with laughter so long, it is actually cut, and so is I don’t know how much footage of the actors just standing frozen. It’s a great line in context (it’s 1973, and it is probably the first time the line is said on TV), but, the next line actually tops it. It requires a LOT on context, though. First, Phyllis loves Mary and can’t stand Rhoda. Phyllis’s brother Ben, whom she admires to no end, is visiting, and Phyllis tries to fix him up with Mary, but he ends up spending a lot of time with Rhoda. Phyllis is beside herself. Near the very end, Rhoda tells Phyllis to stop worrying, Ben isn’t her type, from which Phyllis takes insult, because Ben is perfect in her eyes she says “What do you mean, he’s not your type? He’s witty, he’s attractive, he’s successful, he’s single…” At which point, Rhoda interrupts with the historic “He’s gay.” This is what sends the early 70s audience into screaming fits, but the line that actually tops it is what Phyllis says after the laughter finally dies down. “Oh Rhoda, I’m so relieved!” and gives Rhoda a hug. Maybe not remarkable out of context, but in context, so funny, I’m laughing as I type. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2026, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/279 "2026-05-17T12:43:27Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Two that I often think of from _The Good Place_. Ooh! I wasn’t going to reply, because I couldn’t think of any line that might possibly qualify. Much as I love the molotov cocktail line, though, _The Good Place_ is the only show that has reduced me to sobs. SPOILER FOR THE FINAL EPISODE AHEAD: It’s when Chidi is saying goodbye to the love of his life, the heartbroken Eleanor, before he chooses to leave the world: > [@](#): > > Picture a wave. In the ocean. You can see it, measure it, its height, the way the sunlight refracts when it passes through. And it’s there. And you can see it, you know what it is. It’s a wave. > > And then it crashes in the shore and it’s gone. But the water is still there. The wave was just a different way for the water to be, for a little while. You know it’s one conception of death for Buddhists: the wave returns to the ocean, where it came from and where it’s supposed to be It’s so beautiful, and so kind, and so sad, I’m almost tearing up again just rereading the line. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2026, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/280 "2026-05-17T18:40:33Z")
Two more: And now for something completely different. Well it’s certainly uncontaminated by cheese. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2026, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/281 "2026-05-17T19:04:55Z")
Mary Tyler Moore show: Mary has had a talk with Lou Grant about his weight and his health. He gets very offended, and keeps letting her know. Later they’re all eating together, and Lou holds up a carrot stick and says, “Do you think one little carrot would make me fat ?” Mary replies, “Not if you stick it up your nose!” Season 7, ep 1, “Mary Midwife” ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2026, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/282 "2026-05-17T19:33:52Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > Mary has had a talk with Lou Grant about his weight Need Asner fast? ---
**Author:** ![Thing.Fish](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thing.fish/32/9168_2.png) [@Thing.Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thing.Fish)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2026, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/283 "2026-05-17T22:04:24Z")
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