# What is the single greatest line in television history? {Please include context & Episode of the Series} **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** tv-shows-scripted\ **Created:** [May 7, 2026, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892 "2026-05-07T16:30:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![zimaane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a3d4f5/32.png) [@zimaane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zimaane)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/22 "2026-05-07T17:01:21Z")
It’s from the puffy shirt episode. Jerry agrees to wear a puffy shirt made by Kramer’s friend because she was a low talker and he didn’t understand what she was saying. When he tries the ridiculous shirt on, Kramer tells him he is going to be a pirate and Jerry says “I don’t want to be a pirate!” [Jerry Seinfeld: I don’t wanna be a Pirate, a Cowboy or Switzerland](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRER1Rbg9_o) ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/23 "2026-05-07T17:03:15Z")
“I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition” ---
**Author:** ![peedin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peedin/32/14095_2.png) [@peedin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peedin)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/24 "2026-05-07T17:04:00Z")
From Seinfeld episode _The Face Painter_”. “ People. They’re the worst.” In response to Elaine saying “I will never understand people.” ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/25 "2026-05-07T17:04:00Z")
“I didn’t order assholes with my whiskey” Raylan Givens - Justified ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/26 "2026-05-07T17:04:33Z")
> [@Peter\_Morris](#): > > “I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition” No one does! ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/27 "2026-05-07T17:07:22Z")
> [@Peter\_Morris](#): > > “I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition” Or “He’s pining for the fjords” ---
**Author:** ![teelabrown](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/teelabrown/32/8412_2.png) [@teelabrown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teelabrown)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/28 "2026-05-07T17:07:37Z")
“I always hear “punch me in the face” when you’re speaking, but it’s usually in subtext.” John to Sherlock in the episode _A Scandale in Belgravia_. ---
**Author:** ![N9IWP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/n9iwp/32/3154_2.png) [@N9IWP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N9IWP)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/29 "2026-05-07T17:08:29Z")
Computer - “Erase that entire personal log.” Ben Sisko (Avery Brooks) - Deep Space 9 “In the Pale Moonlight” Context (rest of quote) So… I lied. I cheated. I bribed men to cover the crimes of other men. I am an accessory to murder. But the most damning thing of all… I think I can live with it. And if I had to do it all over again - I would. Garak was right about one thing: a guilty conscience is a small price to pay for the safety of the Alpha Quadrant. So I will learn to live with it… Because I can live with it… I can live with it… Brian ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/30 "2026-05-07T17:13:04Z")
There are a few contenders from the Young Ones too but they are usually dialogs not individual lines. This one might count… > Vyvyan, Vyvyan, Vyvyan. Whenever anything blows up around here everyone always blames Vyvyan. Well don’t blame me, blame whoever rang the doorbell and set off the explosives I rigged up. Vyvyan Bastard The Young Ones Episode: Nasty Note both this and the blackadder quote above are completely from memory they are ingrained in my consciousness from childhood 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/31 "2026-05-07T17:13:05Z")
“As with everything else, it’s the thought that counts.” Sheridan ‘[apologizing](https://youtu.be/S8vA0ANTUM0)’ for destroying a Centauri cruiser that attacked Babylon-five. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/32 "2026-05-07T17:13:18Z")
Too many of my favorites require context. I think even “I hate spunk!” and “As god is my witness…” require knowledge to get it. So I nominate "A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants” from MTM, “Chuckles Bites the Dust”. No context needed to be funny. And to the OP, I remember that line. Never watched the show, but if I ever have call to think of Phoebe Cates, that’s what I think of. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/33 "2026-05-07T17:14:04Z")
I apologize. The pirate line was from The Puffy Shirt episode of Seinfeld. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/34 "2026-05-07T17:25:20Z")
‘But she was naked, and all articulate.’ _Firefly_, Mal’s first encounter with YoSafBrig. ---
**Author:** ![sciurophobic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cab0a1/32.png) [@sciurophobic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sciurophobic)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/35 "2026-05-07T17:31:06Z")
From **Doctor Who** , _A Good Man Goes to War_ “Where is my wife?” ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/36 "2026-05-07T17:40:33Z")
From **Bojack Horseman** , when the woman he’s dating (who recently woke up after being in a coma for something like 20 years) finally realizes that she needs to break up with him. “When you’re wearing rose-colored lenses, all those red flags just look like flags.” ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/37 "2026-05-07T17:41:00Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > There are a few contenders from the Young Ones too but they are usually dialogs not individual lines. This one might count… If that one is too long there is also just .. > I had to, I was drunk Vyvyan Bastard (in response to why he nailed the front door to the ceiling) The Young ones Episode : Oil ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/38 "2026-05-07T17:43:53Z")
Reading these various quotes leads me to realize that most of them can’t be appreciated out of context. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/39 "2026-05-07T17:44:11Z")
**“People like Coldplay and voted for the Nazis. You can’t trust people, Jeremy.”** - Super Hans From Peep Show, Series 3 episode 2. Jeremy & Super Hans are going to buy a pub and are talking about how to set it up, and how people generally like a pub to be. Super Hans is a weird guy and wants to keep the pub junky like they found it, with a washing machine in the middle of the floor. Jeremy says people like nuts & lager at a pub, Super Hans comes back with this line. The context is meaningless, the line stands on its own. It’s particularly more relevant every day. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/40 "2026-05-07T17:44:53Z")
The first thing that popped into my head: “I am the one who knocks.” ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/41 "2026-05-07T17:45:49Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Reading these various quotes leads me to realize that most of them can’t be appreciated out of context Yeah thats the tricky bit. Most of the greatest TV lines of all time are actually the greatest dialogs of all time [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892.md?page=3)