# What is the single greatest line in television history? {Please include context & Episode of the Series} **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** tv-shows-scripted\ **Created:** [May 7, 2026, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892 "2026-05-07T16:30:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/63 "2026-05-07T18:55:48Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Neither of your posts are about single lines, though. They’re not alone in this thread admittedly. I don’t know about greatest, but I have favorites. My first: Homer Simpson is desperately trying to locate a certain instant breakfast, drink, favorite of astronauts, and manages somehow to call Bill Clinton. “I figured if anyone would know how to get some Tang, it would be you!” My second: Ross and Rachel are getting hot and heavy in the planetarium, and suddenly Rachel glances down and says “oh, honey, that’s okay.” But he’s only rolled over a juice box. ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/64 "2026-05-07T18:56:45Z")
“Now, this is all the money Niska gave us…” ---
**Author:** ![Llama\_Llogophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/65 "2026-05-07T19:03:00Z")
> [@colinfred](#): > > Is there context here, because I don’t get why that’s funny? Yes, sorry - one really needs to see the entire episode. It’s really a long setup for that one line. ---
**Author:** ![iamatractorboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iamatractorboy/32/21261_2.png) [@iamatractorboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamatractorboy)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/66 "2026-05-07T19:18:07Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > **“People like Coldplay and voted for the Nazis. You can’t trust people, Jeremy.”** - Super Hans That is a classic indeed. I am sure there are many bits of dialogue from loads of shows I could say are utterly brilliant, but the first one I thought of was this: - “Believe me, Baldrick, eternity in the company of Beelzebub, and all his hellish instruments of death, will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me… and _this_ pencil…” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/67 "2026-05-07T19:19:41Z")
I’ve never heard of _ **Lace II** _, so I wouldn’t know. Another favorite is from _ **The Simpsons** _: **Homer’s Doppelganger:** Homer? I am not Homer. I am Guy Incognito. (Spoken with a “Continental” accent.) One more needs a bit of context: Rocky and Bullwinkle were trapped in an elevator that was blown sky-high out of its shaft and landed safely in a river. As they float along: **Bullwinkle:** I never thought it would be like this! **Rocky:** What? **Bullwinkle:** Heaven! **Rocky:** Bullwinkle, this isn’t Heaven. **Bullwinkle:** It isn’t? **Rocky:** No! **Bullwinkle:** (_Shivering_) Then why is it so _cold_? 🥶 ---
**Author:** ![Labdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/439d5e/32.png) [@Labdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labdad)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/68 "2026-05-07T20:18:12Z")
“As God is my witness I thought Turkeys could fly!” Was the first thing I thought of, too. Second thing is also from WKRP: Jennifer is trying to explain to Les that his date from the “escort service” is a hooker. Jennifer: “Les, Lorrraine is a member of the world’s oldest profession.” Les: “You mean Lorraine’s a farmer?” ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/69 "2026-05-07T20:20:34Z")
> [@Labdad](#): > > Second thing is also from WKRP: Jennifer is trying to explain to Les that his date from the “escort service” is a hooker. > > Jennifer: “Les, Lorrraine is a member of the world’s oldest profession.” > > Les: “You mean Lorraine’s a farmer?” Similarly, from the _Simpsons_ episode “Homer’s Phobia,” where Marge is trying to gently break it to Homer that their new friend John is gay: MARGE: He enjoys the company of men. HOMER: Who doesn’t? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/70 "2026-05-07T20:21:18Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > From Taxi-What does the yellow light mean? This. I laughed so hard I was coughing and had tears running down my face. Another good one: “Pivot! Pivot!” Ross from ‘Friends’. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/71 "2026-05-07T20:25:42Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Does that line support or oppose my contention that context is key?  Maybe he hit the wrong “Reply” button. ---
**Author:** ![scabpicker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scabpicker/32/8268_2.png) [@scabpicker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scabpicker)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/72 "2026-05-07T20:34:18Z")
> [@](#): > > Shut the fuck up, and let me die in peace Mike Ehrmantraut to Walter White. Season 5, episode 7 of Breaking Bad ---
**Author:** ![Raza](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raza/32/213_2.png) [@Raza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raza)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/73 "2026-05-07T21:12:01Z")
SNL: Chevy Chase on the phone on the set of Weekend Update: _No, you don’t blow on it, that’s just an expression._ ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/74 "2026-05-07T21:23:25Z")
“Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes.” ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/75 "2026-05-07T21:27:32Z")
That was a magnificent Karnak moment! ---
**Author:** ![We\_re\_wolves\_not\_werewolves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@We\_re\_wolves\_not\_werewolves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/We_re_wolves_not_werewolves)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/76 "2026-05-07T21:31:15Z")
“We have to go back Kate”!" -Jack from Lost reveals that the what we thought was a flashback was actually a flash forward, total WTF moment that was such a great cliff hanger in a great show. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/77 "2026-05-07T21:38:11Z")
“Have I displeased you, you feckless thug?” President Bartlett, speaking to God, _The West Wing._ ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/78 "2026-05-07T21:42:39Z")
A couple from Johnny Carson: When Jay Silverheels appeared on the show: HR agent: “Reason for leaving previous employer?” Tonto: “Him find out what ‘kemo sabe’ mean.” When Ed Ames appeared on the show, he was playing a Native American character on _Daniel Boone_. Ames mentioned that he had to learn tomahawk-throwing for the role, and Johnny brought out a tomahawk and a human-shaped target. Ames threw the hatchet . . . . and struck the target in the groin. Johnny said, “I didn’t know you were Jewish!” ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/79 "2026-05-07T21:53:55Z")
Another from Seinfeld (“The Marine Biologist”) > _The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. I got about fifty feet out and suddenly, the great beast appeared before me. I tell you, he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, “Easy, big fella!” And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing, I could see directly into the eye of the great fish_… ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/80 "2026-05-07T21:54:26Z")
Mammal. ---
**Author:** ![Banksiaman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banksiaman/32/3334_2.png) [@Banksiaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banksiaman)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/81 "2026-05-07T21:58:08Z")
The Simpsons, season 6. While the line definitely can stand on its own as the most polished little gem in television history, the context is that Ralph Wiggum thinks he’s about to be given a prize when he’s called out about his academic performance by Principal Skinner. Ralph Wiggum: ‘Me fail English? That’s unpossible.’ ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2026, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/82 "2026-05-07T21:58:47Z")
On the show _Friends,_ the group is watching a home movie from when some of them went to prom. It shows Monica, who as an adolescent had a weight problem. Someone makes a comment about her weight in the home movie, and she says that old adage about the camera adding ten pounds. After a beat, Chandler replies, “so, how many cameras were on you?” ETA: totally unrelated, but there’s always the classic _Police Squad:_ “Who are you? How did you get in here?” “I’m a locksmith, and…I’m a locksmith.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892.md?page=5)