# What is the single greatest line in television history? {Please include context & Episode of the Series} **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** tv-shows-scripted\ **Created:** [May 7, 2026, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892 "2026-05-07T16:30:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![gregorio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/fbc32d/32.png) [@gregorio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gregorio)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2026, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/143 "2026-05-08T14:55:53Z")
The Simpson’s has so many and I stopped watching many years ago. “Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?” Like saving an out of control monorail. “Oh, I didn’t get rich by writing a lot of checks.” “Thanks Mayor Simpson. Because of you we’re all taking golden showers.” Sorry for the list OP but I really do think these are some great lines. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2026, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/144 "2026-05-08T15:07:43Z")
It’s hard for me to think in terms of “single greatest” as there are so many that are just simply great, like Seinfeld’s “But I don’t wanna be a pirate!”. Here’s an oldie from the episode “Return from Europe” in the old _I Love Lucy_ series that offers two goodies in a row. Lucy and Ricky are flying home from Europe and, desperate to bring home a large heavy cheese without incurring extra baggage fees, Lucy wraps it in a blanket, puts a bonnet on it, and pretends it’s a baby. As soon as he finds out what she’s up to, Ricky refuses to sit with her and moves to another seat. A woman with an actual baby sits beside Lucy and tries to chat her up about their respective babies. When Ricky briefly returns and the woman realizes that this is the husband, she offers to switch seats so that Ricky can sit with his wife, which Lucy encourages. RIcky, pointing angrily at Lucy’s “baby”: “Not while you have that **thing**!” Lucy, to the woman: “He hates children.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2026, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/145 "2026-05-08T15:22:33Z")
Another one from _ **Seinfeld** _: Jerry sings the theme song from _ **The Bugs Bunny Show** _ while he and Elaine are outside a theatre waiting for _ **Pagliacci** _ to start. **Elaine:** You know, it is so sad. All your knowledge of high culture comes from Bugs Bunny cartoons. ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2026, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/146 "2026-05-08T15:24:49Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > But for my money, the greatest line is: > > I’m the Doctor. I’m a Time Lord. I’m from the planet Gallifrey in the Constellation of Kasterborous. I’m 903 years old and I’m the man who is gonna save your lives and all 6 billion people on the planet below. You got a problem with that? I like this one: “I’m the Doctor, and you’re in the biggest library in the Universe. Look me up.” The context is pretty much in the quote. He’s facing down some bad guy, and well, _look him up._ ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2026, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/147 "2026-05-08T15:26:28Z")
> [@Andy\_L](#): > > I suggest "If you can’t take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home, and crawl under your bed. " from ST:TNG The full quote is > If you can’t take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home, and crawl under your bed. It’s not safe out here! It’s wondrous… with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross; but it’s not for the timid I saw that episode in the late nineties and never again, I still remember that quote more than 30 years later. ETA: It was in the _early_ nineties!, so almost 40 years. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2026, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/148 "2026-05-08T15:29:06Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Another one from _ **Seinfeld** _: Jerry sings the theme song from _ **The Bugs Bunny Show** _ while he and Elaine are outside a theatre waiting for _ **Pagliacci** _ to start. > > **Elaine:** You know, it is so sad. All your knowledge of high culture comes from Bugs Bunny cartoons. I like that line, particularly because it’s true for me as well. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2026, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/149 "2026-05-08T15:36:28Z")
For me, it’s gotta be from _Star Trek_: \*\* **\> Live long and prosper.** \*\* The phrase that helped start science fiction conventions. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2026, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/151 "2026-05-08T16:46:18Z")
> [@gregorio](#): > > The Simpson’s has so many and I stopped watching many years ago. “Oh boy, sleep; that’s where I’m a Viking!” “My cat’s breath smells like cat food.” Not the greatest lines in television history, but pretty darn good. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Burden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/958977/32.png) [@Jack\_Burden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Burden)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2026, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/152 "2026-05-08T16:46:56Z")
“When you play the game of thrones, you win … or you die.” Maybe the best of many many candidates from that show, will also throw in “You know nothing Jon Snow” and “That’s what I do; I drink, and I know things” as honorable mentions. ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2026, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/153 "2026-05-08T17:10:00Z")
I’m partial to: > [@Tyrion Lannister](#): > > **Let me give you some advice, bastard.** **Never forget what you are, the rest of the world will not.** **Wear it like armor and it can never be used to hurt you.** Of course, it’s better in the books: > [@Book! Tyrion Lannister](#): > > Let me give you some counsel, bastard. Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strenght. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you. ---
**Author:** ![dorvann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df705f/32.png) [@dorvann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorvann)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2026, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/154 "2026-05-08T17:14:58Z")
“Stupid sexy Flanders” Speaking of The Simpsons… “Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?” ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2026, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/155 "2026-05-08T17:19:37Z")
"Good men don’t need rules. Today is not the day to find out _why I have so many."_ [Doctor Who, _A Good Man Goes to War_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5JnqPSzSLo) (short video link) ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2026, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/156 "2026-05-08T17:58:01Z")
I remember a line from some show but I am uncertain which show it was – perhaps the John Burns character in _Taxi_       “I’m the father. They’re not sure who the mother is.” Anyone recognize ohat line? ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2026, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/157 "2026-05-08T18:16:04Z")
> [@Horatius](#): > > > [@RealityChuck](#): > > > > But for my money, the greatest line is: > > > > I’m the Doctor. I’m a Time Lord. I’m from the planet Gallifrey in the Constellation of Kasterborous. I’m 903 years old and I’m the man who is gonna save your lives and all 6 billion people on the planet below. You got a problem with that? > > I like this one: > > “I’m the Doctor, and you’re in the biggest library in the Universe. Look me up.” > > The context is pretty much in the quote. He’s facing down some bad guy, and well, _look him up._ [“I’m River Song. Check your records again.”](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1607759/) Which prompts a Dalek to beg for mercy. ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2026, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/158 "2026-05-08T18:17:20Z")
> [@dorvann](#): > > Speaking of The Simpsons… > > “Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?” I was also tempted by this or one of many other Simpsons lines. It’s just by the time the Simpsons ended up on regular non-satalite TV in the UK Blackadder and The Young Ones has been ingrained in my consciousness for a decade or more, so it will never make my personal “best ever” ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2026, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/159 "2026-05-08T18:36:15Z")
“To alcohol: the cause of, and the solution to, all of life’s problems”. ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2026, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/160 "2026-05-08T18:37:02Z")
From Mad Men, season 5 episode 10: Joan’s secretary screws up and allows a process server to deliver divorce papers. “Surprise! There’s an airplane here to see you!!” ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2026, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/161 "2026-05-08T18:40:09Z")
From Mad Men, I liked, “Not great, Bob!” Although like most of these, context is key. ---
**Author:** ![MrAtoz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@MrAtoz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrAtoz)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2026, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/162 "2026-05-08T18:42:44Z")
> [@wolfpup](#): > > RIcky, pointing angrily at Lucy’s “baby”: > “Not while you have that **thing**!” > > Lucy, to the woman: > “He hates children.” You didn’t quote what I think is the funniest line in the episode: Ricky: I am not the father of that cheese! ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2026, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-single-greatest-line-in-television-history-please-include-context-episode-of-the-series/1029892/163 "2026-05-08T18:44:44Z")
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