# What is the sound of one ant biting? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 14, 2007, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-sound-of-one-ant-biting/395919 "2007-03-14T18:28:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2007, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-sound-of-one-ant-biting/395919/1 "2007-03-14T18:28:56Z")
[Malaysian monks cannot stop a fire ant infestation because their Buddhism forbids the harming of any creature](http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6441631.stm). > [@](#): > > So the monks are looking for a creative and non-violent solution to deal with the insects, which are biting worshippers. > > … > > But the ants are dropping from the temple’s sacred bodhi tree onto people meditating below - and when they bite it causes painful swelling. Quite a dilemma. **Q:** What is Buddha-nature, master? **A:** Buddha-nature is getting your balls chewed off. Stop asking stupid questions and go get me some aloe! ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2007, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-sound-of-one-ant-biting/395919/2 "2007-03-14T19:47:46Z")
I like this part: > [@](#): > > They cannot encourage anyone to harm the ants, but the chief monk says that if someone turns up unbidden and deals with them without the monks’ involvement then that is the will of the universe. So, they’re not advocating that anyone soak the little bastards with insecticide, but, you know, if the exterminator just happened to be in the area… ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2007, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-sound-of-one-ant-biting/395919/3 "2007-03-14T20:47:55Z")
I wonder if said exterminator then tried to sell the monks, say, a pencil for the same amount that an extermination job generally costs, if they’d pay up. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2007, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-sound-of-one-ant-biting/395919/4 "2007-03-14T20:50:42Z")
Ohm my god, that’s hilarious! ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2007, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-sound-of-one-ant-biting/395919/5 "2007-03-14T20:52:47Z")
**This just in** : ANG HOC SI TEMPLE, GEORGETOWN, MALAYSIA(WPI) – “In 47,325,188 separate cases of mistaken identity, an enclave of Buddhist monks claim, they met the Buddha on the road today, and killed him, generally with a moderate-to-heavy application of malathion.” I couldn’t get your link to work, but the [UPI story](http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Quirks/buddhists_seek_help_with_ant_problem/20070312-010005-4117r/) has some funny moments: > [@](#): > > (The Venerable Boon)Keng said the ants are not a problem for he and other monks who practice what he referred to as “letting go” meditation, which entails “letting go” of the pain, but he is looking to displace the ants out of consideration for those who practice less advanced meditation. Besides, there’s no anti-itching meditation available. > [@](#): > > He said the temple’s Buddhists cannot encourage anyone to harm the ants but if someone were to kill the insects without the monks’ knowledge it would be seen as the will of the universe. How very Henry II of him. 837 years later, the temple stands in for the cathedral at Canterbury. All we need is four exterminators and we’ve got the makings of a play in verse – _ **Murder at the Bodhi Tree** _: ACT I: KENG: Will no one rid me of these turbulent ants?/Our legs are all scarred/We wear shemdaps, not pants! EXTERMINATOR ONE: The Keng is forbidden from justified killing/But he’s been overheard/By some guys who are willing! EXTERMINATOR TWO: Let us ready our poisons/The Oil of Mint/The Hemlock, the Foxglove/We’ve taken the hint! EXTERMINATOR THREE: Better yet, bring the pyrethrinol 8/It’s quicker and safer than/Organophosphate! EXTERMINATOR FOUR: Away now while noble Keng’s conscience stays clear/We’ll come back when there are no more ants to fear! ACT II: FIRE ANT QUEEN: I’ve been tempted by junk food and candy and syrup/I’m bound to resist or/My acne won’t clear up/Chomping on Buddhists is making us soft/They never fight back/They just sigh or they cough/We ants must do battle or else we’ll become/A colony of worthless bodhi-tree bums! EXTERMINATOR ONE: Aroint thee, thou ant who so vexes the good/The Buddhists won’t stomp you/But somebody should! EXTERMINATOR TWO: Surely we– EXTERMINATOR THREE: We’ll grab those antennae/Grip tightly and _then_ pull– EXTERMINATOR FOUR: By killing you now we can save– EXTERMINATOR TWO: Surely– EXTERMINATOR FOUR: Temple. FIRE ANT QUEEN: You needn’t have come armed with/Poisonous bane/That pun would kill anything/With half a brain/You won’t understand/But thanks anyway/By slaying me you’ve saved my people this day. CHORUS: Uh, we…we hadn’t actually prepared anything. Frankly, we’re amazed anyone read this far. CURTAIN ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2007, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-sound-of-one-ant-biting/395919/6 "2007-03-14T21:13:28Z")
Some days I just don’t feel worthy of posting here at the SDMB. When I read posts like **King of Soup** ’s, it just amplifies that. WELL DONE! HUZZAH! ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-sound-of-one-ant-biting/395919/7 "2007-03-15T02:42:57Z")
Ahhh. Life immitating art. Reminds me of this: [The Onion | America's Finest News Source.](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39182) ---
**Author:** ![Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophistry_and_Illusion)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-sound-of-one-ant-biting/395919/8 "2007-03-15T04:32:05Z")
[QUOTE=The King of Soup] CHORUS: Uh, we…we hadn’t actually prepared anything. Frankly, we’re amazed anyone read this far. [/QUOTE] For some reason, this killed me. ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-sound-of-one-ant-biting/395919/9 "2007-03-15T05:44:21Z")
What did the monk say to the hot dog vendor? Answer: Make me one with everything. (highlight the answer) -Steve Martin ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-sound-of-one-ant-biting/395919/10 "2007-03-15T14:08:19Z")
[QUOTE=August West] Some days I just don’t feel worthy of posting here at the SDMB. When I read posts like **King of Soup** ’s, it just amplifies that. [/QUOTE] Indeed. It’s an honor that my humble OP should be the home for such genius. ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-sound-of-one-ant-biting/395919/11 "2007-03-16T16:02:05Z")
Oh, piffle. The sweet smell of innocence overpowers the flattery – which, like any perfume, should be smelled, never swallowed. **Cervaise** has _always_ been more generous in his (her? Maybe, but I don’t think so) praise than mere politeness would suggest, **August West** has _nothing_ to apologize for, and **Sophistry and Illusion** is blushed at because s/he liked the only line _I_ laughed at as I typed it. The humor here – all of it – belongs to the OP, who recognized an inherently funny situation when s/he saw it, and lobbed an easy lay-up to the rest of us. Since then, I’ve just been in the way. Let others try, and we’ll see what happens.