# What is the word for the male equivalent of a "fag hag?" **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [June 30, 2012, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756 "2012-06-30T00:30:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756/21 "2012-06-30T12:06:33Z")
I’ve heard the male equivalent of a fag hag is a lesbro or a shadowbox. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756/22 "2012-06-30T12:07:52Z")
> [@gatorslap](#): > > If by male equivalent you mean a straight man who hangs around gay men, that is called a “fag stag”. > If you mean a man who hangs around lesbians, that is called a “lesbro”. I’m amazed that took 16 posts. Yes, this. ETA: HA! But I might have to start using shadowbox. That’s hilarious! ---
**Author:** ![AqualungBats5th](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6bbea6/32.png) [@AqualungBats5th](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AqualungBats5th)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756/23 "2012-06-30T12:23:11Z")
> [@Zakalwe](#): > > Offensive to who? Women who exihibit the identified behavior universally (IME, data is not the plural of anecdote, dealer prep, tax, title, and insurance extra, etc) self-identify with the term. The term is also used by the homosexual males with whom they associate (as a term of endearment - not insult). So who exactly is offended? Well, women didn’t always self identify with that term. I seem to remember, when I first heard it in the early 90’ and even up into the late 90’s it was being used in a very unflattering way by gay men to describe women hanging around them unwanted (and usually the implication was the woman was futilely after them sexually). Obviously time has changed that dynamic some, but I wouldn’t be surprised if to some gay men, the term still carries that connotation. > [@Bosstone](#): > > Because nobody cares. Yeah, it’s awful when people want to understand the context behind the words they say. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756/24 "2012-06-30T12:42:03Z")
Jesus\*, if I worried about potentially offending someone, somewhere, with everything I said, I’d never open my mouth. If \*you \*are offended, say so. Otherwise, let gay men speak for themselves; I’m willing to listen. (And have, and at least among the subset of gay men goodly enough to hang out with _me_, “fag hag” is at best a term of endearment and at worst an eyeroll, depending on the 'hag in question.) \*case in point. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756/25 "2012-06-30T13:21:21Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > ETA: HA! But I might have to start using shadowbox. That’s hilarious! I like it too. It doesn’t throw any punches. ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756/26 "2012-06-30T15:18:36Z")
> [@Zakalwe](#): > > Offensive to who? Women who exihibit the identified behavior universally (IME, data is not the plural of anecdote, dealer prep, tax, title, and insurance extra, etc) self-identify with the term. The term is also used by the homosexual males with whom they associate (as a term of endearment - not insult). So who exactly is offended? The word “fag” is offensive when used to describe a gay man. Yes, I’m sure there may be some who aren’t offended by it; but there are sure as hell some who are offended by being referred to by that term. ---
**Author:** ![brainstall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@brainstall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainstall)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756/27 "2012-06-30T15:31:55Z")
Dyke Mike? (for a guy who likes to hang with lesbians) ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756/28 "2012-06-30T18:00:15Z")
I live in a town that’s something of a lesbian mecca. I haven’t seen any evidence of a “lesbro” phenomenon at all here. My guess it’s because there’s a larger subset of gay men that, while they prefer to be intimate with men, are amenable to good friendships with women. With lesbians, the subset that are amenable to good friendships with men seems much smaller. ---
**Author:** ![mister\_nyx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@mister\_nyx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mister_nyx)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756/29 "2012-06-30T18:17:13Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Jesus\*, if I worried about potentially offending someone, somewhere, with everything I said, I’d never open my mouth. > > If \*you \*are offended, say so. Otherwise, let gay men speak for themselves; I’m willing to listen. (And have, and at least among the subset of gay men goodly enough to hang out with _me_, “fag hag” is at best a term of endearment and at worst an eyeroll, depending on the 'hag in question.) > > \*case in point. :rolleyes: You seriously need someone to tell you that a phrase involving a slur used against gay men is offensive? You couldn’t figure that one out for yourself? I’m not in a position to complain about the other half of the phrase but I can definitely say I wouldn’t describe any woman of my acquaintance as a “hag”. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756/30 "2012-06-30T18:38:02Z")
> [@mister\_nyx](#): > > :rolleyes: You seriously need someone to tell you that a phrase involving a slur used against gay men is offensive? You couldn’t figure that one out for yourself? > > I’m not in a position to complain about the other half of the phrase but I can definitely say I wouldn’t describe any woman of my acquaintance as a “hag”. Context is everything. “Gay” itself was once a slur (and seems to be becoming one again in some contexts). “Queer” is another relevant slur word that some to whom it might be applied have now embraced. ---
**Author:** ![mister\_nyx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@mister\_nyx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mister_nyx)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756/31 "2012-06-30T18:56:21Z")
> [@njtt](#): > > Context is everything. “Gay” itself was once a slur (and seems to be becoming one again in some contexts). “Queer” is another relevant slur word that some to whom it might be applied have now embraced. When was “gay” a slur? As for “fag”, it never stopped being a slur. The context is pretty simple here. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756/32 "2012-06-30T19:31:38Z")
> [@mister\_nyx](#): > > When was “gay” a slur? As for “fag”, it never stopped being a slur. The context is pretty simple here. It’s generally an accepted phenomenon that members of slighted groups will use “slurs” amongst themselves in an ironic or reclaiming way. Hence all of the rap music with the N-word that few get worked up over, and girls who call each other ‘bitches’ with fondness. Context really does matter. Have you really never encountered this? Even in groups of friends that aren’t minority based, it’s common to lovingly lob “insulting” nicknames at each other. ---
**Author:** ![jakesteele](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ed8c4c/32.png) [@jakesteele](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jakesteele)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756/33 "2012-06-30T19:37:35Z")
> [@Leo\_Bloom](#): > > A fag hag–I’m not sure it is as offensive as it sounds, what with two offensive words concatenated–is more or less a (usually) older woman who, for various reasons–but not sexual ones–likes to have blithe young things in her circle. > > That’s how I understand it, at least. Would happily hear corrections. > > Anyway, what would be the equivalent for a man? Bag Drag? ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756/34 "2012-06-30T19:52:30Z")
I’ve heard “dyke mike” though I like the other suggestions better. But I’ve never actually met a guy that hangs out with lesbians or has a lesbian best friend. ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756/35 "2012-06-30T20:49:44Z")
I’ve heard Little dutch boy for a straight guy who hangs out with lesbians. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756/36 "2012-06-30T20:59:48Z")
IME, a portion of the women whom it used to be OK to call fag hags are so because, at least in part, gay men are safe. A man might hang with lesbians for the same reason, but be less likely to admit it. ---
**Author:** ![tadtooornamental](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@tadtooornamental](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tadtooornamental)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756/37 "2012-06-30T21:21:08Z")
As someone who probably could be described as a fag hag, I’m not offended by the term, but I don’t really care for it either. The connotation seems, to me, like I’m only friends with these guys because they’re gay. Rather than they just happen to be both. That is to say: in my mind, a fag hag is a women who wants to be friends with gay men, specifically because they’re gay men. Either to make herself look more popular, or open minded or . . . I don’t know, something. But it’s a woman who goes out of her way to befriend them based solely on one superficial quality, rather than the whole package. ---
**Author:** ![mister\_nyx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@mister\_nyx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mister_nyx)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756/38 "2012-06-30T21:22:53Z")
> [@jackdavinci](#): > > It’s generally an accepted phenomenon that members of slighted groups will use “slurs” amongst themselves in an ironic or reclaiming way. Hence all of the rap music with the N-word that few get worked up over, and girls who call each other ‘bitches’ with fondness. Context really does matter. Have you really never encountered this? 😕 Of course I have, and I don’t see what leads you to assume I haven’t. (Strictly speaking, though, few people would be in a position to reclaim both “fag” and “hag”, making this a somewhat odd context to bring it up “reclamation”.) That doesn’t mean the term is not generally offensive. It just means that some friends are comfortable using and hearing some offensive words among themselves. Which is fine, but it’s a big leap to go from the language people playfully use with their friends to claim that that language is not generally offensive, as WhyNot was verging on. That’s aside from the fact that, as someone pointed out upthread, the term has never been exactly a flattering way to describe a woman (hence “hag” after all). At any rate, the factual answer to the question of whether or not “fag hag” is an offensive term was given by Candyman74: > [@](#): > > The word “fag” is offensive when used to describe a gay man. Yes, I’m sure there may be some who aren’t offended by it; but there are sure as hell some who are offended by being referred to by that term. I don’t give a crap what kind of terms people throw around with their friends but that doesn’t change the fact that it is a generally offensive term. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756/39 "2012-06-30T21:29:17Z")
I dunno, I’ve heard lots of gay men and women use the term. While there are obviously some who are offended, you haven’t shown it to be generally offensive. I’m talking about the term fag hag here, not fag or hag separately. ---
**Author:** ![mister\_nyx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@mister\_nyx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mister_nyx)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756/40 "2012-06-30T21:53:15Z")
> [@outlierrn](#): > > I dunno, I’ve heard lots of gay men and women use the term. While there are obviously some who are offended, you haven’t shown it to be generally offensive. I’m talking about the term fag hag here, not fag or hag separately. It’s got the word “fag” in it. You can’t get much more clear-cut than that. I’ve heard plenty of people use plenty of offensive terms that describe them. That’s fine, but it’s irrelevant in this discussion. It’s not evidence that those terms aren’t offensive, though. The exact same line of reasoning to be applied to a whole lot of offensive words, and it’d be a ridiculously fallacious argument in those cases too. The fact that there are certain contexts in which a slur is used by members of a group obviously doesn’t change the fact that it’s a slur. (Or next am I going to hear an argument that it’s unfair that white people face social opprobrium for using slurs against black people?) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-word-for-the-male-equivalent-of-a-fag-hag/626756.md?page=3)