# What is this "secret weapon"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 9, 2008, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839 "2008-09-09T20:18:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839/41 "2008-09-11T09:17:31Z")
It’s obviously offensive barrage ballons equipped with active camoflague and modified apache nosecones dangling linked, devastating, remote weaponry in the Mountains of Afghanistan. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839/42 "2008-09-11T11:40:19Z")
Well it’s got to be either the one that turns them gay or the one that makes that sound that causes people to shit in their pants. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839/43 "2008-09-11T12:15:08Z")
> [@jackdavinci](#): > > Well it’s got to be either the one that turns them gay or the one that makes that sound that causes people to shit in their pants. In their _gay_ pants? ---
**Author:** ![flyboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/4da419/32.png) [@flyboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flyboy)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839/44 "2008-09-11T12:17:31Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I didn’t say it was a good idea, or morally justified, or some kind of long-term solution to anything. Just that, if they haved amped up the power and shrunk down the size of a laser that can punch a hole through someone’s head in a millisecond, this is just what they’d do with it. I don’t think a new method of killing is what’s being referred to here. I mean, you can apply that to anyone, anywhere. (Although really, an airborne laser? Yeah, maybe they shrunk that beast on the 747 and stuck it on a C-130, and increased the accuracy, but I’m really not sure how much different it’d be from a normal shell from a pure weapons employment perspective. You’re going to need clear rules of engagement, expectation of collateral damage, and a piss-drunk JAG to use that thing, if it ever gets fielded in the first place. Besides, I have trouble believing a “cleared hot” would be given to an aircraft for the sole purpose of surgically eliminating one person. Way too risky. We have methods for surgical strikes like that, and it ain’t using aircraft.) If there’s going to be a ‘secret weapon’ that’s giving people like Woodward a hard-on, it’s going to be more in the realm of what **Caveat lector, Paul in Saudi,** and **control-z** are talking about. Caveat: I’ve never heard of TF-145, am not in the Intel world, have no inside knowledge whatsoever, am totally spitballing, etc… ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839/45 "2008-09-11T13:00:58Z")
America’s secret weapon is The courage of the common soldier. (Superman #23, June-July 1943) Hey, if it can beat The Man Of Tomorrow, it can beat Bin Liden. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839/46 "2008-09-11T13:09:46Z")
Phase-plasma rifles with a 40-watt range. ---
**Author:** ![dba\_Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c37758/32.png) [@dba\_Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dba_Fred)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839/47 "2008-09-11T14:02:19Z")
1. Send Al Qaeda and the insurgents moose antler or wolf hats. 2. Send Sarah Palin there in an AC-10 gunship with a current hunting license. 3. Victory ensues! ---
**Author:** ![dba\_Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c37758/32.png) [@dba\_Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dba_Fred)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839/48 "2008-09-11T14:08:32Z")
Oops, duplicated. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839/49 "2008-09-11T14:16:28Z")
All we have to do is send Bin Laden on a hunting trip with Cheney. The man’s aim is perfect. The secret weapon is convincing them that they’re actually fighting the Great Satin. Since China makes most of the world’s textiles these days\*, they’d get involved in a land war in Asia. Those never go well. \*(This world fact pulled out of my amazing talking ass.) ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839/50 "2008-09-11T14:21:16Z")
[Ready to deploy secret weapon.](http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Lot/1860/univer.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![jk1245](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/49beb7/32.png) [@jk1245](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jk1245)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839/51 "2008-09-11T14:48:44Z")
A post card that tells them they have won an iPod, and all they need to do is show up at a specific address to claim their prize, and they have to make sure to bring their award notification. Then when they show up, you’ve got proof of identity and everything. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839/52 "2008-09-11T14:51:55Z")
It’s the Spanish Inquisition. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839/53 "2008-09-11T14:52:44Z")
> [@Paul in Saudi](#): > > If it were TF14-something, then the whole program would just be the old Phoenix program reborn. Well, we had to know that the Phoenix program would be reborn… eventually… ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839/54 "2008-09-11T23:30:36Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I didn’t say it was a good idea, or morally justified, or some kind of long-term solution to anything. Just that, if they haved amped up the power and shrunk down the size of a laser that can punch a hole through someone’s head in a millisecond, this is just what they’d do with it. I didn’t say that **you** thought it was a good idea; just that if we could pull it off and they tried it, it wouldn’t work. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839/55 "2008-09-11T23:42:50Z")
> [@WormTheRed](#): > > Does **Skald the Rhymer** have anything to do with this 😉 > > _Sorry for the inaproriate answer in GQ, I just had to_ I don’t do secret weapons. I do weapons that are announced in speeches that begin, “Well, Superman, you’re probably wondering whether there’s a natural explanation for the smoking crater where Chicago used to be. There isn’t.” ---
**Author:** ![WormTheRed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/bbe5ce/32.png) [@WormTheRed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WormTheRed)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839/56 "2008-09-11T23:52:56Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I don’t do secret weapons. I do weapons that are announced in speeches that begin, “Well, Superman, you’re probably wondering whether there’s a natural explanation for the smoking crater where Chicago used to be. There isn’t.” That’s admitting to it after it’s been used - hence it was secret before! Ha ha! ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839/57 "2008-09-11T23:59:13Z")
> [@WormTheRed](#): > > That’s admitting to it after it’s been used - hence it was secret before! > > Ha ha! Well, naturally they’re secret in DEVELOPMENT. I’m not insane. ---
**Author:** ![WormTheRed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/bbe5ce/32.png) [@WormTheRed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WormTheRed)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2008, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839/58 "2008-09-12T00:07:29Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Well, naturally they’re secret in DEVELOPMENT. I’m not insane. Hence, you must be involved with this project 😃 _plays James Bond theme_ ---
**Author:** ![krisolov](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/krisolov/32/3724_2.png) [@krisolov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/krisolov)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2008, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839/59 "2008-09-12T00:54:17Z")
I’ll hazard a guess and say it’s actually a combination of Operations Research techniques, real time UAV intel, and special ops units that can translate diverse information into the ability to initiate raids and other amazingly quick operations. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2008, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839/60 "2008-09-12T01:11:09Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > I didn’t say that **you** thought it was a good idea; just that if we could pull it off and they tried it, it wouldn’t work. OTOH, if they tried it and it worked, it would work. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-this-secret-weapon/462839.md?page=4)