# What is truly the worst song you have ever heard? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 20, 2005, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160 "2005-10-20T23:13:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/241 "2005-10-24T04:05:25Z")
> [@Good Egg](#): > > You’ve Got the Look by some foreign band. I hear the lyrics are off. “Lovin like a dog” Roxette. I believe they’re Swedish. ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee7513/32.png) [@Mona\_Lott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lott)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/242 "2005-10-24T04:20:08Z")
Every time one of these “worst song ever” threads appear, I find it necessary to mention the horror that is Michael Bolton. I can’t decide which of his songs is the very worst–they all suck. He should suffer eternal agony for the butchering he did to Percy Sledge’s _When a Man Loves a Woman_ . I get really frustrated when I remember that such musical powerhouses as Creedence Clearwater Revival and Bruce Springsteen have never had a Number One Hit, but such awful hacks like Paper Lace and Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods have topped the charts. The '70s was a time of some truly horrific “music”. ---
**Author:** ![RunSilent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e0b2c6/32.png) [@RunSilent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RunSilent)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/243 "2005-10-24T11:41:24Z")
Every single rap song. The Boys are Back in Town, by Thin Lizzy. ---
**Author:** ![Pan4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@Pan4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pan4Life)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/244 "2005-10-24T11:53:24Z")
And to make matters worse [here](http://www.ambassdj.com/page25.html) are the dance steps, and you can also hear portions of the song. And [here](http://www.excalibur-nx-1707.com/klingon%20disco.htm) is the Klingon version. [/QUOTE] Thank you for that…I laughed my butt off. As a note, the first link says that horrid mutation “originated in Spain”, it did not. Mexico is not a part of Spain, I looked on my handy mini-atlas I keep behind my pocket protector for just such an occasion. ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/245 "2005-10-24T13:49:37Z")
> [@Glassy](#): > > Does anyone remember “Hey There Lonely Girl” by Eddie Holman? Most likely to be heard on those radio stations that do 70s lite rock. Sung in a nauseating man-falsetto: > > “Hey there lonely girl! > Looonely girl! > Something something something blue! > Lonely girl! > Looonely girl! > Something something something new!” > > Augh! AND I turn off the radio. Shawn Cassidy did a cover of this song in the 70’s. Along with, IIRC, “Da Doo Ron Ron” which in more cultured countries would have earned him 50 lashes. My co-workers like to listen to the “Party Hits” music channel. The other night I was treated to “The Thong Song” by Sisqo. > [@talentless loser](#): > > She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck > Thighs like what, what, what > Baby move your butt, butt, butt > I think i’ll sing it again Awe-inspiring, innit? The man wrote an ode to _underwear_. Thankfully, he left out any mention of skid marks. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/246 "2005-10-24T13:58:32Z")
> [@Good Egg](#): > > You’ve Got the Look by some foreign band. I hear the lyrics are off. “Lovin like a dog” That was indeed Roxette, the most successful Swedish band since ABBA (take that for what you will). The line is: > [@Roxette](#): > > Heavenly bound > Cause heaven’s got a number > When she’s spinning me around > Kissing is a colour > Her loving is a wild dog > she’s got the look Sounds like stuff Prince threw out after a 14th re-write. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/247 "2005-10-24T14:10:12Z")
[Abigail Beecher](http://www.ntl.matrix.com.br/pfilho/html/lyrics/a/abigail_beecher.txt) written by Richard Heard and Robert Boulanger, performed by Freddy Cannon. Dreadful. Just dreadful. The “whoo’s” in particular are like getting red hot icepicks rammed through my eardrums. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/248 "2005-10-24T14:50:18Z")
> [@racer72](#): > > Loving you by Minnie Ripperton. My flesh crawls when I here it. > Happiest girl in the whole USA by Donna Fargo. Puke, puke, puke… > Muskrat Love by the Carpenters. I HATE every song every done by them but this bit of drivel is the worst. Muskrats don’t make squeaky noises when they screw, they shreak and make a bunch of noise. FWIW, that was the Captain and Tenniel, not the Carpenters. Karen Carpenter could sing. Toni Tenniel couldn’t. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/249 "2005-10-24T15:06:12Z")
> [@rayh](#): > > Long Haired Lover From Liverpool - Jimmy Osmond OK-I have never heard of or heard this song. But the image in my head right now of what it could possibly be like has me running for the Xanax–NOW. How about Paper Roses? by sister Marie or Pupppy Love by Donny himself? (who turned out to be quite cool in Joseph the musical) Hard Knock Life (hell, the whole musical Annie) is crap and never needs to be sung again…today or tomorrow! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/250 "2005-10-24T15:17:21Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > OK-I have never heard of or heard this song. But the image in my head right now of what it could possibly be like has me running for the Xanax–NOW. Only if you take the Xanax via an ice pick in your ear. This song was a huge hit in England. Jimmy also did a song called, [“Killer Joe”](http://www.webfitz.com/lyrics/index.php?option=com_webfitzlyrics&Itemid=27&func=fullview&lyricsid=4255). Read those lyrics closely and remember Jimmy’s sister is named Marie. ---
**Author:** ![melondeca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@melondeca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melondeca)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/251 "2005-10-24T15:30:03Z")
I can’t believe this thread is five pages and no one has mentioned the monstrosity that is _Pushing up the Daisies_ by **Ween**. Everytime someone says they like this song, a little kitten is killed. That makes what…two dead kittens. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/252 "2005-10-24T15:44:10Z")
> [@cosmosdan](#): > > It must have been the spelling that threw you. The word was _real_. I can read. :rolleyes: You could say the same for every single song mentioned in this thread. Just because the writer has made a lot of money off the song doesn’t make the line suck any less. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/253 "2005-10-24T16:35:01Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > Read those lyrics closely and remember Jimmy’s sister is named Marie. Ewwwww! And I nominate that song as one of the worst! And I Hope You Dance…on red hot coals, barefoot for all eternity until your feet turn to pertrified pulp. (I’m no fan of Faith Hill) ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/254 "2005-10-24T16:38:00Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Incidentally, the “ooga chaka ooga ooga” version of “Hooked on a Feeling” is by a group called [Blue Swede](http://www.coolforever.com/temp/blueswede_hookedonafeeling1.JPG). \*\*Creem \*\* magazine gave their album a great one-sentence review: “The only difference between Blue Swede and a bad nosebleed is the nosebleed is easier to stop.” ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/255 "2005-10-24T16:46:52Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > And I Hope You Dance…on red hot coals, barefoot for all eternity until your feet turn to pertrified pulp. (I’m no fan of Faith Hill) Lee Ann Womack, actually. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/256 "2005-10-24T17:08:07Z")
Is there a difference? Blech to both. ---
**Author:** ![want2know](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/50afbb/32.png) [@want2know](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2know)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/257 "2005-10-24T19:38:51Z")
How about any “cheating spouse” song from the 1970’s:[ul] [li]“Me and Mrs. Jones”[/li][li]“Take a Letter Maria”[/li][li]"“I’ve Found Someone of My Own”[/li][li]“If Lovin’ You Is Wrong (I Don’t Wanna Be Right)”[/li][/ul] **Cherry 2000** mentioned “Run Joey Run” by David Geddes (whose entire discography belongs on this list). For those of you not familiar with it, let me just say this: Teenage pregnancy, child abuse _and_ murder–all in under _three minutes_ !!! Truly a classic in awful music! Some not mentioned yet:[ul] [li]“Be With You” by **Mister Big** [/li][li]“More Than Words” by **Extreme** –my wife _loves_ this song! When it came up while we were watching VH1’s “Worst Love Songs” show, I felt at least a little vindicated![/li][li] **Toby Keith** has done worse than the “Red White and Blue” song–has anyone heard “I Ain’t As Good as I Once Was, But I’m As Good Once As I Ever Was?” JEEEEZ![/li][li]In the religious pop song category: “Put Your Hand In the Hand” by **Ocean**. _Honorable Mention_: “Three Wooden Crosses” by **Randy Travis** (or, as I call it, “The Dead Hooker Song”)[/li][li]Want obscure? How about “Stay Awhile” by **The Bells**? How did this one get on AM radio in the 60’s?[/li][/ul] But the winner (or loser, depending on your POV) is: ONE TIN SOLDIER :eek: ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/258 "2005-10-24T20:54:59Z")
> [@](#): > > To be “truly the worst” a song would have to be both poorly conceived and poorly executed. Most of the tripe listed here may be one or the other, but not both. I agree with you, but not about the rock masterpiece “Louie Louie,” which is both well-concieved (written by Chuck Berry) and well-executed. Poorly recorded, maybe, but that performance is dynamite. The techno remix of “Cotton Eyed Joe” by RedNex, however, is poorly concieved and poorly executed. And it’s annoying as all get out. Remember when you couldn’t go to any sporting event in the South where that wasn’t played? Two songs I dispise for related reasons are Elton John’s “Your Song” and the aforementioned “I Want to Know What Love Is,” by Foreigner. “Your Song” is a shitty, dishonest, transparent ploy. “And you can tell everybody/This is your song.” But see, Elton (or rather, Bernie), you’ve given away the whole game right there. Now everybody knows that your–for the sake of argument, let’s say “girlfriend”-- is a vain bitch that is more interested in “telling eveybody” about how cool is it that Elton wrote a song about her than any actual sentiment expressed in the song by the writer. It’s like the notes on how to write a song for someone and how that someone should then react to the song. Rock instructions.\* Similarly, toward the end of “I Want to Know What Love Is” the singer, who hopefully is burning in a devil’s hell right now, blurts out in what was probably an ad-lib (or was meant to sound like an ad-lib) “Love is a feeling you feel inside.” That proves that he actually DID know what love was all along, and thus it was a horrible waste of money to hire that string section and children’s chorus to record the song claiming that he didn’t know what love was and that I needed to show him. But if he indeed did already know what love was and didn’t need for me to show him, then what’s the point of the song? I think he was just trying to get into my pants. Don’t get me started on “We Built This City on Rock and Roll.” \*Kiss’ “Rock and Roll All Night” is another example of “Rock instructions”: \*You show us everything you’ve got You keep on dancin’ 'till the room gets hot You drive us wild we’ll drive you crazy (snip) You keep on shoutin’ YOOOO keep on shoutin’!\* Guys, keep shouting, and ladies, keep showing us those tits, and we’ll keep playing. It’s kind of a rock and roll primer. ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/259 "2005-10-24T20:59:05Z")
> [@vibrotronica](#): > > I agree with you, but not about the rock masterpiece “Louie Louie,” which is both well-concieved (written by Chuck Berry) No, no, no, no. Written by Richard Berry. No relation. ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/260 "2005-10-24T21:15:27Z")
Well paint me purple and call me stupid. **fishbicycle** is [right!](http://www.louielouie.net/03-richardberry.htm) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160.md?page=14)