# What is truly the worst song you have ever heard? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 20, 2005, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160 "2005-10-20T23:13:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/121 "2005-10-21T21:25:32Z")
> [@bluecanary](#): > > -\> Toby Keith - ‘Courtesy Of The Red, White and Blue’ You definitely got it right with this one. This song makes my ears bleed. But, since you’ve already named my pick, I’ll throw in a few more: “Cheeseburger in Paradise” and “Why Don’t We Get Drunk & Screw,” courtesy of Jimmy Buffet; and “Daddy, Please Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas,” which I’ve heard sung by John Denver (Was there someone else first, or do I have to blame it on him?). ---
**Author:** ![Flipstrip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f6c823/32.png) [@Flipstrip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flipstrip)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/122 "2005-10-21T22:06:29Z")
What, no mention of “Whirly Girl” by Oxo? The worst for me was “Dear Mr. Jesus” by Carolyn Batts (sp?). A exploitative and glurge-y song that was popular around Xmas of '87 or '88. Sung by a little girl about how her Daddy beats her and please don’t let it happen again, Mr. Jesus. Then the stinger – her Mommy beats her, too! One of our local radio stations had the “Top 8 at 8” and EVERY SINGLE NIGHT that song would be number one. And thanks to its overwhelming positive listener response, that insured it got played plenty during the day too. (And when a song was that popular on one station, then of course the other stations had to play it relentlessly too.) Later on, when I interned for a summer at the “Top 8 at 8” station, I found out that every single DJ who worked there despised that song and longed to come after Carolyn Batts with a baseball bat for recording it. (Fortunately, its popularity didn’t seem to last longer than that one season, so we were spared future assaults.) ---
**Author:** ![mojave66](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@mojave66](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mojave66)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/123 "2005-10-21T22:19:59Z")
Red Sovine’s “Teddy Bear”-- it’s got it all. No melody, just a sobbing voice over treacly music. Recorded in the '70s. Has a crippled kid and heroic truckers (not that they aren’t IRL). And best of all, CB slang! All combined in one syrupy sweet, heart-tugging, steaming pile. If that doesn’t bother you, then Rod Hart’s “WTF was that?” stereotype of a gay man picking up truckers on “CB Savage” certainly will. ---
**Author:** ![Wakinyan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wakinyan/32/352_2.png) [@Wakinyan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wakinyan)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/124 "2005-10-21T22:47:58Z")
_We built this city_ – Jefferson Starship. Jesus Christ, it’s the most god awful song ever made; I get some serious Jack the Ripper urge when hear this cursed shite from Pleasantville hell. Now when I got this bad butter in my brain I won’t sleep tonight. How the m+th+rf+ck+ng hell do they dare take the expression “rock’n’roll” in their rotten lipstick mouths? Hit me hard with The Ramones now or I get out to look for somebody. Yes, it makes me sick in my brain, I hate it. Usually I like people, but this one is like George W. Bush in your underpants, I just got to get it out before I get homicidal or suicidal or whatever it takes to get poison out of the ecological system. Now I’m gonna shuffle on Lyndon Kwesi Johnson, Led Zeppelin, Blue Öyster Cult and whatever beating it takes to get me cool, before I hang back with Cypress Hill and perhaps Dean Martin when the sun goes up to get me smiling again. Sorry for the rant, I got upset. Wish me luck. ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/125 "2005-10-21T22:57:53Z")
Another deathless “gem” :rolleyes: from the 1960s was a piece of songcraft called **Those Were The Days, My Friend** by Mary somebody or other. Memory has kindly obscured her last name but not the song. It was a kind of rock polka and drinking song. We were supposed to picture a lot of people doing some serious quaffing as they sang this monstrosity. It included a chorus for the ages: Those were the days, my friend. We thought they’d never end. We’d sing and dance Forever and a day. we’d something something ooze We’d fight and never lose. Those were the days. Oh, yes. Those were the days. This song made me yearn to hear Richard Harris sing about cakes melting in the rain or to suddenly go deaf. It’s so awful that even oldies stations rarely play it (and they have no shame, damn their blackened little souls). ---
**Author:** ![anu-la1979](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/47e85d/32.png) [@anu-la1979](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anu-la1979)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/126 "2005-10-21T23:08:25Z")
MEATLOAF most particularly “I would do anything for love (but I won’t do that)” and “Objects in the rearview mirror” SCREEEEAAAAAAMMMMMMMM! ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/127 "2005-10-21T23:30:00Z")
> [@mojave66](#): > > Red Sovine’s “Teddy Bear”-- it’s got it all. No melody, just a sobbing voice over treacly music. Recorded in the '70s. Has a crippled kid and heroic truckers (not that they aren’t IRL). And best of all, CB slang! All combined in one syrupy sweet, heart-tugging, steaming pile. > > If that doesn’t bother you, then Rod Hart’s “WTF was that?” stereotype of a gay man picking up truckers on “CB Savage” certainly will. Does anyone else remember “The Ballad of Ben Gay” from 1973? It included such goddies as: “You should have seen the way they looked, Their faces all turned pale, Each time i took my brush out And ratted my horse’s tail. I thought it looked just _darling_!” and “Okay fellas, play the bridge!” [guitar plays the bridge from (IIRC) "Folsom Prison Blues] “Not \*that \*kind of bridge, you silly savages–you want Ben Gay all \*over \*you?” All sung in a stereotypical lisping manner. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/128 "2005-10-21T23:51:51Z")
> [@NAF1138](#): > > Lil’ Markie’s diary of an unborn child, Is that the one with the fetus singing “Why did you kill me Mommy?” Because that had the exact opposite effect on me of what was intended. I’d abort that little shit as soon as the stick turned blue. > [@priapus](#): > > Let’s just say little Stevie had a bad case of P.W. when writing this song P.W.? > [@pananamajack](#): > > I think “Timothy”, hopefully the only serious cannabalism song there is, deserves some recognition. What? Cannabalism? “We Built This City” is just depressing, when you think of “White Rabbit” and “Today”. Grace should have stuck with the drugs. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/129 "2005-10-21T23:53:54Z")
While I haven’t actually heard their stuff, I’d like give an honorary nod to the work of Prussian Blue. ---
**Author:** ![Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilvert_s_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/130 "2005-10-22T00:03:16Z")
> [@marque elf](#): > > Another deathless “gem” :rolleyes: from the 1960s was a piece of songcraft called **Those Were The Days, My Friend** by Mary somebody or other. Memory has kindly obscured her last name but not the song. It was a kind of rock polka and drinking song. We were supposed to picture a lot of people doing some serious quaffing as they sang this monstrosity. It included a chorus for the ages: > > Those were the days, my friend. > We thought they’d never end. > We’d sing and dance > Forever and a day. > we’d something something ooze > We’d fight and never lose. > Those were the days. Oh, yes. > Those were the days. > > This song made me yearn to hear Richard Harris sing about cakes melting in the rain or to suddenly go deaf. It’s so awful that even oldies stations rarely play it (and they have no shame, damn their blackened little souls). Mary Hopkins, with the firm backing of Paul McCartney.That should have tipped us off as to the level of pablum he’d pen in the 70’s. OK, sports fans, I’ve got another one that wasn’t from the 70’s this time… I can’t remember the group, but the guy would sing (and I use the term loosely)“I’m a man” over and over while the woman would alternate between all of her Sybil-like roles… **I’m a man** _I’m a bitch_ **I’m a man** _I’m a tease_ **I’m a man** _I’m a whore_ **I’m a man** _I’m a little girl_ etc… i think this was from the early 80’s. And I haven’t seen Ebony and Ivory on the list yet. Urg. ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/131 "2005-10-22T00:21:03Z")
My worst comes from that insidious, invidious, merciless and cruel subgenre of music - gym music. You know that omnipresent, pulsing soundtrack that assaults you in the on workout days you are unfortunate enough to forget your Walkperson? I don’t know the title of the song but it came courtesy of a a girl with a beach-ball hair dye job (the video clip was playing) as she screeeched “I… hate… you… so…much…right…now… auuuuuuuugh! I… hate… you… (you get where its going)”. It gave me ear cancer there and then. The worst song I have the actual dishonour of having paid money to own is “Wrinkles” by sometime Beach Boy Mike Love. A “boy and his dead-dog song”. Need I say more? mm ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/132 "2005-10-22T00:31:30Z")
> [@Bob Scene](#): > > When I started reading this thread, the worst song I had ever heard was the overproduced orchestral disco version of the “I Love Lucy” theme song that had no lyrics except for a chorus of people singing the phrase “Disco Lucy” over and over again. But before I had a chance to post that, I downloaded the song from **Cisco’s** link. Much worse. _We Built This Starbucks_ is bad in ways I’ve never been exposed to before. I’m telling you: the people who are still talking about Kenny Rogers and Iron Butterfly and The White Stripes, and especially this guy: > [@kunilou](#): > > To be “truly the worst” a song would have to be both poorly conceived and poorly executed. Most of the tripe listed here may be one or the other, but not both. did not click the link. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/133 "2005-10-22T00:57:03Z")
**Kilvert** is not paying attention-I mentioned E and I a ways back. Thanks for bringing it up, again. 🙂 “Butterfly Kisses”–some wretched father/daughter vaguely incestous smarmy ballad from a few years ago. “Your Kiss Is On My List” by that duo in the '80’s–I used to turn off my Walkman when that came on. “Wildfire” and “Mandy” as about a dog, no? I mean a real canine, not an aspersion on Barry’s taste in women (gah!). Blech. ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/134 "2005-10-22T01:00:46Z")
**I’m a man** _I’m a bitch_ **I’m a man** _I’m a tease_ **I’m a man** _I’m a whore_ **I’m a man** _I’m a little girl_ etc… i think this was from the early 80’s. The Group was Berlin. The song’s title is **Sex ( I’ma…)** ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/135 "2005-10-22T01:02:19Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > and “Mandy” as about a dog, no? I mean a real canine, not an aspersion on Barry’s taste in women (gah!). > > Blech. “Mandy” was originally called “Brandy”, but was changed so as not to be confused with the song about the girl waiting for her sailorman to return from the sea (which is his life and his lady, sorry Brandy). If Barry had his way, I’m sure he would have retitled the song “Randy”. ---
**Author:** ![panamajack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/47e85d/32.png) [@panamajack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panamajack)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/136 "2005-10-22T01:15:11Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > What? Cannabalism? Some actual lyrics : Timothy, Timothy, Joe was looking at you Timothy, Timothy, God what did we do? … My stomach was full as it could be And nobody ever got around To finding Tiimothy [the rest are here](http://lyrical.nl/song/19801) The music is bad but not horrible; about all it does is confirm that this is meant to be a narrative song, not a joke. And it’s catchy enough to get stuck in your head. I think Lil’ Markie is in the running, but I almost burst out laughing when he started singing, so whether he intended to or not, he provided entertainment in his brief lifespan. ---
**Author:** ![stanger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ba0ec/32.png) [@stanger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stanger)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/137 "2005-10-22T01:20:21Z")
“Don’t Worry, Be Happy” I … I can’t go on … the retching reflex is to great … ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/138 "2005-10-22T01:26:31Z")
> [@panamajack](#): > > The music is bad but not horrible; about all it does is confirm that this is meant to be a narrative song, not a joke. And it’s catchy enough to get stuck in your head. For years, most people flatly refused to believe this was a song about cannabalism. They tried to convince themselves and others that Timothy was either a duck or a mule (it was a mine after all). Rupert Holmes said he had been approached to write an outrageous, possibly controversial song for the then new band, The Bouys. It worked. The song went to #17. The group had a minor follow up that didn’t make the Top 40. They quickly vanished from the charts. Timothy’s revenge from the grave? ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/139 "2005-10-22T01:30:15Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > Timothy’s revenge from the grave? The grave? Or the outhouse? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2005, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160/140 "2005-10-22T01:34:27Z")
> [@ArchiveGuy](#): > > The grave? Or the outhouse? Good point! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-truly-the-worst-song-you-have-ever-heard/327160.md?page=8)